Good point, Cyclepixie--let's let this discussion at least remind all of us to make sure we have our own living wills.

Silver and Mr., I can't add much to the thoughtful, intelligent, sensitive responses already here, except that in my own experience, it is sometimes actually easier for the non-child to deal with aging parents.

My mom passed away with Alzheimer's 9 years ago and now my dad is in an assisted living home with the same awful disease. And in both their cases, the Chief (DH) was such a dear, sweet SIL to them and was able to get my mom to sign her name long after my dad and I had given up trying. (Eventually, of course, she lost the ability, but somehow the Chief was able to calm her and get her to focus when she still could.) And then, when the dementia was getting a grip on my dad, the Chief was the one who stepped in and helped out with showers and other grooming tasks that Dad simply would not have wanted his daughter to be involved with. And the Chief initiated the living will/POA/DNR conversation, too.

Two things: (1) the Chief is just better than me at that kind of thing, and (2) though he loves my folks, he doesn't have the emotional baggage that I have with them, so it can be a more reasonable, less emotional situation between them.

None of this may even apply to your situation--just my two cents, in case it can help. My heart absolutely and completely goes out to you.