Issues with elderly parents and some encouragement for Mr.

[Mr. Bloom]

I agree with Aquila -- why did the doctor come to YOU with this? Did he discuss it directly with Mr. S's father first?

Don't be upset that Silver brought it up, Mr. S. Not only are we all anonymous, but this is what women do -- we help each other through stuff.

I think this is the answer...that is, the doctor needs to 'break the ice'...it's not that I am unwilling, but because of other considerations unique to us, it's a VERY COMPLEX issue...

quint: I'm not upset with Silver (at least, not about this ) Anonymous or not, this is a very bright, insightful, and balanced group...( even without its 'token male' )

I'm frankly relieved by the forum discussion because it catalyzed my thoughts and helped bring clarity to my 'internal debate'.

[salsabike]

It's really hard figuring out who should be part of this discussion. The first time at the hospital last summer, it was three of the family practice doctors plus a nurse or two, plus me and Mom. The medical staff were very good and very nice, but still they were strangers and not people she knew well and trusted, and you could see it was kind of overwhelming and unnerving for her. And with me, I think there were some feelings of maternal obligation that got in the way too. I was lucky to have this best-friend-for-forty-years who was also a long-time ICU nurse, who could come and yak with my mother about this. It was someone she knew and trusted, with lots of knowledge about the topic. At the end of that discussion, she looked at Susie and said, "THANK YOU. You have no idea how much better I feel about this, and I'm ready to make some decisions about it."

So it's complicated, you know? Sometimes the doctor, sometimes the family member, sometimes a trusted friend or advocate...and it seems to work differently for each person--that is, who is the best person to have the discussion.

[northstar]

I wanted to let you two know that I am thinking of you and your family. I haven't been through anything like what you are sorting out, and my heart goes out to you.