Keeping up with boyfriend

[LBTC]

This is an echo of what so many others have said. If you can agree to ride together once in awhile - a light day for him and a harder day for you, you should be able to enjoy some riding time together.

DH and I started riding at the same time years ago, and there have been times that we are the only riding partners we each have. We primarily MTB, but do some road also. He is naturally faster than I am. There was one season that I managed to get very fast and he was recovering from an injury. That was cool for me!

What works best for us? I do still look at biking as "training", even if there isn't a race coming up, so I do some really hard ride days and some really light ride days. DH kind of does the same. I typically try to line up my hard rides with his easy rides. We also try to do rides once in awhile that are purely social. Lots of times he goes off ahead and waits at a designated point; sometimes he'll "vulture" by riding back to circle around me; sometimes he rides behind me to keep me encouraged to keep a good pace. On some rides he's pleasantly surprised that I'm right behind him, and others he worries that something has happened. We both try to be the generous rider with each other and newbies. It's important to have someone who knows sweep, and we have both taken turns doing this. If I'm riding with someone new, I will sometimes get to a section I really really like - a section where I know there are likely no scary dangerous obstacles, or points where a newbie can get lost, and I'll just let them know I love this and I'm going to crank it. I'll have a blast and then wait for them up ahead. DH does that with me, too.

All in all, I think the message is that when you have different goals and different levels of speed and skill, that you just can't ride with each other *every* ride; but that you can probably find great ways to ride with each other some of the time.

Listen to what you and your body want; talk with him about what he wants; and find the scenario that works best for you both.

Happy riding!

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[midlife]

Ah, you poor thing! Don't break anything else - it's not worth it!!

What I do (and I'm about your age) is ride with a female - she's 10 years younger and we seem pretty compatable ability wise (boosts my ego when I can be faster than her too!) Sometimes we ride with guys from our tri club (the older ones!!) and talk about the pace up front so everyone is happy.

My husband either rides with his mates and then does some rides with me and is happy to ride at our pace. Where we ride is a cycling mecca so he often tears off after packs and chases them down (gets his cycling kicks doing that ) and then either waits, or rides further and picks us up on his way back after we have turned around.

If you have a super competitive guy, I guess you have a problem but my man reckons he's happy to ride with us and perve at my bum After 28 years of marriage, am I gunna complain about that?!!

It's a bit of give and take - if he can't discipline himself to ride at your pace sometimes, then get yourself a gal to ride with. After all, isn't it about togetherness and encouragement?

We also mountain bike and we start our ride together but follow different routes and see who can get home the quickest. My head got a bit big recently when he said 'gee I didn't expect you back for a while, you were fast' I do a fair bit of gym work lately and I find that has strengthened me and my 'climbing' ability-not that I ever had much anyway

[makbike]

BF and I have an agreement, we each ride our own rides when we ride with the club. He is much faster than I am so I typically only see the back of his jersey before he becomes a dot ahead until finally he is nowhere to be seen. He likes to go fast and I do not want nor need to be an anchor and slow him down. That saide, when we ride together he stays with me and rides at my pace. Would I love to ride with him more, certainly, but I also want him to have fun and enjoy his time on his bike so I ride my ride and he rides his and we meet up at the end to enjoy some time together. If I try to keep up with him I simply become frustrated and it spoils my ride. Everyone has to find their comfort zone and their time on their bikes.

[farrellcollie]

Two of my friends have this difficulty - one is a much stronger biker than the other. When they ride together - the stronger one rides her mountian bike in a harder gear ( i never can remember if it is lower or higher - just harder or less hard) while the other rides her road bike - it sort of evens them out and stronger rider feels like she got a good workout.

[EBD]

Ride in front! My BF is faster than me (without EVER training, argh), although not a ton faster - he would probably average 17-18 mph, I average more like 15. I almost always ride in front, because we've found I go a lot faster that way. It must be psychological - when I'm following, I guess I get lazy, or perhaps resentful, and tend to drop back. When I'm in front I push a lot harder. I guess the sight of open road is more inspiring to me than the sight of BF's back end.

If he just can't contain himself enough to ride a little slower, well . . . perhaps it's time to let go of the dream of riding together. You can still tinker and shop for gear together!

[oxysback]

I'm in a similar situation. The way we work it out is that on our regular route, I drive out and start where there's less traffic, and dh rides from home. He gets a good workout trying to play 'catch-up' and I'm motivated to be just a bit farther down the road when he does catch me. We usually ride the last 10 miles together. Heck, I can't even draft off him because he rides a recumbent trike!!

[Triskeliongirl]

I am 49 and my husband is a stronger rider. He is strong enough to ride with the fastest men in our club. So this is how we do it. For club rides, we start and end together, but ride with our respective peer groups. Our club rides usually offer a few distances so everyone can start and finish together, so I usually ride one distance shorter than him. If we ride the same distance, he'll pick up lunch or something while waiting for me to get in. We tour together, by having him ride the heavier bike and carry all the luggage. That actually works really well. The hard thing is when we are together on vacation on our racing bikes. I'll draft off him as long as I can stand it, but usually it is unpleasant. I'll be working my butt off, and he'll be shouting at me why can't I go faster, all I have to do it hold his wheel, that sort of thing, so when that happens I send him off at his own pace. A tandem doesn't interest me, I wouldn't want to give up control.

[LadyinWhite]

I'm in the opposite situation. My DH loves doing whatever I do so when I took up tennis, after I stuck with it a few years, he took up tennis. I'm a stronger tennis player but we have fun and the discrepancy between us isn't that great. When I took up road cycling, HE decided he would as well so he could spend time with me. I'm a MUCH stronger rider than he is b/c my work schedule leaves me a LOT more time to ride than his. In the summer, I'll ride every day, he's lucky if he can steal away 1x a week.

Consequently, I had to learn (and accept) early on that when we ride together, in the interest of marital bliss, we are just out for a ride. Toodling along and maybe we'll get 20miles in. He likes to stop and get cider and a donut etc.

I won't deny that there were moments initially when I cringed or clenched my teeth on a sat morning when I was headed out and he sees me and says "Great idea Hon, I'll go with you" Those days I just breath deep, let it roll of me and say to myself that there is always another day. The thing is, if my schedule was like his and I didn't have "another day." I'd be very frustrated.

Fortunately I do.. and.. if it takes sacrificing a ride to keep our 22yo marriage humming along smoothly, well so be it The way I see it, I'm glad he still wants to spend as much time with me as possible after all these years!
T.

[susita]

Thanks to everyone who responded - some GREAT ideas It makes me feel so much better to know I'm not the only one out there with this problem. I've been so frustrated. My BF is incredibly sweet and loves to ride together - but he just HAS to hammer it seems. He was very upset when I broke my arm, which I have to take ownership, due to poor judgement on my part - because I chose to push beyond what I could do. He rode with me on the trainer, side by side, while I healed. The worst is when we tour. He usually carried 2x the amount of weight but I still fell behind, especially on hills. I going to try having him carry everything next time - that's a great idea, lol! We've been riding more and more our own rides rather than together - guess we'll work it out. We do ride for two very different reasons - I ride to be out and to soak up scenery (and feel some speed) - He rides to push his body hard and to train. We're aware of this difference - just have to keep working on a compromise! I'm definitely going to see about finding another woman my speed to ride with. Haven't been able to talk my sister into it in the past 20 years and my kids are now too fast & crazy on the mtb - but if I keep riding with the clubs, I'm sure I'll turn up someone to ride with at my pace. Thanks again!