What would you have done differently?

[LBTC]

temporary co-worker, 15 years younger than I am, and very healthy, asked me this today (I had been cautioning her on not being a perfectionist - just look where it got me!)

I thought about this as I walked home tonight....my brain rattled through the usual: laugh more, play more, yada yada, then the aha moment:

cry more


so, what would you have done differently?

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[mountainchick]

maybe only gone to a different college so i wouldn't be racked with the debt i am, but other than that....nothing!

its been hard, easy, fun, lots of ups and downs but i'm happy where i am, and past decisions have gotten me here so i can't complain!

[bmccasland]

Laugh more

If things in life (relationships, jobs) are affecting your health and you've made reasonable attempts to correct the problems (talk with supervisors or bosses, counseling), then RUN! That could be figuratively or literally. Definitely find and activity to get outside away from work - riding bikes, hiking, gardening, playing catch with the dog. There's more to life than work (unless you're one of those really lucky people that loves their job) and housework.

[Pax]

I would have gotten out and stayed out of the stifling environment that is the Midwest.

That and when I was a firefighter I would have (should have) fought them harder to stay on the department after I was injured.

[indysteel]

There's lots I would have done differently, but here are a few things off the top of my head:

I would have taken a semester/year to travel abroad before becoming an attorney. In that same vein, I wish I'd done something of service like Americorps before saddling myself with student loans from law school. But if I'm really rewriting my life, I would have become a journalist/writer instead of a lawyer.

I would have taken more risks, e.g., I would have moved away after law school and just hoped for the best. I'm a very cautious person and I think that, more than my abilities or skill set, has held me back.

I would have spent less time crying over ex-boyfriends and more over lost friends.

Of course, I would have taken up cycling and yoga a lot earlier.

I would have volunteered more.

I would never have gotten a tv or cable. I didn't own a tv for a long time and regret that I ever bought one (I know, I know. What's stopping me from getting rid of it now.....) Instead, I wish I would have become an NPR junkie a lot sooner.

I wish I'd recognized when I was younger that I didn't need to know all the answers, that I didn't even know all the questions and that I should have just relaxed and gone with the flow a lot more. It's great to be driven and to have a plan, but I think you also need to be open to surprises.

[Duck on Wheels]

1) I'd have said no to that position in a social club back in high school, rather than worry about not being able to do what was expected, not even agree with what was expected, and then simply not do it.
2) Thought before speaking and thus avoided unintentionally insulting a high school classmate.
3) Not threatened to chuck out DDs comics if she didn't clean them up by deadline, so that I then wouldn't have had to follow through on the threat.
4) Taken DS Iceland pony riding that one day on Iceland, rather than joining the rest of the gang (two-family trip) sightseeing in town.

Other than that, I don't really have a lot of regrets. Sure, I could have done lots of things different or better, but I don't think I've done them so badly as to be hurtfull so I think I should just accept my weaknesses and move on.

[surgtech1956]

Starting sticking $$$ into a retirement account when I was 18. Listen to that little voice telling me who I really was - not denying it. Maybe join the service - full time - not as a reservist.

[mimitabby]

hey, no looking back! you can't undo what you did.

what's the point, you just end up beating yourself up for what you didn't do.

I would have talked more to my grandparents. and not opened any of my toys
so I could resell them on ebay today.

[lauraelmore1033]

good answer Mimi! I like that better than the mountain of woulda, shouda, coudas I've been shifting through this morning.

[indysteel]

hey, no looking back! you can't undo what you did. what's the point, you just end up beating yourself up for what you didn't do.

I'm generally grateful and happy about the course my life has taken--and that includes both my successes and failures. The quote from Buddha on my fridge that I read every morning as I make coffee says it all: The secret to happiness for both mind and body is not to mourn the past, worry about about the future or anticipate troubles but to live in the present wisely and earnestly." That said, I think the lessons learned from our past can inspire us to bring change into our present and future, so there is some benefit to looking back and I believe that you can do so without beating yourself up.

[LBTC]

Ah, Indy - exactly!

Two points:

I pondered this a lot because many health care professionals say that certain personality traits are common with people who have Crohn's disease. I can't help but wonder if certain shifts may have prevented the health issues I'm dealing with right now.

And, since I am dealing with this right now, are any of those things that I might have changed, things I can change right now? Yes. I cried last night.

Sounds odd, but I've used a lot of energy for most of my life in "being happy" - laugh a lot, smile a lot, look at the positive; and I've spent very little of my energy honouring the other emotions I feel. Something can be said for how that might affect my health, right?

Here's an interesting thought: I did not realize that I have a competitive streak until a few years ago when I placed well in a couple of mtb races. It gave me a completely different view of my life, especially the pressures I didn't realize that I was putting on myself. Now, had I known about this crazy competitive me, what would I have done? I don't know if I have the answer to that, but at my age (39), and in my state of health that prevents me from "going hard" at anything, it seems extra hard to find ways to deal with that....

And then there's the part of me that says no way would I change anything. If I had even participated in a sport in school, would I have ever met DH??? I mean, seriously, every single action we take has some kind of repercussion. Some of those repercussions are the best things in my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything!

So, as always, my "opinion" comes in as right on the fence. But I have made a slight shift that I'm pleased with. Cry more.

Hugs and butterflies to each of you. It's not too late to build the you you want to be!

~T~

[Mr. Bloom]

I would have cared more about "people" earlier in life and less about "things" and "impressions". It's interesting now how I'm learning this lesson from our kids.

It's also interesting that once you obtain the things you desire or when you achieve the goals you seek, then...and only then...you see the meaningful things you missed along the way.

As Paul said:
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content in any circumstance. I have experienced times of need and times of abundance. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of contentment, whether I go satisfied or hungry, have plenty or nothing.

"To be content in any circumstance" is a blessing of great value

[pepe6599]

I do have many regrets but nothing that I would of done different. Sure I wish sometimes but my life is the greatest looking at the future then at the past.

[teigyr]

I think it's hard to have regrets because everything shapes us to be who we are now. There are silly little things such as that I didn't wear my headgear when I was young so now I have braces now as an adult, etc., but those are life lessons. Life wasn't always perfect nor is it perfect now but I wouldn't change it because everything led up to now.

I will say I have been very lucky so maybe that's why I'm the way I am. My divorce was peaceful, my parents are still healthy though we've had some scares in the past, and I am very happily remarried. Oddly enough, my husband and I have some "imperfect past" things in common which is pretty cool because our references are the same.

The one lesson I am glad I learned is that to appreciate who is in your life while they are there. I used to think mortality was something that would never affect me. I've learned with friends, pets, and family, to take the time to see them and to look at the positive instead of the negative. This was really driven home when my dad was in ICU. I can fly for free and yet stopped visiting as often. When he was taken to the hospital, we didn't know if he would make it or not. I won't make the mistake again of putting things off because you never know what the future will hold. My parents can be frustrating and difficult at times (can't we all?) but seeing them in that state is better than the alternative.

[Trek420]

While I'm happy with my life and have no regrets but I would hit the rewind button to:

When A.N asked me to go work with her at Bridges said "yes" to the souse chef job and said "no" to the graphics job from he)).

I was about 12 on a cross country road trip with my family. In the Midwest my Dad thought it would be a great thing for me if I could ride in a giant wheat harvester. He stopped the car, strode out into the field and stopped this thing the size of a ginormous house. The driver agreed I could ride. I was too shy.

I'd give anything to go back in time and say "yes".

Took care of the knee when it got crunched in Aikido as soon as it stopped hurting I went back. Rehab, who knew??

Probably should have got outa the last relationship 4-5 years before I did. But then I would not have met Knott I'm sure. Timing is everything in life.