Jane, thanks for checking on me. It has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions most of the weekend and today. I have my good moments when I realize that what has happened with exBF is for the best. I have bad moments when I realize how much I miss him and will miss him. Like today I realized that the big bike event here this year would be different - I would have to find a place to stay for we would not be sharing his tent. I have contacted a couple of good friends and talked with them at length and afterwards I feel better but too fades. The nights suck! Every night before I would go to sleep regardless if we were together or at our respective homes I would say "Good night _____, I love you." Last night I realized that was not a good way to close my night so I simply wished him peace. I picked up my personal items last night. He did not want to talk but finally let me in so we could talk - I had questions I needed answered to help with my closure. Before I left I handed him a letter I wrote, very honest and frank. I don't know if he read it or tossed it but it made me feel better to put my feelings on paper. I've scheduled an appointment with a counselor I've meet with a couple of times in the past for tomorrow afternoon. I'm hoping she will give me some guidance.

I see my doctor on Wednesday for my post-op check up and I'm hoping she will let me out of "recovery prison" soon! I've been good no heavy lifting. I cleaned my house today and gave both of my dogs a much needed bath. Not much I can do given my restrictions.

Life goes on and I'm doing my best to heal both physcially, emotionally and mentally. It will get better I know.