don't try to master everything at once. pick one aspect to focus on at a time and once you've perfected that, move onto another one. for example, start with your elbows -- big bang for your buck there. to remind yourself, write a little note on your stem or tie a ribbon around your handlebar or create some trigger that will help you remember to relax your elbows. even though I've been riding forever once in a while I still have to remind myself. I usually make chicken wings and flap them to loosen myself up. for fingers, my trigger is to play piano on the bar. those are the only two things I tend to tense up occassionally.