A lesson learned!

[Brandi]

My friend had been telling me how her brother in law had been acting strange for a couple months twords her and her husband. No big really he has always been a bit of an adult baby anyway. He is 43 and thinks the world owe's him. It is really sad and makes it hard to be around him sometimes.

My friend and her husband have a band. And they came out with thier 4th cd last Oct. After thier brother heard a radio interview with my friends husband is when he started acting strange. Well it turns out he was mad cause my friend didn't mention that he's brother had taken the photo of the band inside the cd. Why he thought he's brother should mention him for just taking a photo he didn't even set up is beyond me.

So my friend kept telling me about this email her brother in law sent the day after christmas. crying over all this stuff. Which is fine it is good to get things off your chest. But all the things he was complaining about were all "ME, ME, ME".. And to lay this all on them the day after christmas I thought was tacky. Also he is the type of guy who doesn't want he's younger more talented brother to have friends or a wife. He gets really jelouse of us and blames everything that happens between he and he's brother on my friends wife. It is strange.

I kept wanting to see this email and my friend wanted to share it with me. So finally she forwarded it to me. I read it, had a good laugh and decided to comment on it and the way he was acting. I said things like 'Big baby", "He should really get over himself", "Grow up" you get the picture. Well when i forwarded it to her it didn't go to her it went to her bother in law! AHHHHHHHHHHH!

I didn't realize that had happend! I was so mortified the next day when my friend called and she asked me about it. And of coarse she was just about to go on stage and this dropped in her lap. I felt so bad! Not that i insulted her brother in law, but that she was going to have to deal with him. He kept her on the phone for 5 hours after she was done with her gig that night. I was more worried she was going to hate me for my mistake. But lucky for me she is a good friend and realized it was a an awful big mistake.

So watch what you may say about people cause it can come back and bite you. We are all laughing about it now. But we won't all be getting together with he's brother any time in the near furture.

[Wahine]

Brandi, as much as that situation is unpleasant to deal with, I truly believe that things like this have a purpose. Yes, you've learned something, but I bet the BIL learned more. He may be angry and upset. But what has happened may change the way he sees himself and might help to facilitate a change in his life. Or he might be completely oblivious and continue to be a __________, (insert preferred adjective here).

[stella]

Brandi,

I agree with Wahine.
Plus, the fact that this man (the term I think of "King Baby") kept her on the phone for 5 hours is telling of his personality! assuming, of course, that he was blaming her, giving her a hard time, and being manipulative.

It sounds like they are having a hard time setting limits with this man complicated by the fact that his style of communication is passive-aggressive.

[Brandi]

It is so funny that you say that. Both of you cause that is not the first time someone made that comment. I don't know I think he might be beyond learning a lesson. It is funny too, he is handsom, has a good job, has money. Lives by the beach! But he has the worst time keeping girlfriends. He was married once too, she left him for another women. Is that not a blow to a man's ego? At least some men's ego's. I had that happen to another friend and he is all " wheather man or women it is all the same, she left, period".
Whenever they have problems with him it is always the same, he has to talk and talk and talk till your ears bleed!
We were in he's neck of the woods last week and I mentioned to my dh that there will come a time I am going to run into him. Then what? I did email him telling him I had no intentions of hurting he's feelings. That it was an accident. My husband said it would not matter with him nothing I say will be good enough to take away what I said. He's right too.

[stella]

Brandi,

correct me if I'm wrong--but is it fair to say that this man has a sense of entitlement? quite honestly--don't apologize for telling sharing with a friend your impressions. and, should you run into him and he wants to talk you ear off: simply say: "I apologize that I sent it to you accidently. I do not apologize for what I said--because I believe it to be true." then...walk away.

just my 2 cents.

[lizbids]

Sounds like BIL thrives on attention, so as long as you don't give it to him, you're probably okay. You don't owe him anything other than the apology you sent. Naturally we want to be respectful and not cause trouble, but sometimes it happens, and you have to deal with it. Let this be a lesson when it comes to emailing feelings!

This man sounds like he has a narcissistic personality disorder. Does he have any good qualities? Sometimes we call adults "big babies," when in fact they are either mentally ill or suffering from a personality disorder. If that's the case, there's not much you can do if he refuses treatment. Sounds like he has a hard time recognizing his own weaknesses. I say keep your distance and refuse to engage in a verbal volley should you cross paths with him again.

[Brandi]

Brandi,

correct me if I'm wrong--but is it fair to say that this man has a sense of entitlement? quite honestly--don't apologize for telling sharing with a friend your impressions. and, should you run into him and he wants to talk you ear off: simply say: "I apologize that I sent it to you accidently. I do not apologize for what I said--because I believe it to be true." then...walk away.

just my 2 cents.

I agree fully. I am not sorry for what I said just that he saw it.

[stella]

This man sounds like he has a narcissistic personality disorder. Does he have any good qualities? Sometimes we call adults "big babies," when in fact they are either mentally ill or suffering from a personality disorder. If that's the case, there's not much you can do if he refuses treatment. Sounds like he has a hard time recognizing his own weaknesses. I say keep your distance and refuse to engage in a verbal volley should you cross paths with him again.

my thoughts exactly! my clinical gut thought "Axis II, npd."

Brandi--sounds like you've got a good, balanced attitude about this.

[Brandi]

my thoughts exactly! my clinical gut thought "Axis II, npd."

Brandi--sounds like you've got a good, balanced attitude about this.

Thank you! I just know there is a great man in there. But from what i have seen and how other member's of he's family are I don't think he is going to change.
We hired him once a long time ago to sculpt with us on a sand sculpture project. He called 3 days before it and backed out. He called CRYING. It was so strange. We lost a airline ticket because of him and short a person on our project too. But we forgave him. But we knew hw was not right after that.

[mimitabby]

he kept her on the phone for 5 hours?!?! there's no one on earth that could keep me on the phone for 5 hours..!!!!!!!

what a piece of work this guy must be.


I have gotten myself into trouble twice now for forwarding emails to the wrong people. We all do it, I guess.

[Python]

Sounds to me like he's very insecure and lacks confidence in himself.