LOL.

Here is one 12-step program, but it could use some (much) improvement:
  1. Admit we are powerless over our addiction -- it is all about the bike.
  2. Believe in the power of Lance, Miguel, Bernard, Eddy and Jacques.
  3. Decide to turn our will and our lives over to becoming faster, stronger and lighter.
  4. Make a searching and fearless inventory of all bike catalogs.
  5. Admit the exact nature of our wrong turns.
  6. Allow time on the bicycle to remove all defects in cadence and spin.
  7. Humbly admit that we'll never ride like Lance.
  8. Make a list of all reckless drivers, and pass the list on to others.
  9. Make direct eye contact with motorists and signal hazards to other cyclists.
  10. Continue to take personal inventory and replace worn out gear.
  11. Seek to always improve our components.
  12. Awake to the results of these steps, ride all day and eat what we want, and carry this message to others.