DH ticked me off!!

[solveig]

Hi Jenn -
I ride with my DP a lot, too, and it's taken me a long time to come to terms with his fastness in comparison to me. After a good many rides feeling frustrated and down on myself, I figured out that my training rides - even with him - need to be focused on my training. Likewise for his rides. And mostly I had to / have to figure out that as a 3rd year rider who didn't start from a very athletic background, I'm just not going to keep up with someone who has been riding and racing for 15 years.

Here are a couple of things we do to help both of us get a good workout on the same ride:
1. He leads at a "tempo" or "cruise" pace. I have all I can do to hang on his wheel - when I do, I get the benefit of the draft; if I don't, I can hang back at my own pace until he finishes his interval.

2. I take off on an interval of some sort, and he gives me a head start. Then he chases me down and passes me.

3. We do hill intervals on the same hill, but he starts working hard before I do - so our intervals are the same length of time, but he covers more ground.

Basically, I'd rather have him leave me for periods of time and ensure that he's getting a good workout, too, than hold back for me and not build his own fitness.

That said, he also doesn't tease me about my training "not paying off." Because it IS paying off; I'm just less experienced at this. And if he did say something like that, I'd probably feed him his handlebar tape.

Best of luck-
Solveig

[mimitabby]

And if he did say something like that, I'd probably feed him his handlebar tape.

Best of luck-
Solveig

[roguedog]

+100

this gave me a good laugh!

seriously, i agree with mimi. it is really hard going up a hill at a diff pace than you're used to. yesterday on the cindy i had some friends who rode at a diff pace than i did. i tried,.. tried to keep with them but i kept feel out of sorts.. and kinda out of rhythm.. and man, when i hit the hills, i just had to do it at my pace or i'd end up walking the hill.

i can't account for the 'tude but the pace thing i can.

[silver]

mr. and I are still working out the kinks of riding together. we've parted ways on rides. when he frustrates me with pace, I tell him, go ahead, I'll meet you later. I feel like he pushes himself to the point of possible injury. And I will not do that to myself to keep up with him. sometimes, I could easily match his pace but know that I will compromise my knees or my ability to finish the number of miles that I want to do, or my ability to do a run that I have planned later that day. Other times, I can't meet his pace.

sometimes, I see him speed up as I catch up and that makes me angry. Other times, I feel that he acts recklessly regarding intersections and drivers.

My bottom line is that I will not ride in a manner that I don't feel comfortable with in order to ride with him. I think that he's gotten that now. At least we are working on it!

[Batbike]

I don't think it was the RIDE that was the problem ... sounds as if you rode REALLY REALLY well ... but the DH ATTITUDE was the problem -- snide comments do no one any good! Of course you know him better than anybody, so if there is some way to get him to understand that his fitness level is different than your fitness level, or maybe fitness is equal but his body type gives him advantages (men are built differently ), and that you would appreciate less sarcasism and more positive reinforcement, than it may all work out and you guys can ride together.

I ride with my DH, who is slower than me, and it gets on his nerves. He is ALWAYS making comments about how "I must feel" riding with him, when in fact, it does not bother me (I look at his comments as a "backwards compliment"). I ride with many people, most are men and stronger and better than me, and they treat me with respect and so I try to do what/how they do to me to my DH. For my DH, it is more his problem than mine ... I will climb a hill and come back down or wait on top (depending on my fitness); I will spin on flats and sometimes stay back, letting him get ahead of me, and then chase him down (giving me a sprint workout); and on downhills he will ALWAYS out ride me because he is 100 pounds heavier and not as cautious as wimpy me. I tell him how good he is doing and he tells me how "unfit" he is ... I say nothing because it is true, but only he can change that. We then talk positive about ride and move on. All good, because we know what to expect and work to respect each other ... it is how others treat me on the bike and I like it, so I work hard to do the same with my DH.

[Grog]

I've held on to this for almost 20 years now so I'll share it with you!!

When I was 12 years old, I liked riding my bike around the small town where we lived. It was quite a rural area and I'd often go on my own for this ride that I now know to be about 7.5 km or 5 miles. (Sometimes it would be 6 miles because I'd detour in front of the house of some guy I had a big crush on. ) Sometimes my mom would join me. Now be aware that my mom has always worked physically and walked A LOT and FAST, so she was reasonably fit, but she underestimates herself in all things and fitness is one of those. So on those bike rides, she'd be much stronger than me and could leave me in the dust, then say things like "Didn't you spend the whole summer riding your bike? Aren't you supposed to be fit?" or "How come am fitter than you young thing?", stuff not unlike what your DH said to you on that ride. She didn't mean it badly I think, she was mostly teasing and above all, in a weird way, expressing how happy she was not to be the one left behind. It always made me feel quite bad and it added to my clear sense that I was not made to be an athlete. It took me 15 years, and another new bike, to discover my inner-athlete and learn to love sports.

So the bottom line is that maybe your DH has felt bad about himself all winter, especially when you were going spinning and he was not. Sometimes when one partner discovers a new passion, the other might feel funny about it. Maybe he thought you would smoke him on the bike, and his teasing was his way of expressing his relief at not being so unfit after all.

I don't know how clear this (long) story is, but in any case it doesn't make his behaviour acceptable, and it could be useful to tell him you felt hurt, but also to be aware that he might have felt hurt too, for reasons that are outside of your control, and that this was his not-so-funny way to cope. (I also like the idea of feeding him his handlebar tape, but that should be last recourse!!! )

All things being equal, most men are much stronger than women on the bike, which seems to be the perfect machine to demultiply their strength. It's possible to find ways to ride together - compromise is the name of the game - but it's not always the best thing to do for the two partner's mental sanity.

[Surlygirl]

My DH hammers with the boys for his fast rides. When we ride together he is really good about staying with me. He uses me as his recovery ride partner. When he rides with the boys they avg in the 20's. Me, I putter along at 12-14 tops. It takes awhile to learn each others hot buttons on rides. We also plan out rides on our GPS so there are no BIG surprises on the ride. We also go out on solo rides. You just have to find what works for you. If he wants to scream have him ride with some guys, it might be a humbling experience.

[lizbids]

Some guys (and girls) love to tease and make others annoyed b/c they LIKE to get under people's skin. Maybe it's a control thing? How about the next time he's feeling amorous you find a reason to complain you're "too tired" from all those hills