What would you have done differently?

[LBTC]

Ah, Indy - exactly!

Two points:

I pondered this a lot because many health care professionals say that certain personality traits are common with people who have Crohn's disease. I can't help but wonder if certain shifts may have prevented the health issues I'm dealing with right now.

And, since I am dealing with this right now, are any of those things that I might have changed, things I can change right now? Yes. I cried last night.

Sounds odd, but I've used a lot of energy for most of my life in "being happy" - laugh a lot, smile a lot, look at the positive; and I've spent very little of my energy honouring the other emotions I feel. Something can be said for how that might affect my health, right?

Here's an interesting thought: I did not realize that I have a competitive streak until a few years ago when I placed well in a couple of mtb races. It gave me a completely different view of my life, especially the pressures I didn't realize that I was putting on myself. Now, had I known about this crazy competitive me, what would I have done? I don't know if I have the answer to that, but at my age (39), and in my state of health that prevents me from "going hard" at anything, it seems extra hard to find ways to deal with that....

And then there's the part of me that says no way would I change anything. If I had even participated in a sport in school, would I have ever met DH??? I mean, seriously, every single action we take has some kind of repercussion. Some of those repercussions are the best things in my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything!

So, as always, my "opinion" comes in as right on the fence. But I have made a slight shift that I'm pleased with. Cry more.

Hugs and butterflies to each of you. It's not too late to build the you you want to be!

~T~

[Mr. Bloom]

I would have cared more about "people" earlier in life and less about "things" and "impressions". It's interesting now how I'm learning this lesson from our kids.

It's also interesting that once you obtain the things you desire or when you achieve the goals you seek, then...and only then...you see the meaningful things you missed along the way.

As Paul said:
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content in any circumstance. I have experienced times of need and times of abundance. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of contentment, whether I go satisfied or hungry, have plenty or nothing.

"To be content in any circumstance" is a blessing of great value

[pepe6599]

I do have many regrets but nothing that I would of done different. Sure I wish sometimes but my life is the greatest looking at the future then at the past.

[teigyr]

I think it's hard to have regrets because everything shapes us to be who we are now. There are silly little things such as that I didn't wear my headgear when I was young so now I have braces now as an adult, etc., but those are life lessons. Life wasn't always perfect nor is it perfect now but I wouldn't change it because everything led up to now.

I will say I have been very lucky so maybe that's why I'm the way I am. My divorce was peaceful, my parents are still healthy though we've had some scares in the past, and I am very happily remarried. Oddly enough, my husband and I have some "imperfect past" things in common which is pretty cool because our references are the same.

The one lesson I am glad I learned is that to appreciate who is in your life while they are there. I used to think mortality was something that would never affect me. I've learned with friends, pets, and family, to take the time to see them and to look at the positive instead of the negative. This was really driven home when my dad was in ICU. I can fly for free and yet stopped visiting as often. When he was taken to the hospital, we didn't know if he would make it or not. I won't make the mistake again of putting things off because you never know what the future will hold. My parents can be frustrating and difficult at times (can't we all?) but seeing them in that state is better than the alternative.

[Trek420]

While I'm happy with my life and have no regrets but I would hit the rewind button to:

When A.N asked me to go work with her at Bridges said "yes" to the souse chef job and said "no" to the graphics job from he)).

I was about 12 on a cross country road trip with my family. In the Midwest my Dad thought it would be a great thing for me if I could ride in a giant wheat harvester. He stopped the car, strode out into the field and stopped this thing the size of a ginormous house. The driver agreed I could ride. I was too shy.

I'd give anything to go back in time and say "yes".

Took care of the knee when it got crunched in Aikido as soon as it stopped hurting I went back. Rehab, who knew??

Probably should have got outa the last relationship 4-5 years before I did. But then I would not have met Knott I'm sure. Timing is everything in life.

[Pax]

Trek - I can help you with righting one of yours "shoulda's"...come on out to IL and I'll get you a ride on a combine (if you come in the Fall) or a BIG tractor any time of the year.

[lph]

I would have told my brother I loved him.

I didn't even know until he was gone. I hope he knew.


Otherwise - I do believe in living without regrets, just with lessons learnt.

[Trek420]

Trek - I can help you with righting one of yours "shoulda's"...come on out to IL and I'll get you a ride on a combine (if you come in the Fall) or a BIG tractor any time of the year.

Hmmmm

[Kitsune06]

I would have put less effort into trying to be liked, and liked myself more; sought out people who liked me for who I was. That lesson took too long to learn.

I would've been a little more adamant that my health problems get looked into when I was a kid. My back, joint, and stomach problems are not hypochondria.

I would've gone out for school sports. Even if I thought I sucked. I must not have if the coach stuck me in for important games. I would've gone on XC with Megan in junior high. Punker Megan who shared my birthday and always came in last but tried anyway. At that age, it doesn't occur to you to tell people how proud of them you are, just for trying. We just laughed together about her being last, but could tell she had fun.


Among the coulda-woulda-shouldas, we need to accept that life follows the path it does because of all the things in our past. Maybe not 'for a reason' or to a specific, pre-determined end, but our own personal experiences dictate so much of our lives, personalities, options and reactions to everyday existence. The universe saw fit to show me darkness before I could experience the light.

[chickwhorips]

as of right now, let certain comments slide off my back. not to let "stupid" people affect me. not to take life to seriously. i've learned that now, but earlier i didn't. i'm glad i learned that lesson.

otherwise, i'm still young and have so many things to do. i just hope i have tim to do all of it!

[Trek420]

What I refer to as the "condo that got away". I shoulda told my agent "I want that, increase the loan". It was only 25K more than what I got (only???) near perfect move in condition, dog park 2 blocks away but more important a real nice, short, tree-lined, wide bike laned, quiet residential FLAT ride to BART and downtown.

shoulda woulda coulda....I've been happy here.

[indysteel]

I think it's hard to have regrets because everything shapes us to be who we are now.

I have spent a great deal of time thinking just that over the past year. There are number of painful experiences I've had over the years that have led, directly or indirectly, to some of the happiest parts of my life. Most recently, I had a difficult relationship and painful breakup with the man who inspired me to start riding and practicing yoga, both of which have helped me to dramatically reinvent myself. The cause and effect of that relationship really jolted me into cultivating a deep sense of gratitude for my life experiences, both good and bad. There's a mystery and wonder about the whats, whys, whos and hows of my life that I'm really trying to embrace.

My yoga teacher instructs us to be open to our in-breath, rather than to force it or to suck air in. For me, that's provided an apt metaphor for being open to my life. It's not that I live recklessly or without any kind of plan or goals, but I am trying to let go of certain preconceived notions about what my life or any experience within it is supposed to look like. As high-strung lawyer who's also a Virgo , it's proving to be very liberating.

By the way, in the midst of all of my soul searching this year, I read a wonderfully insightful and funny book called Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I recommend it wholeheartedly. It's about a writer who, in the midst of some tough personal crises, travels to Italy, India and Bali to explore, respectively, three parts of her personality--pleasure, spirituality, and balance. The book really resonated with me.