Post Mother's Day blues

[bacarver]

I knew the other day when I started this thread that it would benefit me. I needed validation. I needed to communicate with others who can relate. I feel less alone, and I feel the support offered in a multitude of directions to many of you out there who are living variations of this struggle with the "Mom" thing. I have no idea what my mother's problem is. I think she has a personality disorder + decision to be angry and negative 24/7 + serious control issues. I have no comprehension of what a loving mother is like. No one else has ever been this for me. This is one reason I volunteer at the animal shelter. I can give my love and energy and resources to cats and dogs that gladly absorb it without judging me. My mother is too toxic for me to be around. She spewed hate at me till I said, "Enough!" I know I am a positive being. I just need constant reassurance from outside sources because I am always running low on my own inner reserves. I am 47 today. The older I get, the greater the awareness becomes bit by bit.
Make a positive contribution to those around you today.
Barb

[IntenseRide]

I have no comprehension of what a loving mother is like.
My mother is too toxic for me to be around.
I know I am a positive being. I just need constant reassurance from outside sources because I am always running low on my own inner reserves.
Barb

You just wrote this for me. While I was growing up I thought it was normal to be ignored and then controlled and constantly punished. I over-achieved in school with a perfect 4.0 the entire way through to college. I played in 4 team sports and 3 school clubs and won artistic and academic awards. Nothing was ever noticed. I never remember my mother saying "I love you". She never attended anything I was a part of. I've been married 22 years and have two children and she has seen them only a handful of times. This from a woman who is financially extremely well-off. Never a call or note on my anniversaries or Mother's Day and my birthdays, its my father calling! The damage is done and there is this need for constant reassurance because you feel inadequate, but you can't figure out why. There are many books written on the subject, I've read a few and they help. But it still hurts deeply like nothing else, this rejection from the very thing that is meant to show love. So like a lot of you above, you HAVE to protect yourself and move on, even when you feel you are doing something wrong and the guilt hits hard. I felt like sending flowers to my Mom for not calling her, with a note of 'sorry I forgot' but after reading all of this I realize that people are going to treat you pretty much the way you allow them to. Thanks to all of you, especially Barb for starting this post. Mimi, LBTC and UForgot, thank you so much for your support.

Nita

[crazybikinchic]

My situation is a little different. I am a Mom. My daughter passed away 6 years ago. I hate going to church and they ask the Mother's to stand to be recognized. Do I stand or not? I tried last year and ended up in the bathroom crying. I don't feel like a Mom. I opted to not go to church on Sunday, I went with DH to work instead. I feel bad because I have an awesome Mom, and I am unable to make the day special for her because it hurts me so much. Thank you all for helping me to realize that I am not the only one that hates that day.

[mimitabby]

hey crazybikechick, you'll ALWAYS be a mom! don't let ANYONE take that from you!

[Zen]

Pooks, you are a literary treasure trove.

[crazycanuck]

I've been pondering responding to this post but then felt bad about wether or not it would create further sadness.

I have to say Mother's day doesn't mean much as do the other holidays. I have a wonderful Mom & call her every couple of weeks not just on Mother's day. We email & call as often as we can even if there is a time difference.

As a teen I thought my parents were uncool but my friends told me otherwise. It wasn't until years later that I caught up with many of my school friends from base & realized how good a mom I really have.

I guess what i'm trying to say is, although there may be sadness in this thread, there's one chickie who's proud of having the mom she does.

Tanks

C

[LBTC]

Jen, sometimes friendships start and we don't even realize all the ways we are connected! Too bad you're just not down the street so we can visit over a glass of wine!

I'll email more soon.

Here's to all you ladies who are shut out of mother's day for whatever reason. We are not alone.

And here's to all of you ladies who can celebrate the day, your mom, your kids and all that is involved with being a mom, too.

Don't let what other people think or say change who you are or what you do. You are beautiful.

Hugs and big encouraging, reassuring, comforting, accepting, unconditional butterflies,
~T~