How do you explain one of them...

[HappyAnika]

I feel compelled to discourage defining absolutes...for example: "I will never work past 5PM".

Hmm, I don't know if this was aimed at me or not, but I'll clarify anyway. I don't necessarily work in time absolutes. The only absolute for me is that work is not the most important thing in my life. This week I'm working 10 - 12 hour days in preparation for a conference next week, so I'm staying past 5, but that's my decision (or I leave at my usual 4:30 and then work from home). To balance that, I will likely take next Friday off because my work load will allow me to at that point. I just don't like it when other people expect me to stay past 5 even though I get in early every day. If I have advance notice, I can plan around it. Or if its really important I may be able to adjust my personal schedule. Most people I work with would think it unreasonable if I called a meeting at 7:30 am, I think its unreasonable to run meetings past 5 pm.

For me its all about priorities, I stop and ask myself, what's more important here? Work or non-work? Usually the answer is non-work.

"Nobody on their death bed ever said 'I wish I'd spent more time at the office.'"

[Mr. Bloom]

Hmm, I don't know if this was aimed at me or not,

It wasn't. I'm sorry if that upset you.

[run it, ride it]

Ladies, those of you trapped doing more work than humanly feasible, I am so sorry that has to happen. We are all driven athletes because we are driven elsewhere in our lives, and there is a marked difference between GIVING lots of energy into something, and having it taken from you. Once the taking starts, the quality of work will decline, your mental state will decline--is that worth ANY job?

However, in consolation, know that this thread has been very reaffirming to a young person like myself who will be finished her undergrad in 1.5 more essays (naturally, due later today) and 2 exams (naturally, an hour apart), and who is panicking just a little 'cause she needs an average high enough for the grad school she wants into, and who just turned down a career in financial management that would have been more hours of the day and more chips off her soul than she was willing to sacrifice, even if she WAS the only one to get an interview out of 134 applicants.

I used to be such an overachiever, not to mention varsity athlete with an over-achieving coach, but it burned me to an injured, soulless crisp. Cycling helped me refocus and heal, allowed me to push my limits but still gave me the option to coast at the back of the peloton if I needed the break, and I'm not ashamed to need a break anymore. The horse helped me reprioritize--while I tend to ignore my own injuries, I take careful care of his.

I'll tell you what, I SLEPT last night despite those essays due before 5pm. I'm not stressing like I used to. If I don't get into my first program of choice, hey, I probably would have sacrificed my soul meeting its demands anyway--and there are plenty other interesting programs that will take me. If for some reason I pull it off, I'll know I pulled it off legitimately while maintaining the rest of my life.

Ladies, GET OUT while you still can! Who wants to be the bitter old cat-lady? Plenty of people will respect you for balancing your life, and they are the ones who really matter.

[RoadRaven]

"Nobody on their death bed ever said 'I wish I'd spent more time at the office.'"

Exactly.
This is something my partner said to me once when I was moaning and complaining about work, and what one of my colleagues does and expects of others (ie, she goes in at weekends and stays late a few nights a week)

I am prepared for the next time she says something to me that in ten years I won't regret (or even remember) the meeting/whatever I am missing, but I will regret and remember not saying goodnight to my sons because I get home too late to kiss them good night.