Help - I Suck (long)

[SheFly]

OK. I am feeling really BADLY about my performance this week. After having an awesome early season racing this year, setting a PR on my TT effort, and upgrading my racing license, I feel I am moving backwards.

On Sunday, I went over to a local training race. It's a crit and is on a relatively non-technical 1 mile loop. Since there aren't usually enough women to race, we race with the men. I lined up for the "B" race (Cat 3/4) with a couple of my teammates, and we were off.

I am largely uncomfortable in crits in general, but racing with the men made me even more nervous than usual, so I hung in the back of the pack - not a great strategy since I had to sprint out of EVERY corner to just hang on. At one point, they announced a women's prime. I attacked from the BACK of the pack (there were probably 40 - 50 racers) to give a lead out to my teammate. That effort did me in, and on the next lap, I fell off of the pack.

Since this is a training race, you can wait for the pack to come back around, and jump back in at any time. Since I am not so smart, I TT'd for about 7 laps on my own. When the pack finally caught me, I managed to hang on for another two laps before falling off again. Again I went into TT mode, got caught by a breakaway (who I didn't even try to catch), and then managed to work with DH who was caught in between the two groups. Latched back onto the pack for another two laps, and fell off AGAIN. While I managed to finish all 30 laps, I was lapped twice, and worked mostly on my own. I was last. What was more discouraging was that my two teammates managed to stay attached for the entire race.

Last night, DH and I went out to our local TT race on the tandem. Last year, we set the tandem record on our course, which was beaten two weeks later, by 2 seconds. Last week, we came within 9 seconds of that time, despite almost being hit by a car . Our ride last night, in a word, STUNK. We went out, and I was pegged with the effort - my HR shows that it was between 180 and 182 most of the time. DH was getting frustrated because we weren't on target for a good time.

On the back stretch of the course, we got passed by someone who started behind us, and DH gave up. He was really angry. The hard part for me is that I get upset enough with myself - disappointing him just makes it all worse.

So, today I feel like I should just give up on the racing. I won't, but that is how I feel at the moment. There isn't joy in it anymore - it's work and there is too much pressure on performance and results. I want to get the fun back into the riding, hopefully before 'cross season starts.

Thanks for "listening" to me vent.

SheFly

[jobob]

Well, we don't think you suck, if that matters ...

Not that I know jack about racing, but it sounds to me like you need a little time away from it, and like you say, get the fun back into riding.

I had to giggle when I saw the title of your post - I can't tell you how many emails I've sent to Coach Maillotpois with that same subject line.

[Gowest]

Hi SheFly,

I understand your frustrations - I have days like this too!!! You have impatient-itis and want it all now - and I am guilty of this as well. I am harder on myself than anyone else is - and so are you. EVERYONE at EVERY level of cycling feels the way you do occasionally- and if they say they don't - they lie.

Sure - we can all say - take a break, you'll feel better later - it sounds good - but really isn't much help right now. It is so easy to want to focus on the neagatives - but my advice is to try to look at the other side - it could be a lot worse. You cat'ed up - you ride for a team, you have the courage to race crits with men, you didn't quit - you have a DH you can ride with and share your passion for riding with, you have your health to name a few. Make a list if it helps.

Instead of taking a few days off - why not take a week and cross train?? How about some running - core stability work-out and maybe a massage or two?? Take some time off the bike - but not off from a healthy lifestyle. Focus on you for 7 days - then get back on the bike and see how you feel - I suspect you will then have your answer and be right back at it!!!

debi

[silver]

Sounds like some time off is needed.

I've been loving my long rides, long miles, but my speed is suffering. With my goal triathlon coming up, I'm going to have to force myself to cut my miles in hopes of improving my speed.

I'm no racer like you, let us know what works.

[missymaya]

As the rest of the ladies have said, it sounds like you need some time away from the bike, whether it be running, swimming, or whatever else that will help break this feeling that you have. From my point of view, you totally don't suck. You rode with the guys and you upp'd your category, that's awesome! Right now, I can only imagine about racing so reading your posts gives me insight and goals. I think you've kicked some butt!

[Velobambina]

Don't be so hard on yourself, She. Sounds to me like you just have hit a little slump. Take the advice others have offered and know that we all think you're the best. We all have bad days/weeks/times. The good news is that they are temporary.

[Starfish]

I don't know spit about racing, but I am astounded at what you have the courage to do.

Also, you definitely don't suck, because you know how to do the multi-quote thing to quote different parts of different posts...something I have yet to master!

[SheFly]

I knew that to help lift my spirits, you gals were the place to go, and you didn't disappoint me! Thanks to all of you for your kind words and encouragement.

Well, we don't think you suck, if that matters ...

Not that I know jack about racing, but it sounds to me like you need a little time away from it, and like you say, get the fun back into riding.

I had to giggle when I saw the title of your post - I can't tell you how many emails I've sent to Coach Maillotpois with that same subject line.

Trust me - it matters! At least SOMEONE doesn't think I suck . I'm sure some time away from the bike will be a great thing for a couple of days, although I had already committed to a couple of races this weekend .

Oh - and you don't suck either!

... but my advice is to try to look at the other side - it could be a lot worse. You cat'ed up - you ride for a team, you have the courage to race crits with men, you didn't quit - you have a DH you can ride with and share your passion for riding with, you have your health to name a few. Make a list if it helps.

Instead of taking a few days off - why not take a week and cross train?? How about some running - core stability work-out and maybe a massage or two?? Take some time off the bike - but not off from a healthy lifestyle. Focus on you for 7 days - then get back on the bike and see how you feel - I suspect you will then have your answer and be right back at it!!!

That sounds - DELICIOUS! You are right, I have achieved A LOT this season already, and I need to focus on the achievements rather than the disappointments. Of course, in the heat of the moment, that is easier said than done.

I think I will, however, take your advice (after my races this weekend), and take some time off the bike, do some cross training, and focus on ME. Why do we always need a kick in the pants to do that?

Sounds like some time off is needed.

I've been loving my long rides, long miles, but my speed is suffering. With my goal triathlon coming up, I'm going to have to force myself to cut my miles in hopes of improving my speed.

I'm no racer like you, let us know what works.

I'll keep you posted over the next little while. I expect the motivation will come back - hopefully in time for the upcoming 'cross season. Good luck, Silver, with your upcoming Tri! You've been training hard, and I know that you will do well. Remember though, that rest is equally important in getting ready as the proverbial "time in the saddle".

Thanks again to each of you for the support. I knew I could count on TE to help lift my spirits.

SheFly