What am I missing?

[rapid cycler]

OK, so I had big plans this weekend: Go out and ride as many of the bikes under consideration as I could cram into one action-packed holiday weekend. I prepped Saturday morning by taking the ol' 5200 out for a few hours, plenty of time to get a good ache going in my shoulders and neck so that I would be primed to feel pain during my test rides, 'cause just about any bike feels great when I'm fresh—at least for the first hour.

I wore bibs under my clothes so that I could coyly drop my pants when I was ready for the salesperson to offer up a test ride. Girl Scouts come prepared.

Store #1: Agoura Cycles in Agoura Hills, Calif.

As promised online, the store had a generous stock of Orbeas, including multiple sizes in both the Diva and Onix Dama. I spotted a 49cm Onix Dama, my target size, but it was pink! I haven't worn a dress in 20 years (and even then I looked like a boy in a dress). And by the time I was 12 years old, my bright yellow Sears bicycle had a BMX seat and handlebars where its flowered banana seat and basket once stood. I'm not even sure I can ride a pink bike ironically given that I'm often addressed as sir by people who fail to notice my D-cup breasts.

Saleswoman Kristen came over as I was checking out the Dama and said, “That’s definitely going to be my next bike!”

I told her I wasn’t in love with the color, to which she enthusiastically replied that she LOVED it and would be pimping it out further with pink cable housing and pink bar tape. We may have a vastly different aesthetic, but I liked her—especially after I learned, later, that this was a second, weekend job that she had taken on because the store owner called her bluff when she said he needed a saleswoman who could speak directly to women’s needs as well as folks new to cycling. Go, Kristen! And go, store owner!

What Kristen was unable to tell me was that the Onix Dama only comes in pink, at least in the 2007 model year. But before this came to light I decided that I could, perhaps, straddle a pink bike with a pink saddle. And then once I was straddling one, I figured I might as well take it for a test spin. Outside. Me, on a pink bike.

I took it up a hill and into some fun, winding roads, all woo-hoo and such, and then, about 30 minutes in, my lower back started screaming at me. Great, I thought, there’s no pain in my neck and shoulders, but now there’s pain down south. It’s like there’s some finite amount of pain that must be felt somewhere, so where would I like it? Then I noted the toe overlap. Granted, I was riding in sneakers, but you can see where this test ride was headed. I returned to the bike shop, mentally crossing the Onix off my dream list. Dare I ride the Diva?

My partner was waiting for me in the store, wondering whether I had maybe been hit by a car and how long she should wait before hopping in her own car to search for my remains. But then I came riding up, shaking my head dejectedly.

“It’s probably best that you don’t like it, because it comes in pink only,” she said. “But the mechanic said the men’s 48cm model has very similar geometry, so we set one up for you with a shorter stem!”

She was so cute, all gung-ho and trying to get me just as excited about giving another Onix a whirl. But I was pessimistically certain that I would have the same problems on the similarly apportioned men’s model. Nevertheless, they had set it all up for me, so I had to give it a college try.

The Onix TdF felt different the moment I got on. Pedaling on flat road was a dream, and when I started up that first hill I felt my whole body respond to the task, working the pedals with a kind of fluidity I had never experienced on inclines of any note. The farther I went, the more I could feel my lower face compulsively breaking into some kind of freakish smile.

I had always sneered previously when reading those bike reviews in which the testers go on and on about the bike coming to feel like an extention of themselves, but now I knew exactly what they meant!

To paraphrase Jane Austen, “Readers, I married it.” How could I not? Several days have now passed and that freakish smile still hasn’t fallen from my face. On Sunday I took it out on a 35-mile canyon route that I had always, always had to break into two legs, such was the pain that had always overtaken my neck at mile 15—I know, pitiful. But on Sunday I had zero desire to get off the bike. Break? No way! That would cut into my available biking time. Omigod, road biking doesn’t have to hurt? Hallelujah, and pass the chain lube.

So, to sum up, I went to exactly one bike store and rode just two bikes, which wasn’t my master plan. But they say that when you find The One, you just feel it. My response to the Onix was as visceral as the first pangs of true love—I was just lucky enough to find mine on the first date.

[jobob]

LOL, I love your story. Well done and congratulations - may you have many happy miles together.

[Mr. Bloom]

That's great. Congrats

[cosc]

Sounds like a marriage made in heaven! Have many wonderful adventures with your orbea. Pictures please?

[rij73]

What a great story! And beautifully written... I second the motion for pictures. I'm a sucker for pictures of a new bike!

[rapid cycler]

OK, finally managed to arrange a photo shoot with my new bike—it's very busy, you know. Thanks for asking!

The only mods from stock are the Thomson seatpost, the pimped-out handlebar tape, and my beloved Selle Italia LDY seat.

[rij73]

Beautiful! I've been lusting after Orbea's in the park... Yours looks fantastic!