Yeah, I thought you were maybe cleaning your garage.
God, after all this time (I get them every three years because of family colon cancer history), I never thought of aloe/baby wipes. Thanks, guys. Great idea. And yup, entertainment in the bathroom during prep is a must. I get LOTS of reading done.
bacarver has the rest exactly right, although I have never even had a momentary desire to yarp.
There are lots of reasons for abdominal discomfort, and many are quite treatable, so take heart..you will get through this...
"My predominant feeling is one of gratitude. I have loved and been loved;I have been given much and I have given something in return...Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal, on this beautiful planet, and that in itself has been an enormous privilege and an adventure." O. Sacks