Advice with Teenage Daughters & Piercings

[JmcG]

I've had my belly button pierced for 10 years now. It got infected in the very beginning, but healed quickly and I now forget it's even in. I was 17 and my mom was with me. We were at the beach and I decided to ask her if I could get it done. She was as excited for me to get it as I was! There was no rebellion in it, it was just a fun and exciting thing for me to do at the time. I had friends whose parents would have never let them get it done, so they did it behind their parents backs. Then on their 18th birthday revealed it to them.

I think if your daughter is asking permission, then she wants your support in this. If you don't let her, it may turn into a rebellion thing...maybe - I can't say since I don't know her? It's really not a big deal. It's not permanent and if she doesn't like it, she can always take it out.

Good luck in your decision!

[GLC1968]

I totally and 100% agree with Mimi.

I don't have children, but I was a teenage girl once and I remember it well. My parents did an outstanding job of educating me and letting me make my own choices, and as much as it was 'cool' to put down the 'rents back then...I could never chime in. Mine were just TOO fair and I turned out pretty damn well (if I do say so myself!). I learned both from the mistakes I made, and also from the ones they helped me avoid!

Your daughter sounds like a responsible and mature 16-year old. In my opinion, I think you both should express how you feel about this to her and then tell her the decision is her's to make. And be sure to let her know how much you appreciate her being upfront about this - it'll go a long way when the bigger issues come up down the road.

[short cut sally]

I have no children to help you out on proper advice. But I will give you my story that is of the same topic. I had made a vow to myself that if i lost weight, and could see my naval again, I wanted a naval piecing. That was my treat to myself for accomplishing my goal. I went and got my naval pierced by what was "reputable", by someone elses standards. It was the worst experience, they used something that looked like a miniature harpoon, and it was dull. So i had to be poked twice. My naval was sore for days, never got infected. I had to take my ring out 2 years later for surgery, and i had so much umbilical swelling d/t hematoma that formed at the surgical site (NOT related to the piercing) that my hole closed and had to wait several months before I could get it repierced (at a reputable place by my standards). My belly has been pierced for 3 years or so and I have no regrets, again i am 40 and not a teenager living in my parents house so this story probably won't help you in the least. But at least Silverdaughter is coming to you to express her wishes/wants instead of doing something behind your back. I think that takes maturity.

[redrhodie]

About 10 years ago, I thought a pierced naval sounded cool. So, I went to one of the best piercing studios in NYC, and when they showed me the gauge of the wire that would be going through my flesh (10g, which is over 2mms in diameter) I almost fainted. It's not like an earring post. It's bigger than the diameter of a spoke! Yikes!

I asked why it had to be so thick, and they said there's a risk of it "ripping out" if its thinner. Ripped naval?! No, not for me!

[ClockworkOrange]

.............. My friend's daughter got a piercing without telling my friend...............

That must be disappointing for any parent, so I feel it a compliment that Silver Daughter asked her parents.

In the full picture, with all the major concerns and worries with teenagers, ie drugs, alcohol, pregnancies, it really is not the worse thing she could be doing.

Over here in the UK, it is almost a fashion statement for the youngsters to have these particular piercings.

I had a tatoo when I was 50 years of age and it was rather risqué, (and no regrets), there are so many things I wish I had done when I was younger.

After saying all the above, it is nice you are such caring parents, where I work the teenagers do not have parents that care.

Sally

[KSH]

Well, I didn't read all the response... so forgive me if I repeat something that has been said.

Navel piercings are discreet and easy to care for. Like wearing sexy underwear on a first date when you know you're the only one that's going to see it, it's an extra little confidence booster to make her feel attractive and hip without drawing unnecessary attention.

Well, she is 16. Call me an old fuddy-duddy at 35, but a 16 year old girl doesn't need to secretly feel sexy... and that is what sexy underwear and something like this do.

She can get it herself in a year... so she can wait a year. And in a year she can take herself to get it done and pay for it.

[teigyr]

I read quite a bit of the responses and I think each one is valid in its own way.

I was rebellious with very conservative parents. I wasn't allowed to get my ears pierced until I was 18!!! At the time, I felt it was horribly unjust but in retrospect, I appreciate it.

At 18, I did go get my ears pierced but it was because I wanted to, not because it was "cool". I had enough years to cool down on my initial enthusiasm to put some thought into it.

At 30, I got a tattoo. Since I was in the workforce in a semi-professional position, I got it somewhere that wouldn't affect my job, formal events, or potential promotions. I also had enough money and creativity to have something custom designed and have it be something that had meaning.

I was about as punk as it comes (down to purple hair but hair color grows out!) and learned restraint. I didn't need to change my body to be different and by waiting until I was older, it wasn't just an impulse tattoo or piercing.

I think at 16 most people don't know where they are headed as a person or with their life. At least I know I had no idea! Other people might have been more mature than I was.

That all being said, if you do it do it wisely. It won't be forever because as with tattoos, I'm sure piercings sag I'll also say that I think my parents were right, you don't need to follow fashions or fads to be who you are. Individuality, however (and I think navel piercing is too trendy for that) is another matter.

And I have to say what piercings I've seen on Knot, look great. I wish I could get away with it but I just don't have the facial structure. I AM jealous!!!

[Zen]

Well, she is 16. Call me an old fuddy-duddy at 35, but a 16 year old girl doesn't need to secretly feel sexy... and that is what sexy underwear and something like this do.

She can get it herself in a year... so she can wait a year. And in a year she can take herself to get it done and pay for it.

I tried to say the same thing. Perhaps not so succinctly (and change the 35 to a higher number )

[Xrayted]

Ok, I have to chime in here. I got my navel pierced last year at the ripe age of 36. I had wanted to do it for years. I went with some friends from college (right before graduation) and two of us had it done at the same time. (only way i would have had the courage after seeing how big the needle is) It hurt like crazy and I couldn't sit right to drive home because my jeans rubbed against it. When my scrub pants rubbed against it at work, I went over to the ER and got them to put a big bandage on it. The nurse who bandaged it showed me her navel piercing of 7 years. After the two bad days, it was fine. It never got infected because I followed the piercing shops' advice on how to care for it to the T. It took about a month to heal up pretty well. I still have it and it's fine. BTW, this was all done in ultra conservative Amish country PA.

In the end, I think it is an individual choice because it is the individual who will be living with it. If she is normally a levelheaded, mature, responsible young woman as you say she is, then I'm not sure where the reservations are coming from except that it is the old school in you coming out. Just help her find a shop that is professional, takes all of the correct precautions, and get her a big bandaid for the ride home. If she is really committed to this and has no reservations, she will pay for it herself too. For a 16 yo, spending her own money instead of mom and dad's shows that she truly wants to do this.

BTW, when I showed my Mom, she freaked a little but got used to it. Even at 36, she felt I still should have discussed it with her beforehand. *shrugs shoulders*

Good luck.

[Mr. Bloom]

Silver and Mr. Silver are now in agreement on this with the help of the balanced perspectives and feedback offered:

• I will take her to affirm that although I don't choose it, I respect her choice
• She will pay for it...she's got more money than me anyway
• If she has a problem, I will not say "I told you so"...she's smart enough to know what to do and to deal responsibly with the outcome

I will take her to a place that Silver and I have been before...ahem So, we know that the staff is sanitary, conscientious, and responsible.

[Dianyla]

Sounds like you've reached a good decision that you're all comfy with, wonderful! And, the not saying "I told you so" will probably the hardest part...

[Aquila]

Sounds like a really good way to handle things. I hope things work out.

As a college teacher, I sort of take piercings for granted now. I don't really notice them unless there's spectacular jewelry involved. But I know lots of students who take them out for work and put them back in when they're not working.

One of my very favorite college students had numerous piercings: ears, spikes along the back of the neck, face, etc. He went to work for a fire department, and they all had to go, and so they went. Most piercings don't seem to cause big problems (when done by folks who know what they're doing).

[shawnada]

BELLY BUTTON PIERCING OR TONGUE PIERCING? Hmmmm! BELLY BUTTON PIERCING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She has good open communication with you and silver and hope she has good morals from her upbringing and is trying to express herself in a more conservative choice. My daughter at 16 asked for a tattoo. I said sure but I wanted to go and watch. shes 22 and unmarked.

[KnottedYet]

The nice thing about a piercing is that once it is healed you can be as outrageous (HUGE gaudy jewelry) or understated (simple titanium post) as you want. You can hide it with "placekeeper" jewelry (which ends up looking like a small flat scar or a zit) or just leave it jewelry-free as needed. If a youngster wants to do some body mods, I vote piercing over tattoo.

Aftercare is sooooo important. If Silverdaughter has trouble, even after following the directions from the piercer, don't hesitate to get to the doc. I had a piercing (NOT from a professional piercer) go bad, and it was ugly ugly ugly. I had to just let it heal over and deal with the infection after the damage was already done, as I didn't go to the doc soon enough.

BTW, *don't* google failed and infected piercings. Just don't. The vast majority of piercings turn out fine.

[rij73]

I'm late to the thread, but I think it's a good choice, Mr. Silver! I never did anything like that when I supposed be young and reckless. Got my navel pierced at age 26! I felt so happy about it... Like I was finally a "cool" person.

It took FOREVER to heal. Hope your daughter cares for it properly. I still have mine 8 years later, and I still really like it.