Post Mother's Day blues

[indysteel]

Barb, big hug. I'm sorry that yesterday was hard on you. I've had a conflicted and painful relationship with my mom for a long, long time. It's gotten better over the last couple of years, but I still know better than to expect much from her. So, I know that side of what you're going through. It's always felt rather disengenous to celebrate her. Even just picking out a card is rough for me. Some of them express sentiments that I just can't sign off on. Since I'm single, almost 38 and childless, I'm familiar too with feeling left out in that regard. Thankfully, I'm pretty much at peace with the idea of not being a mom, but I sometimes feel like an alien creature around any type of family holiday.

No matter what, you deserve to be celebrated. We all do.

K-

[7rider]

Mother's Day
Father's Day
Valentine's Day
(more?)
Why are there these "invented" holidays - created merely to sell cards and make many of us feel left out and miserable?
Chin up, please. I know it's hard. Please don't use some day on a calendar to beat yourself up.
You're doing great and you belong. You belong here. You belong at the shelter helping those poor animals. And we're all better for it.
((hugs))
SMILE!

[Thistle]

(((( bacarver)))))

my husband and i do it tough on mother's day too. we're really glad it's over.

take care.

[mimitabby]

Mother's Day
Father's Day
Valentine's Day
(more?)
Why are there these "invented" holidays - created merely to sell cards and make many of us feel left out and miserable?
Chin up, please. I know it's hard. Please don't use some day on a calendar to beat yourself up.
You're doing great and you belong. You belong here. You belong at the shelter helping those poor animals. And we're all better for it.
((hugs))
SMILE!

Hey Regina, they're all made up holidays! Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's ...
and because we're expected to make merry and hang out with family... if your family is broken, it's really hard on you.

[7rider]

Agreed.

[IntenseRide]

I am so glad I got on today to read this thread! Yesterday was hell for me also, and my heart goes out to all of you. I couldn't call my mother yesterday because I just didn't want to hear her voice and that aweful way she makes me feel. I've felt that way for weeks before Mother's Day, wondering what to do. The last time I spoke with her she told me I was no longer her daughter. I've heard that too many times during my life, so I figured why bother anymore? I've done everything I was supposed to do, or what 'they' say a woman is supposed to do in life, and now I've realized that life is short and precious and the conventional just doesn't do it for me. Bitter people are just that, even if they happen to be your mother, and I've learned to stay away from poison people. I wonder if any of you look back on your lives and wonder how people get the way they are? Or did God put people like that on earth to serve as an example of what not to be? I know that my daughter will never suffer the way I did. And...she had a very nice mountainbike (I was not allowed to ride and I never had a bike until I was 39). Thanks for the great posts here, I was nodding my head a zillion times, right down to not being able to pick a card out because nothing fit! Peace everyone...

[mimitabby]

I am so glad I got on today to read this thread! Yesterday was hell for me also, and my heart goes out to all of you. I couldn't call my mother yesterday because I just didn't want to hear her voice and that aweful way she makes me feel. I've felt that way for weeks before Mother's Day, wondering what to do. The last time I spoke with her she told me I was no longer her daughter. I've heard that too many times during my life, so I figured why bother anymore? I've done everything I was supposed to do, or what 'they' say a woman is supposed to do in life, and now I've realized that life is short and precious and the conventional just doesn't do it for me. Bitter people are just that, even if they happen to be your mother, and I've learned to stay away from poison people. I wonder if any of you look back on your lives and wonder how people get the way they are? Or did God put people like that on earth to serve as an example of what not to be? I know that my daughter will never suffer the way I did. And...she had a very nice mountainbike (I was not allowed to ride and I never had a bike until I was 39). Thanks for the great posts here, I was nodding my head a zillion times, right down to not being able to pick a card out because nothing fit! Peace everyone...

INtense, you sound just like my cousin. My cousin is the sweetest lady, she's in her 60's now and her mother, my ancient old battleaxe aunt is ALWAYS saying nasty things about her and whenever my cousin calls her, she gets
it right in the face.
My cousin, no matter what she does or says makes her mother mad. and her mother tells everyone what she thinks. Age does NOT improve some people.
I just hope my cousin can outlive her mother just so she can heal a little from all the guilt her mother lays on her.

[LBTC]

I'm glad to have found this thread too. Intense, your mom and mine sound a lot alike. The difference is, it's been years since I've tried to make peace with her. I decided a long time ago, whether right or wrong, that life is too short to deal with the anxiety, stress, guilt, etc, etc, of pretending to get along with poisonous people, even if they are family.

The last card that I got her on mother's day said "because it's mother's day, because you're you". I don't think I wrote anything in it besides signing it.

One thing she taught me without reservation is to never appear to condone something if you really don't. Well, I try to be more accepting of just about everyone, but she is the one who taught me the lesson, so I'd best practice it perfectly when it comes to her. I don't condone her behaviour, so I will not be party to it. And that's all there is to it.

Generally speaking, I don't think about my blood family much; my family is made up of the sisters here, and my dearest friends, and, of course, my fur kids past and present.

Happy 'your' day! May it be loaded with butterflies,

Hugs,
~T~