Gotta Vent. *Bangs head against wall*

[mimitabby]

This is all very interesting, KSH I agree, it must be a real pain to have to deal with him acting this way. It brings to mind my stepfather, who is now 80 and failing fast.
He had an early retirement, he was about 60 when his oil company laid off about 60% of their employees, including him and his group of 90.
He was young, vibrant, handsome and active when he was 60. He decided when he retired that from then on he wasn't going to have to do ANYTHING anymore. (like yardwork, hiking, exercising) because you know, he was retired now.
So he sat down in his chair and watched TV. He moved from a house with a big yard to a house with a little yard so he would have less to do.
My mother, on the other hand, no athlete, made no such choice. She joined a gym, works in the yard (and of course does all the house work).
many times over the years doctors have suggested exercise, therapy to strengthen his limbs, improve his muscle tone, lower his blood pressure and
to consume some of the calories that instead go right into his blood and are slowly poisoning him with diabetes.


Now he's go no muscle left on his legs, he's diabetic,
has high blood pressure, his bones are a mess.

He has taught us the most awful life lesson. STAY active.

[HillSlugger]

He's his own person and he's in charge of his training, his race results, and his life. You can't make him train; he has to make himself train, and it has to be because it's important to him. Unfortunately, you're the one who has to live with his attitude. Actually, you don't have to put up with it. You could tell him that he can belly ache and complain only when he's put in the kind of training you've been doing.

[hurleygirl]

He's his own person and he's in charge of his training, his race results, and his life. You can't make him train; he has to make himself train, and it has to be because it's important to him. Unfortunately, you're the one who has to live with his attitude. Actually, you don't have to put up with it. You could tell him that he can belly ache and complain only when he's put in the kind of training you've been doing.

I was going to add my own thoughts, but you seem to be reading my mind.

KSH, do your race and if you keep beating him by larger and larger margins, he may realize the error in his ways. Ignore him when he whines - if you can.

Luckily my husband doesn't have the "I have to be faster than my wife" problem. If he does start, I just tease him by telling him he's got himself a trophy wife and the other guys are all jealous. He knows I"m joking, and he's not seriously upset that I'm faster, but making light of it helps tremendously.

[KSH]

He's his own person and he's in charge of his training, his race results, and his life. You can't make him train; he has to make himself train, and it has to be because it's important to him. Unfortunately, you're the one who has to live with his attitude. Actually, you don't have to put up with it. You could tell him that he can belly ache and complain only when he's put in the kind of training you've been doing.

Oh trust me. I don't make him train. I offer up for him to come along with me... but if he says no... I drop the subject. I don't harp on him to join me. He can not train if he wants to.

And... sometimes, I rather like training alone. Not to mention, I like doing distances on the bike and he doesn't. When he does go with me to bike rallies, he gets rather grumpy half way through it. Although, he does his best to hide it from me.

I tolerate his attitude as best I can. I try to ignore it pretty much. When I do point out that he doesn't really train... he says that he has been training, or he thinks that he should be fast even though he doesn't train.

[KSH]

Now he's go no muscle left on his legs, he's diabetic,
has high blood pressure, his bones are a mess.

He has taught us the most awful life lesson. STAY active.

WOW! Sounds like my Mother. She is only 60 (or 59?), but I keep thinking she is around 65. For her, going on a trip or driving more than 30 minutes is just too much for her to handle. I wanted her come to a tri of mine, but getting up at 6:00 AM was just too much and then having to sit outside for 2-4 hours was going to be too much as well.

She retired about 2 years ago and ever since then she has turned into a couch/bed blob who never moves. Doesn't clean the house, doesn't cook (never really did!), just eats out (gaining 5 lbs a month, up to 170 lbs at 5'1"), and sleeps.

Her retirement came around because she broke her arm. Once that happened, she was useless for about 6 months. I was there right after it happened, and she decided to take a bath. Yea, bad idea. She should not get to standing position from being in the tub, because she needed both arms to push herself up. I tried to help her and her legs had no muscle to speak of. I basically had to lift her dead weight out of the tub. I seriously though I was going to have to call someone to get her out.

Like you said... I got taught a lesson... on how NOT to live. One needs to stay active and keep that muscle tone up!

Now days, every phone conversation eventually ends up with us talking about "when she dies". Seeing how she smokes, never works out, can barely walk anywhere, and can't do anything anymore... unfortunately it might be sooner than later.

[HappyAnika]

KSH, sorry to hear about your Mom. Both of my parents are couch potatoes, they eat a terrible diet, full of processed fatty foods. They drink, a lot, and they smoked for 30 + years until just a few months ago. My dad finally had to quit because he was diagnosed with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. He said to me "Well, I should have quit smoking years ago". And I'm thinking "Yeah, like when I asked you to when I was 7 years old and I learned how bad smoking is . . ." Not looking forward to watching my parents die of lung/liver cancer . . . It is really hard to watch those you love make poor life choices.

Anyway, your issue with BF sounds similar to my issue with DH and his eating. He complains that he needs to loose weight, but then he loads up on his favorites, sausage and cheese. I tried gently making suggestions (like maybe not eat so much sausage and cheese), and he got surprisingly and exceedingly defensive. I gave it a few months, then I tried again, even more gently, and he was still very defensive. I got the feeling that he didn't want advice from me, that he felt he should be able to solve the problem on his own. I was just trying to give him another perspective. Finally I've been able to get my points across by applying them to myself, such as "I read that eating more protein in the morning helps to control hunger during the day, so I'm going to try that next week . . ." I've been much more successful using the indirect approach, speaking in generalizations instead of "YOU should do such and such".

You could try saying something like "I'm happy with my bike average, I think those 65 mile rides really helped increase my speed". Maybe he'll take the hint if its not delivered in the form of a lecture. (Not to imply that you were lecturing him, so to speak).

(Meanwhile DH has been training like a nut and is the thinnest he's been since he was in high school. All the exercise makes him more concsious of how he eats and he's doing a great job of limiting his sausage and cheese intake).

[anakiwa]

It may be best to just leave the subject alone for a while. He's probably smarter than he's acting and has a sense that he needs to train more (it's not always easy to acknowledge advice, but sometimes it's still heard). It's also possible that he's burnt out on training and needs to take a break. Either way, he's going to need to figure it out on his own.

I sure sympathize though- it doesn't sound like a fun situation.