bacarver, i am sorry about your family.

I wished my niece (an unwed mother of a 5 year old) happy mother's day and she got very hostile. She said there didn't need to be a day for mothers, if you appreciate your mother you should show it every day not just once a year.
I was really taken aback by her hostility; i wondered what she will do when her little daughter comes home with a brightly colored handmade mother's day card it sounded like the tot will get damaged as well.
Sad.

All I can say is; while people are still alive, you have a chance to mend the broken relationships. Once they're dead, it's too late. Good luck.