Dear force in the universe that plays a role in determining my health,

OK, I get it. I need to take care of myself. I need to not smoke, eat right, exercise and think about the level of stress I'm subjected to at work. I need to cut myself a break emotionally and not beat myself up about things that go wrong in my life. I GET IT, OK??? Now can you make my knee (and this sudden weird thing with my foot that's freaking me out) better? I am going to Italy in 7 weeks with my oldest friend, and after 10 years with no substantial vacation, all I want is to stroll around Florence and ride a bike down some Tuscan roads without pain. Is that too much to ask? You have more than amply proven your sense of the absurd by letting me be extremely healthy last year while ex-bf was sick and depressed and I was driving him around and feeding him and wiping his emotional butt so he could get well enough to dump me for his ex-gf, and then a week after he dumped me you put that freaking water on the floor for me to slip on and smash my knee. And then I had the fun of spending the holiday season popping pain pills and sitting in the dark in my house because every light bulb blew out in a one day span, and I couldn't stand up long enough to change them. And then there was the funny thing with you killing my refrigerator 2 days before Xmas so I had no ice for my knee until I got a new one (fridge, not knee) after Xmas (the footwork on the last two items may have been accomplished by one of your associates, but I know you had a hand in it!). Ha ha ha! Very amusing.

I am bowing down to you in all your magnificence, ok? Now please just take the pain away until 6/5, so I can train, go, and have fun?

With great respect,
Amy