Dear So and So

[IFjane]

The ladies and man of team estrogen must hunt down this scum, this low life, this....this.....stealer of warmth and retrieve our Spring.....our merry warm weather.....and punish him to....to....riding a bike without a seat, to riding in the way of our snot rockets and spit, to ride all of our rides with us and keep his mouth shut, to stay at OUR pace, to do OUR routes........

*Silver mounts her carbon steed and flings her flowing velvet cape around her shoulders and pulling her silver hood (helmet) over her head and heads out eastward on her mission*

I'm with you, Silver! We will hunt him down and taunt him until he retreats.....his father was a hamster and his mother smelled of elderberries....oh wait...that's another taunt....his father was a mud puddle and his mother was....help me here!

We have a 50% chance of SNOW tomorrow night - it's APRIL for cryin' out loud!!!! ENOUGH!!!

[Kitsune06]

Dear weather god
I wave my biking shorts at your aunties!
Now go away before I taunt you for a second time!


....
*squeak, squeak, squeak...*
FRENCH GUARDS: [whispering]
C'est un vélo, vélo de bois. Quoi? Un cadeau. What? A present. Oh, un cadeau. Oui, oui. Hurry. What? Let's go. Oh. On y va. Bon magne. Over here...
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak...]
[clllank]
ARTHUR:
What happens now?
BEDEVERE:
Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, uh, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the bike, taking the French, uh, by surprise. Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
ARTHUR:
Who leaps out?
BEDEVERE:
U-- u-- uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, uh, leap out of the bike, uh, and uh...
ARTHUR:
Ohh.
BEDEVERE:
Oh. Um, l-- look, i-- i-- if we built this large wooden badger--

[Fredwina]

Dear people who print the Voler catalog,
You must knwo I like thier stuff, but did you have to send me 5 copies of the catalog? I looked, all same name and address. You have heard merging dupilcates, have you not? For a slight additional fee, I can even show how to do this...

[deena]

Dear weatherman -

Six inches of snow? Are you kidding me? I took off the whole week for Easter vacation, and the only riding I'm doing is on the trainer!!!! Get it together up there.

Tired of Winter in Wisconsin

[chickwhorips]

dear former SO,

please stop being mean. i have not said a mean word to you. last night the message with "i hope your feet heal crooked so you cant run, even though your pathetic and never could run" line really hurt. who says that? i may not be as fast of a runner as you who has ran all of your life, but i go out and do it and enjoy it! you were the one that taught me that i could run. i guess when i said you made me a better person by getting me into running and cycling, you actually listened. i just don't get why you are being so mean.

i now feel like i'm a better person for not having you in my life for saying such mean things to me. i just don't get it..... or you.

your former SO

[silver]

Dear weather god

Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, uh, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the bike, taking the French, uh, by surprise. Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
ARTHUR:
Who leaps out?
BEDEVERE:
U-- u-- uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, uh, leap out of the bike, uh, and uh...
ARTHUR:
Ohh.
BEDEVERE:
Oh. Um, l-- look, i-- i-- if we built this large wooden badger--

I love it!!!!

'Summer changed back into Winter...'

NARRATOR:
And so, Silver and IFJane and Kitsune06 set out on their search to find the weather man of whom silver had spoken in post twenty-four. Beyond the forest, they met Lisa S. H. and Mr. silver, and there was much rejoicing.

KNIGHTS:
Yay! Yay!
[woosh]
NARRATOR:
In the frozen land of Nador, they were forced to eat Kitsusne06's minstrels.
MINSTREL: [high-pitched]
Get back! Eee!
NARRATOR:
And there was much rejoicing.
KNIGHTS:
Yay!
NARRATOR:
A year passed.
CARTOON CHARACTER:
[shivering]
NARRATOR:
Winter changed into Spring.
CARTOON CHARACTER:
Mmm, nice.
NARRATOR:
Spring changed into Summer.
CARTOON CHARACTER:
Oh. Ahh.
NARRATOR:
Summer changed back into Winter,...
CARTOON CHARACTER:
Oh?
NARRATOR:
...and Winter gave Spring and Summer a miss and went straight on into Autumn.
CARTOON CHARACTER:
Aah.
[snap]
Oh! Waa!
NARRATOR:
Until one day...

[Kitsune06]

.... (out of order, because I'm a bleedin' sod who can't keep things straight... )

Snapdragen:
And Saint Armstrong raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.'
And Lance did grin, and the people did feast upon the Clifbloks and sportbeans and lunabars and gatorade and protein and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
Chickwhorips:
Skip a bit, Sister.
Snapdragen:
And Lance spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Velo towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'
Xrayted:
Amen.
Everyone:
Amen.
Kitsune06:
Right!
One!... Two!... Five!
Xrayted:
Three, hon!
Kitsune06:
Three!
[angels sing]
[boom]

[Xrayted]

Thank you for the laughs, dear.

[mary9761]

NI!!!!

[teigyr]

There are some who call me ... TIM!

I was looking at cell phone ring tones and actually saw one for the Brave Sir Robin song.

Every time we see a rabbit, no matter where we are (and who's around) we start the "where death awaits with sharp pointy little teeth..." complete with hand gestures.

Ok, my work day just got better

[pooks]

Many of you graciously sent Christmas/Holiday cards to a unti in Iraq when I requested them last fall.

I just wanted to stomp my feet and curse a bit and ask for prayers and good wishes -- they have just been notified that their tours have been extended three more months (along with most everyone else over there, according to the news).

May all our soldiers come home safe.

Hmm, I put this in an ongoing thread instead of starting a new one.

Okay, I'll just amend it.

Dear ______________ in Chief.

Please. Let them come home now?

Thank you.

Pooks

(You may fill in the blank silently as you wish. In order not to offend, I decided to leave it blank, because believe me, the word I'd put there would offend.)

[trickytiger]

Dear Fate-

Thanks for providing me with the girly version of cajones, or at least letting me borrow them for a bit. I don't miss working on construction sites, open-pit mines, or highways. At all. My hair is looking much better these days now that I don't wear a hard hat. Alas, I don't sleep nearly as much anymore, but I'm sure my lab partners appreciate my hard-earned understanding of organic molecules and stoichiometry. Also, the demise of my 50-mile-round-trip commute is doing wonders for my personality, and is convieniently timed to avoid the annual mass mark-up of gasoline. I also thank you (actually the credit goes to Knotted ) for a new opportunity to do some volunteer work in my new potential field. For once, I'm not so freaked out about my future. What comes will come.

However, now I must move on to some points of contention. Will you mind knocking some sense into my dear friend? After knowing each other half our lives, he's decided to throw a temper tantrum because I do not want to date him. Never mind that I've had the same boyfriend for the past two-plus years, never mind that we've had this conversation before- it's been over three months since dear friend will answer email or pick up the phone, and I'm pissed. I feel rather blindsided by the sudden declaration of apparent everlasting love, and even more so by the just-as-sudden declaration of apparent everlasting hate. I feel this is indicative of exactly why I do not want to date said friend, as I really don't go for this kind of behavior. Can you at least inform my friend that he should at least talk to me in person about this so we can resolve something? (perhaps you could lend him some of those cajones).

Thanks. Much appreciated. Now, where's spring? You teased us with 70 degrees last week- let's do it again!

[mimitabby]

Dear Weather Magicians
cute trick I don' t know how sunny, partly sunny, and slightly cloudy can turn into THIS nasty stuff. Now I have to ride in it. Could you just keep the faucets turned off until nightfall? Thank you.
PS you're doing a great job of convincing the flat earth contingent that global warming is a wacky left wing notion!
sincerely
have rain coat and rain pants just in case anyway


ps chickwhorips you SOOOO do not deserve that AH! every time he spews is more
proof that you need to stay far far far away from him.

[Xrayted]

CWR - thank god you are away from that idiot and on your own finally. He's just p*ssed off because you are making it without him just fine and are happier now. Sour grapes. We all know you are a wonderful person and deserve every happiness coming to you these days. Ignore XPITA and keep smiling little sister.

Love ya lots.

~mick