Issues with elderly parents and some encouragement for Mr.

[silver]

Wow! you ladies are just wonderful. You've all given thoughtful and helpful and encouraging responses and I thank each and every one of you.

I've been pretty busy today and haven't had a chance til now to read the replies and I just spoke to Mr. and know that he may be now reading over this and responding.

I wanted to answer a few questions that were raised.....

they do have a legal will and a living will. Mr. and I are both POA's. (good info Lisa about POA, but I think that since Mr. is executor that may help...Mr.? ) But the Doctor pointed out to me yesterday that he's finding that living wills do not address this issue of an out of hospital crisis. The EMT's will initiate CPR/defibulator/intubation unless they have very specific instructions otherwise. The Doctor said that it would still be appropriate to obtain more routine care such as IV/nutrition/antibiotics and diabetic care.

At this point he is listed as *Full Code* at the assisted Living facility where he lives. We discussed these issues in a general sense when the wills were executed, but did not discuss it to the detail that we need to at this point, like....do you want CPR. Also, this was about 2 or 3 years ago and his health was better then. Two years ago when they moved to the assisted living facility from their home, the facility asked us about this issue and I told them DNR, but consulted with Mr. and he changed it to full code (I think that we discussed it briefly with the IL's but they were so overwhelmed by the move I don't know that they were aware). I think they would have done anything that Mr. told them to do.

So, fast forward to now......FIL has increasing dementia. He has had diabetes for 45 years. There's no one specific thing wrong, but his body has taken a huge toll. However, it's the dementia that's most difficult. In my uneducated understanding...The dementia is from decreased blood flow to the brain resulting from overall decline in the functions of his body.

Sometimes he is very clear but other times he is in a fog. The foggy times are increasing. Last year he had a very serious "episode" We didn't think he'd make it through that one, but he rallied. But his dementia has increased since then.

Addressing Lisa's very good points.....I think that if his mind was clear the decisions would be different...or if there was hope that it could get better.....

I do not believe that hospice the solution at this time because he doesn't have a specific illness and he is getting all the care that he needs now. And he could remain at this status for some time now.

as to why the issue was discussed with me rather than FIL and MIL. I've been taking them to doctor's appt for 5 years now. I consider it my job to keep up with medical info and care. I've been their advocate in this manner through I'd say 20 to 30 emergencies, illnesses and hospitalizations. I attend all their appointments and have a better idea of their medical history and prescription history than they do. Their doctor knows this and includes me in all their exams. When we were at the doctor on Monday, FIL was asleep almost the entire time. We could wake him up to ask him something, he'd reply, "I dont' know" to all questions and then fall asleep again. The doctor is completely willing to discuss this with FIL but I told him that I had to discuss it with Mr. first. The doctor offerred to meet with all of us to discuss.

I'm sure I'll think of some more issues...but that's enough for now.......

again, thank you all for your helpful and encouraging posts!!!!!