Post Mother's Day blues

[IntenseRide]

I have no comprehension of what a loving mother is like.
My mother is too toxic for me to be around.
I know I am a positive being. I just need constant reassurance from outside sources because I am always running low on my own inner reserves.
Barb

You just wrote this for me. While I was growing up I thought it was normal to be ignored and then controlled and constantly punished. I over-achieved in school with a perfect 4.0 the entire way through to college. I played in 4 team sports and 3 school clubs and won artistic and academic awards. Nothing was ever noticed. I never remember my mother saying "I love you". She never attended anything I was a part of. I've been married 22 years and have two children and she has seen them only a handful of times. This from a woman who is financially extremely well-off. Never a call or note on my anniversaries or Mother's Day and my birthdays, its my father calling! The damage is done and there is this need for constant reassurance because you feel inadequate, but you can't figure out why. There are many books written on the subject, I've read a few and they help. But it still hurts deeply like nothing else, this rejection from the very thing that is meant to show love. So like a lot of you above, you HAVE to protect yourself and move on, even when you feel you are doing something wrong and the guilt hits hard. I felt like sending flowers to my Mom for not calling her, with a note of 'sorry I forgot' but after reading all of this I realize that people are going to treat you pretty much the way you allow them to. Thanks to all of you, especially Barb for starting this post. Mimi, LBTC and UForgot, thank you so much for your support.

Nita