Issues with elderly parents and some encouragement for Mr.

[Dianyla]

So, this begs the question: Is basic CPR, absent any terminal illness, heroic?? In my view, no, it's not heroic...and herein lies my struggle based on what I've already discussed and conveyed to my parents.

Here is a link to a frankly blunt discussion thread on a doctor's forum wherein they discuss the ethics of coding futile patients, especially at the request of the family. It might give you another perspective. In some cases, coding a frail patient is quite harmful, not heroic. ETA: Warning, you have to wade through some fairly macho MD-on-MD pissing wars in that thread. Sorry 'bout that.

In addition, if my dad collapses and his heart has stopped, my mother would be standing there (they're ALWAYS together...so she WILL BE THERE when he dies) expecting someone to do something...and will likely be pleading for them to do so. Psychologically, what impact does that have on her, in the moment, to have no one respond to her pleas for help. This, TO ME, is a gut wretching scenario that is totally unlike him dying in his sleep.

Another thing you may be interested in reading is How We Die, by Sherwin Nuland. He talks about all of the various ways that people actually cease to live. One thing that struck me when reading this is that he deconstructs the fantasy of a dying with dignity. Very few people are granted the luxury of a clean and easy "go in your sleep" death. Most deaths are rough, unpleasant ordeals not unlike the violent way we come into this world. There's rarely any dignity about it, unfortunately. He also discusses the concept of dying of old age. While many people die due to a major identifiable cause, but those that truly die of "old age" typically have 3-5 or more major organ systems in trouble that are ready to go at any moment. If it's not one thing, it's another. Being able to code a patient's heart back into service temporarily won't do anything to prevent any of the other major problems from claiming their life the very next day or week.

I hope this information may be of some help.