What would you have done differently?

[Gogirl]

I would have had more kids and had them earlier. I would have ended dead-end relationships earlier. I would have kept my high-paying job so I could retire earlier...and bike more.

[teigyr]

Indysteel,

I will look up that book.

And for all of those who would have left abusive or bad relationships, I agree wholeheartedly. I was there too. I reached a point in my life where I feel all I have to answer to is myself so I would try but there is no shame in walking away if I try to no avail. And there is no excuse for abuse, of course.

A long time ago I was an insecure 23 year old and went out with an abusive guy. I don't think he realized he was abusive but maybe he did. He'd do things like make me cry then say "I'm going out, are you coming?" I'd feel paranoid if he went out without me (he was a cheater) so I'd go but I'd feel ugly because my makeup was runny and my eyes were puffy. He would also do things like hold lighters up to me and if I jumped, he would get mad and say I didn't trust him. BAD man! My regret? None yet but he lives in the same state as me and IF I see him and don't act on my true feelings, I'll be regretful! I think I aged better than him, I'm in a far better place now, and he is doomed to live in whatever hell life he created. 'Course it wouldn't hurt if I kicked him in the shins too but then I'd be the abusive one Idiot.

[lizbids]

What I would have done differently...

--Ignored the trashy girls that made my life miserable in jr. high.

--Go to film school when I had money for it (somehow taking out a loan for $80K right now for school seems absurd).

--Come out when I was in high school.

--Gone to therapy shortly after that

--Cared less about other people's opinions

These lists can go on, right? I can't help but wonder who I would be without these experiences. Maybe I wouldn't be as strong as I am now, you know? So, perhaps we can look back at the shoulda--woulda--couldas and feel anguish, or we can study our present and determine to make better choices that reflect who we are for the future.

That's probably the most positive thing I've uttered all year

[chickwhorips]

as of right now, let certain comments slide off my back. not to let "stupid" people affect me. not to take life to seriously. i've learned that now, but earlier i didn't. i'm glad i learned that lesson.

otherwise, i'm still young and have so many things to do. i just hope i have tim to do all of it!

[Trek420]

What I refer to as the "condo that got away". I shoulda told my agent "I want that, increase the loan". It was only 25K more than what I got (only???) near perfect move in condition, dog park 2 blocks away but more important a real nice, short, tree-lined, wide bike laned, quiet residential FLAT ride to BART and downtown.

shoulda woulda coulda....I've been happy here.

[stella]

hmmm...
I would have gone to law school earlier, I just didn't have the confidence when I was younger.

negotiated better salaries for myself so that I could have more money saved for my daughter's schooling and me and my so's retirement....but we still have time!

I am happy with my life, I am just taking the lessons I have learned from the "what I would have done differently" and am incorporating them into my life. I came out at a young age during a "not so friendly" era in a very homophobic town with NO regrets. 99% of the time listened to my gut in relationships (only lived with 2), only 1 time I dated someone that my gut said "RUN." I learned a lot from that, though....like--trust your gut!

oh, yeah....Trek420, like you I had the condo that go away: it was 1987, the condo was dirt cheap in Provincetown, MA. I wouldn't take the risk...

[lizbids]

I heard that, about not living with people when your gut warns you...but you know, all these wonderful things in my life wouldn't have happened if I didn't live with this insane person and straighten some things out in my own life as I moved away. Sorry...just came back from a wedding and am DELIR IOUS!!

[CyclaSutra]

It's so hard to think in terms of doing something differently, because all my choices have made me who I am today.

If I had NOT let a boy cause me to drop out of school, I never would have moved back in with my mom and gotten a little bit closer to her. I wouldn't have had three years of journalism experience under my belt by the time I moved West. I might never have moved West, which is where it feels like I was meant to live.

OK, here's a good one: I would have NOT ridden crazy down an eroded singletrack and tried to hop the side at 20 mph, which resulted in a full knee construction and a 30-pound weight gain that I've spent the past 9 years trying to shake. Know your limits, ride within them.

But being a bit manic, living with abandon, being a little crazy... that's all part of me, and it's served me well.

Maybe a better question for me would be: "How would you raise your daughter to help her avoid some of your less glamorous choices?" But since I haven't yet decided whether to have one, that's a bit moot. Here's the answer anyway: Make her play sports, give her plenty of attention so she doesn't need it from boys, raise her self-esteem and keep it high so she believes she can do ANYTHING she wants to do!

[lph]

Now THAT is a good quote, CycleSutra (G. B. Shaw). I'll tell myself that next time I'm feeling sorry for myself.

[limewave]

I wish I hadn't have spent so much time stressing about things I had no control over.

However, I'm thankful for the road I've traveled that has led me to today. The last five years I feel like I've been living my happily ever after