OY! Mothers!! (Yes this IS cycling related)...

[Running Mommy]

Do you ever regret starting a thread?? Well this is one of those threads...
SHEESH!
I really do not expect my mom and dad to ride anywhere NEAR the mileage that I ride. I fully expect them to be around the hood cruises. And I'm sure they will be slow ones at that. Like I said, there are all types of riders out there, and I value ALL of them. As far as I'm concerned as long as your happy and your riding, it's all good.
But YES Southern Belle my mom DID ask me about getting a bike in our convo a few weeks ago. And that is when I told her to wait and I'd go with her. And as for my dad, well I just shake my head at him. He's a lifelong alcoholic and could really care less about his health. I have gave up trying to be encouraging to him. Lets just say that he needs a heart operation, but he refuses to get it because the meds he would be on would force him to stop drinking.
But I found your response quite snarky. Sheesh! NO need for that. So much for that sweet southern charm...

What I was really hoping for was stories of folks who went from the couch to the bike and are happier for it. Esp. those folks that are perhaps a bit older. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "well if I was young like you I would take up running" . I would certainly encourage her in whatever she did. She is always complaining about how she "needs" to do something, but I think she needs a kick in the pants to get going. It's like she's stuck in a sedentary black hole.

And I certainly hope I'm wrong. I hope that the bike DOES fit. Knowing my mom the way I do, if I can just get her out there and happy I think she'll stick with it.
So if anyone else (thanks trek and duck. I LOVED that story!) has anything encouraging for my mom I would appreciate it.
If you just want to blast me, well... whatever.. Blast away.. (as Denise ducks from eggs being thrown at her)

[SouthernBelle]

You asked for opinions. Based on the conversation you related, I gave my opinion. I didn't call you names, or make personal remarks. It's a shame I didn't receive at least that courtesy in return however you felt about my opinion. I gave my reaction to what you related.

Now you've added on additional information which I was supposed to magically intuit. Although it really doesn't change my opinion of how you spoke to your mother.

[DDH]

Here's a story for you.
My Stepmother who is in her mid 50's started riding a big heavy cheap bike she bought from the px last year, back and forth to work. She was very heavy and 2 years ago had gastic bypass surgery and after losing over 100 lbs she started riding this bike. I still had my mountain bike and had started riding again last summer after I quit smoking and was trying to get into shape and lose weight, so her and I started riding together off and on last summer and let me tell you, she kept up with me just fine on that heavy clunky bike. My DH and I told her several times that she would be amazed at the difference if she bought a better bike, but she did not want to spend a lot of money on a bike when she wasn't sure she would stick with it and that is why she bought that one.
Well, last summer was when I got my new hybrid Cannondale so I sold my Stepmother my mountain bike (cheap) since I wouldn't need it, so she could have a better bike to ride and we all went to the Waco wild west organized ride last year and she and my dh made it the 50 miles and I didn't. I sagged out after I think 30 miles and just couldn't go anymore. I went back to the truck and waited and they both came in dog tired and ready to collapse but they made it.
I guess that big heavy clunky bike, prepared her better and got her in better shape, so when she got my better bike with the street slicks it was much easier for her to ride. At least that's how I justify me not making it and her beating me. LOL

Point being I guess, encourage your mom to ride the heavy cheaper bike and help her get the best fit with it she can, and when or if she falls in love with riding, then help her find a good bike that will last for her and fit her even better and she will be able to fall in love with riding all over again. I thought the same way as you about those cheap bikes, but my stepmother did fine on hers and I understood why she didn't want to spend a lot of money unless she found out if she was going to enjoy it.
Just think if she gets good on the big heavy cheaper bike, how much better she will be if and when she gets a good bike. Let her know she can always look around for a used one so she doesn't spend so much too.

[emily_in_nc]

I'm just envious that you have a mom who is willing to ride any kind of bike at all. I can't even get my mom to walk around the block. She's 72, so I don't expect her to go out and ride necessarily, since she hasn't been on a bike in many decades, but walking would be a good thing as she's overweight and hates it. But do anything about it that required EXERCISING???? Not gonna happen. It saddens me greatly, but she hates it when I nag or even nicely suggest, so I've just given up. When I see fit, trim women in their 70s out walking, I so wish that were my mom! It could be, but she has made the choice not to live an active lifestyle. The most exercise she gets is going to the grocery store and walking the aisles.

So, while I understand your frustration that she went out and bought a bike without you, just be very, very glad that she did that and that she wants to ride! I would give anything to be in your place right now.

Emily

[Trek420]

So, while I understand your frustration that she went out and bought a bike without you, just be very, very glad that she did that and that she wants to ride! I would give anything to be in your place right now.

Emily

Not to mention those who've lost their parents and don't have Moms around at all.

Three cheers for our Moms, riding or not we appreciate them.

After all where would we be without them?

[MM_QFC!]

Not to mention those who've lost their parents and don't have Moms around at all.

Three cheers for our Moms, riding or not we appreciate them.

After all where would we be without them?

Yes, sadly I'm now in that group as I lost my awesome Mom last December. She was not a bike rider herself, but was my biggest cheerleader and supporter and modeled a consistently positive, can-do attitude. She took up tennis in her 40's, while going through a difficult divorce, returning to work and becoming a single parent to 5 kids, hellions all! It was a therapeutic activity for her too, I'm sure, and she became a terrific tournament player and our tennis club women's singles champion for 3 years running. We partnered together in the women's doubles and how she put up with my teenage struggles and immaturity on the court, I'll never know, but we both thoroughly enjoyed that being one of the many activities we had together.

It sounds like your Mother knows how she wants to ride and how she'll enjoy it the most and maybe your support and encouragement is all she really needs? Could be that all of our roadie advice based on our own experience and knowledge really isn't necessary in some situations; just a smile at enjoying a mutual love of riding?

Best wishes for you to enjoy the time you'll have just riding along together - it's a really precious opportunity - happy trails!

[Running Mommy]

THAT is the story I needed! I actually cried because in a lot of ways, you and I are the same! I used to hate to sweat too! And I was always chunky, but when I met my husband I guess I figured I had a license to eat or something?? I gained about 80 lbs which is WAY too much on my 5'1" frame! It was hearing my husbands great aunt say out loud at a wedding "BOY! She sure has gotten FAT" that threw me over the edge! We actually had to leave the wedding. I was so upset. But it also spurred me to get my act together.
I started with step aerobics. That was the "thing" that got me going. I loved it so much that I eventually got certified to teach. And then my grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer. I started run/walking on the treadmill to ease the stress of facing losing her. And then I decided that I was going to run a 10k in her honor, and then I became the 10k queen. The next thing you know it's 1999 and I get a wild hair that I want to run the NYC marathon. So I run a few of those, then I decide to get into triathlon, so I teach myself to swim laps. A ton of short distances later a co workers brother is doing Ironman Florida, and I decide that I want to do that too.. Next thing you know I'm crossing the finishline at IMAZ in 2006.
So yeah, those small things can lead to much bigger things. But if you had asked me in the early 90's when I was watching the Mark Allen/Dave Scott duels in Kona on the wild world of sports if I would ever fathom doing something like that, I would have fallen over in laughter.
Ya just never know!

[Running Mommy]

First of all, she is happy as a clam! And I couldn't be happier for her! She was giddy when she was talkng about her and my dad riding over the weekend.

And yes, I told her all about how you ladies set me straight. She got quite a chuckle out of that.

One thing she is having touble with is a very sore tailbone. She said the hoo ha's were fine. It was the tail bone. She has some past niggles here and there that give her a bit of a bother every once in awhile. But to her credit she said that she was going to take it down to the "real" (her words not mine) bike shop and see if she could "give the guy a few bucks to get me fitted on it".. I told her I thought that was a grand idea. I also suggested she may need to swap out the seat. She asked me about good seats. I told her that most all of us have had to "Kiss a lot of toads" before we found the "prince"...
I'm going to take her a few of my "toads" and see if she finds a "prince" in the lot..

But we talked about saddle soreness, and I told her what to expect as a new rider. I want her to know that it will get better.

But the thing that really made my heart skip a beat was when she said she loves the feeling of the breeze in her face when she rides. I was BUSTING I was so happy for her!
I was lamenting what Donna said about how after riding a heavy bike she is going to fly if she ever gets on a light bike. She laughed and talked excitedly about all the "serious" riders and clubs that she see's riding in the area. You never know, maybe she has that seed back there somewhere just looking for some fertile soil?? I'm not going to push her- not that it would matter if I did. But I will secretly pray that she takes up cycling and gets back into shape. I know her and she will be MUCH happier if she does.

She also told me a story that I didn't know. Apparently when I was off working in New York way back when, someone had given her a bike and she rode it back and forth to work. She mentioned how it was nice in the morning to cruise down this one hill, but coming home in the afternoon going up it was another thing! Ok, first of all that hill is a KILLER to walk, much less ride a bike! I was amazed she even tried it! But she said she used to love riding to work because she felt much better. Go figure??!! I guess I'm not giving her the credit she has due! Sheesh!
So anyway, I found the bike she has online.

http://www99.shopping.com/xPC-Schwin...-Mountain-Bike

She loves the color, and I have to agree. I like the color. It's not so bad afterall I guess. But if she loves this bike..... (wheels turning on potential christmas/birthday presents years down the road)...

OK off to bed.
Ciao bellas!
Denise

[Crankin]

RM, I don't think you said anything wrong. I hear your frustration! We all talk to parents that way some time, jeez... Now i'm not in that situation, since my mom died almost 11 years ago. If she was here, she WOULD be out riding, even if it was on a crappy bike. She was very athletic and fitness oriented and walked 5 miles a day until she got liver disease. I think you just wished your parents would have waited and taken advice from you, because that means they value your opinion and even see you as an "expert" about bikes. Some parents just can't do that (like my husband's). I know that my adult children know a lot more than me about certain things and I definitely take their advice. On the other hand, I don't give any to them, unless it is asked for! Thankfully, they do ask because I have worked very hard to keep the lines of communication open.
So, I wouldn't feel too bad about what you said to them. As for the honey vs. vinegar thing, I can only do that so much, more in a work situation than with relatives. I guess I am not a "honey" type of person, being the mean, Northeast US person that I am! I totally understand where you are coming from.

[bmccasland]

RM -
I'm in the pushing 50 crowd, and will join in the fray

When I was evacuated for Katrina, my friends wanted to get bikes. I conviced them to go to the LBS instead of Wally World. The three of us bought comfort bikes and then thorougly enjoyed riding the country roads around where we were temporarily living. Probably kept us sane, or at least not at each other's throats during that stressful time.

Since then I have added paniers so I could run errands near the house - there are strip malls about 1/2 mile away at the edges of the neighborhood. I find my comfort bike more *fun* to ride than my road bike. More like when I was a kid, just tooling around the neighborhood, the point is to enjoy getting there, look at the scenery. And not quite feel quite so guilty riding to the French bakery for croissants on saturday morning

The point is to have fun while riding, not how fast you get there. So let your Mom have fun, and if she wants something more, or her bike gives her trouble, then recommend a LBS to help her out - either with repairs or the gentle suggestion to trade it in for something else. Besides, hearing something from non-family doesn't bring in all those family *issues* that manage to insert themselves no matter what.

[BikeDutchess]

My mom, like most people living in Holland, grew up riding her bicycle for transportation, but it wasn't something she particularly enjoyed doing. It was just a way to get around. She was happy to switch from riding to driving once she finally got her license.

In '79 she moved to the U.S. for 5 years and did not ride her bike at all during that time. After moving back to Holland, all of a sudden she caught the biking bug. She was in her 40's then. She and my dad bought good bikes, and had loads of fun biking together. They did all kinds of bike trips in Europe, including some with us when we were on vacation.

In '05 her right shoulder & arm were amputated due to cancer. That did not stop her from biking. She got a custom-made 3-wheel recumbent with all the controls on the left handle and kept on riding. We had a great bike vacation with her last summer, with her just zooming along on her "Buster".

My mom died 3 months ago at the age of 65 (the cancer finally got her) and it makes me so sad that I won't be able to go riding with her again, ever. I have wonderful memories of the biking we did together.

So enjoy riding with your mom while you can, even if she drives you crazy at times.

[pooks]

I'm younger than your mom, but overweight and VERY out of shape. So here's how cycling has made a difference for me.

It's the only exercise I ever LOVED. It's the only form of exercise that has me excited and wanting to learn more, do more -- though I admit I haven't made as much progress as I would have liked to in my first year.

But here -- this will tell a bit of the story. My first ride on my new bike a year ago:

http://planetpooks.wordpress.com/2006/06/11/success/

And five weeks later:

http://planetpooks.wordpress.com/200...ot-in-october/

See if that helps!

ETA: Oh, what bmmcasland said! If they don't already have them, buy them bike chains. Find some place fun to ride to -- for coffee or dessert or a burger or whatever. Ride together, chain you bikes outside, go in and eat and relax, go back out. Introduce them to how much FUN it can be to save money on gas and get the blood flowing!

[KSH]

I'm just envious that you have a mom who is willing to ride any kind of bike at all. I can't even get my mom to walk around the block. She's 72, so I don't expect her to go out and ride necessarily, since she hasn't been on a bike in many decades, but walking would be a good thing as she's overweight and hates it. But do anything about it that required EXERCISING???? Not gonna happen. It saddens me greatly, but she hates it when I nag or even nicely suggest, so I've just given up. When I see fit, trim women in their 70s out walking, I so wish that were my mom! It could be, but she has made the choice not to live an active lifestyle. The most exercise she gets is going to the grocery store and walking the aisles.

So, while I understand your frustration that she went out and bought a bike without you, just be very, very glad that she did that and that she wants to ride! I would give anything to be in your place right now.

Emily

Emily, do we have the same mother? I think so!


Denise... yes, you do know better than your Mother when it comes to buying a bike. And yes, you could have helped her greatly. What's done is done though.

Just go out there, and ride with her some. Even if it's just a mile up the road and back, then so be it. At least she is doing something.

And... although we can be well meaning... and we can get so excited when someone we loves takes interest in something we love... it's sometimes best to just not overload them with information. For some people, too much at one time = frustration = give it up.

I understand my boyfriend to be one of these people... helping him is not helping him at all. So, when he said he wanted to train for a do tri's. I said "OK" and left him on his own. No advice, nothing. He did it on his own and was happy about it. Even recently, when I tried to give him tips on how to swim faster... it just got him all snarly and rude and he started saying that he couldn't swim. Lesson learned. Don't help.

Anyhoo... that's cool that she bought a bike at all.

[Running Mommy]

Donna, Emily, Robin, BMC. et al....
Thanks so much! I loved those stories and I will share them with my mom. I will also share with her the wrath that I got for giving her a hard time. She will appreciate it...
I think my written words "sound" worse than they really came across in person. You know it's all in the tone of voice. And written words have no "tone"..
And yes, I do appreciate that I have her here with me still. Losing her is something that I cannot even fathom. I guess that's why I'm so eager to help her get back into shape. I know deep down she really wants to. But I also know that pushing someone won't help either.
And KSH, I laughed about the tri thing. When Tony told me he wanted to do Ironman with me next year I was shocked. I actually made him wait two weeks before I signed him up. I just couldn't believe it! But he is dedicated, and he's kicking BUTT in training!! He is already so much faster than me! OY! What have I created?? heh heh heh

[colby]

I got lucky, I guess -- my dad (in his 50s) had some experience riding decent road bikes long long ago in a land far far away (BC - Before Colby, I'm the oldest of 4). We bought new road bikes, nearly identical (mine is WSD), just over a year ago. While he works outside and skis in the winter, he doesn't get a lot of regular aerobic exercise. We both went for it from day one and got clipless pedals (his are SPDs with wide platforms he could still ride on). Riding the road bike is sometimes a challenge for him and he's not a huge fan of bike wear, but I'm proud that he's willing to go all in and I like having an occasional riding partner.

A friend of mine recently bypassed this issue by buying a bike for her mom as a gift. They picked it out together, but she had recently gone through this process herself (and with her husband), so she kind of knew what she was looking for to start out with. Her mom has started riding regularly, and really likes it.

My husband's mom (50s) has an "average" bike herself, and 2 years ago when the folks from her practice (she's a GI nurse) decided to do a sprint tri, she decided to, too. She was a runner in another lifetime (even while Mr. Colby and his brother were kids), but since then the sprint tri was the thing that really re-energized her into exercising. Now she checks out bike trails and kicks my husband's dad's butt on the bike.

A guy I work with was recently diagnosed with diabetes (was pretty overweight). He started walking to reduce his blood sugar (that plus radical diet changes worked, he was able to go off his meds), but his body started adapting, and he's too heavy to run/jog. He got a bike and he loves it. It's really opened up a lot more options for exercise, and he can tour around without feeling like he's walking in circles. He did ask for advice before he bought his bike (and he listened to it), but the end result was the same -- another new rider, AND, he's lost a ton of weight.

2 years ago, I was pretty sedentary. I have a job that has me sitting on my butt, and I had been for about 5 years since college -- basically as much of a change as going from a non-sedentary lifestyle to a sedentary one. My husband and I started riding to work on cheapie mountain bikes (yes, we fell into that trap, but it's only 6 miles), and it was really a great entry-level exercise for us. The first few times were difficult, but it was nice to feel like you were doing something good. We slacked off, gained more weight, I took up running (maybe not so good a first choice), we started riding to work again, fast forward 2 or so years and I've ran, rode, and swam more miles than I'd care to count, and I've lost upwards of 80+lbs. It is possible to enjoy a mediocre bike, but I consider it a gateway drug.

For my husband, the bike has a low cost of entry. He can get on it, go as far as he wants, and turn around and come home. I love to ride with him, but I'm not so sure he loves to ride with me. I've got him on a 2-3 days a week riding to work (12 mile) plan, and he's willing to consider more. He has a flat-bar road bike (road components and fast tires, just flat-bar). Once or twice he's jogged with me, but it has a very high cost of entry (and that whole "you've ran a marathon" thing works against me).

Good luck, RM. If anyone can teach her to love it, it's you.