Yes, Han, it does get better

Don't be hard on yourself, don't try to be macho. Cry when the tears come. Honour your feelings, and thereby honour Billie's memory. Over time, you feel the same, but the tears will melt away and you'll feel that heart-expanding love and gratitude for having had Billie in your life, and having her spirit around you always.

Hugs and peaceful, grateful butterflies,
~T~