Cycling and your relationship.

[newbiechick]

I started cycling when I met my now-husband three years ago. He's an avid cyclist and I thought it might be something fun to do together. He said from the get-go that he did not expect me to ride and that if I didn't like it I should let it go. Fortunately, I really enjoyed it from the start.

I'm very fortunate in that my husband loves to ride with me, even tho' his abilities are FAR above mine. He says he's just happy to be on the bike. He's been a wonderful teacher and a great inspiration. He and I ride together once or twice a week, and I send him off to ride on his own once or twice a week--so he still gets in his hard, fast, challening rides.

We're doing a 4-day bike tour in the San Juan Islands (WA) in a week and a half. He's done several of these organized tours including some pretty tough ones; but he's happy to do this "easy" tour and enjoy it with me.

[anaphase]

Well, I'm a little jealous of those of you with cycling-positive partners. My partner thinks bikes are a public nuisance most days (commuting in Boston tends to show you the bad side of riding/riders). He is, however, very into fitness, so we run together several times per week, and it's fun to bond over that. I really wish I could get him into cycling though.

He might like mountain biking, and I've sort of been pestering one of his friends, who is really into it, to take him out on the trails one weekend. I figure that if he gets the bug in that way, then one day he might join me on the roads. Or maybe not, but I can hope!

[Skierchickie]

So, I met my DH in college, at a cycling club meeting. That was, oh, about 20 years ago. Our cycling lives have ebbed & flowed over the years, but when not cycling, we have running (which was really not my thing back then, but he got me into it), x-c skiing (my thing since I was 9, so I got HIM into that), etc. So even though he is 14 years older than I am, we have lots to share. I do sometimes beat him in races these days, but not biking!

One item of dispute all these years has been our first "date". I say "date", because I say it wasn't, but he says it was. He'd say "it's a date", and I'd say "no, it isn't". Anyway, we went biking together, and for some reason he thought he'd try to kill me. First, a ride out to find a big hill. Then, since the pavement ran out and we needed more distance, it was up to the airport (a HUUUUGE hill). Then, back to town. But no, we were hungry, and Pizza Hut is his favorite restaurant. Up a very long, very big hill! Then, after gorging on pizza, I realized there was an enormous uphill between me and my apartment! Ugh - I can't believe I didn't hurl! I was being tough, of course, not wanting to appear to be wimpy, plus I had never ridden any of these hills, and had only seen 2 of them before.

Early in our marriage, we made a pact that neither of us would ever do anything to prevent the other from racing/training/keeping in shape. So sometimes I'm lazy, and sometimes he's lazy, but we don't pull the "why don't you stay here in front of the tv with me, because my priorities are different from yours right now, and if you go it will make me feel like a slug for not going too" thing. I can't honestly say I haven't ever wanted to, or that I'm always the most supportive person in the world, but I try to refrain. And we don't always train together, but I guess we're pretty lucky to have similar interests and priorities, so we don't have the constant battle of "he loves that &%$# bike more than he loves me", like some people do. Hmmm - he is awfully crazy about that Trek Team Time Trial bike of his.....

[TrekJeni]

Most of you know my story already so here's the short version.

I was in a seven year relationship. Not married but had the house, camper, 50acres of dog training grounds (we owned bird hunting dogs), etc.

I always busied myself with something as the BF has a job that required 60+ hours a week. Along with myself working, I was a gym rat, then finshed my degree, and after graduation, went back to the gym.

His entertainment was the bar. Rough day at work equaled drinking and smoking on the back patio. I can't tell you how many fights we had about "counting his beers"....

Bought my first road bike as a way to get out of the gym along with a girlfriend of mine. BF and I started fighting about the time invested in riding and that I was gone all the time. (he was at the bar - what did it matter) He even told me that he was going out with the boys one Saturday and that I needed to stay home so I could see how it felt to be home all alone? Huh?

Started doing club rides and shop rides. Broke up with BF, leaving him with most everything. Another equally wonderful fight we'd get into. He made 3 times what I did so he always told me how I didn't "contribute" to the relationship and household. I now live in a studio apartment.

BUT I'M HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Turns out, the manager of the LBS and I started riding a lot and we developed a mutual affection for each other. Fast forward to almost a year after the breakup and the NEW BF and I race road and mountain bikes for the same team along with leading a newbie ride for the club on Mondays.

He's a much stronger rider and we hardly ever ride "alone" as we're always with our friends but that's okay....

Hah! Didn't turn out to be so short, did it?

Jeni

[KnottedYet]

Your story always makes me smile. You did good!

[Starfish]

Most of you know my story already so here's the short version.

Ah! I had not heard it. Thanks for telling it again!

[maillotpois]

Wow. Great stories.

TrekJeni - big smile!

Knot/Trek - another big smile!

BikeMomma/Kim - good luck. Man, it just always takes work regardless. I think my story's similar in some ways - maybe I'm the future of your story?

We were both pretty out of shape after kid. We both work full time, etc.. Then I started running again, and spinning and MTB-ing. And when we both started road riding together, training for our first century in 2001, he couldn't keep up.

Fast forward a couple years and a couple too many humiliations (none malicious) at being dropped and he just up and changed his life and dropped (in about a year) from 230 to about 190. Whereas I happily remained about the same. But he leaves me behind these days unless I really gut it out - but there's just no staying with him on hills anymore. Math (power to weight) is against me. The competitive part of me is bugged by it, but really I am proud of him. And he's a heck of a lot nicer since he lost the weight and got in shape. Really. We're all a lot happier than we used to be. It sounds silly. But I think there was a lot of bad self esteem stuff going on that he is finally getting the better of.

And cycling is definitely part of our lives together. We both coach and do long rides (though he thinks doubles are "stupid"), and we have done bike tours together. When we go on trips, we figure out how we can get some rides in, even alternating so one of us is with Em. And he's trying to get me back into mountain biking.

In November we'll try a race together that we've each had great results in separately in the past. I wonder how long I can hang with him.

[Zen]

I would rather have no man than an inactive man. Preferably a cyclist, definitely not a golfer or hunter. Those are not sports.

[BikeMomma]

BikeMomma/Kim - good luck. Man, it just always takes work regardless. I think my story's similar in some ways - maybe I'm the future of your story?

Let's hope the future is bright, eh? I shudder to think of the alternative, and it was headed that way.

It sounds silly. But I think there was a lot of bad self esteem stuff going on that he is finally getting the better of.

Bingo. I think that is/was the root of it all. All my encouragement, tears, begging, silent treatment, "please be alive to see your kids graduate college" speeches, nagging, and every other "cheerleader" technique I tried failed miserably, with empty promises and crushing disappointment. I'd get my hopes up, then got let down again and again. It was emotionally exhausting for me. Finally, years down the road, I realized that it would take HIM to be his own cheerleader to get him motivated. The last year has been very rough for us, talk of divorce, etc. I think damn near hitting rock bottom in our marriage has been the wake up call he needed. So far so good.

I'm proud of you guys, MP -- it's these types of success stories that I would tell him about, if nothing else to let him know that what he needed to do IS possible. Sortof like, "if they can do it, so can we."

~K