Help! husband dislikes riding buddy

[pooks]

For some reason, he just is not as confident in himself and I guess, I am in myself. So, I have come to the conclusion that this is not going to change, i.e. his confidence will not increase, (we have been married for a long time!) so I try to avoid these kinds of situations so he does not get weirded out.

So, yes, I do compromise in my marriage, but I do wish that all things are equal as far as emotions go. The reality of it is, that all things are not equal as far as emotions go so we deal with the issues as they come.

spoke

I think this is an important point. There are all sorts of things that "should" be true of any relationship, and the jealousy/control issues we're talking about are certainly right up there at the top -- nobody should have to deal with this.

BUT -- marriage, unfortunately, is between two imperfect people, each of whom has baggage and faults.

(And having married young, I also know the issues of each person growing/changing and putting strains on the relationship. It's a lot different when you've done most of that growth and change prior to marriage.)

While I agree that nobody should be controlled by another's jealousy, I also believe that we are sensitive to those we love and respect. Each of us has deal-breakers in our marriage, and will look at somebody else's marriage and say, "I would not put up with that," but whether we realize it or not somebody else might think the same about our relationships.

Longwinded, but just trying to make the point that a couple of others have already. The presence of a good riding buddy isn't worth a lot of marital strife unless you've already drawn that line in the sand and decided, "Either he learns to accept stuff like this or else, because I can't live this way."

If it's that big an issue, then of course there's more going on there than just the recent bicycling issue.

I'm not sure I'm making sense -- just got back from a long camping trip and my brain is fuzzy. But I agree with everyone else, this has been an illuminating conversation. (I agree with everybody. How common is that?)