Keeping up with boyfriend

[Triskeliongirl]

I am 49 and my husband is a stronger rider. He is strong enough to ride with the fastest men in our club. So this is how we do it. For club rides, we start and end together, but ride with our respective peer groups. Our club rides usually offer a few distances so everyone can start and finish together, so I usually ride one distance shorter than him. If we ride the same distance, he'll pick up lunch or something while waiting for me to get in. We tour together, by having him ride the heavier bike and carry all the luggage. That actually works really well. The hard thing is when we are together on vacation on our racing bikes. I'll draft off him as long as I can stand it, but usually it is unpleasant. I'll be working my butt off, and he'll be shouting at me why can't I go faster, all I have to do it hold his wheel, that sort of thing, so when that happens I send him off at his own pace. A tandem doesn't interest me, I wouldn't want to give up control.

[LadyinWhite]

I'm in the opposite situation. My DH loves doing whatever I do so when I took up tennis, after I stuck with it a few years, he took up tennis. I'm a stronger tennis player but we have fun and the discrepancy between us isn't that great. When I took up road cycling, HE decided he would as well so he could spend time with me. I'm a MUCH stronger rider than he is b/c my work schedule leaves me a LOT more time to ride than his. In the summer, I'll ride every day, he's lucky if he can steal away 1x a week.

Consequently, I had to learn (and accept) early on that when we ride together, in the interest of marital bliss, we are just out for a ride. Toodling along and maybe we'll get 20miles in. He likes to stop and get cider and a donut etc.

I won't deny that there were moments initially when I cringed or clenched my teeth on a sat morning when I was headed out and he sees me and says "Great idea Hon, I'll go with you" Those days I just breath deep, let it roll of me and say to myself that there is always another day. The thing is, if my schedule was like his and I didn't have "another day." I'd be very frustrated.

Fortunately I do.. and.. if it takes sacrificing a ride to keep our 22yo marriage humming along smoothly, well so be it The way I see it, I'm glad he still wants to spend as much time with me as possible after all these years!
T.

[susita]

Thanks to everyone who responded - some GREAT ideas It makes me feel so much better to know I'm not the only one out there with this problem. I've been so frustrated. My BF is incredibly sweet and loves to ride together - but he just HAS to hammer it seems. He was very upset when I broke my arm, which I have to take ownership, due to poor judgement on my part - because I chose to push beyond what I could do. He rode with me on the trainer, side by side, while I healed. The worst is when we tour. He usually carried 2x the amount of weight but I still fell behind, especially on hills. I going to try having him carry everything next time - that's a great idea, lol! We've been riding more and more our own rides rather than together - guess we'll work it out. We do ride for two very different reasons - I ride to be out and to soak up scenery (and feel some speed) - He rides to push his body hard and to train. We're aware of this difference - just have to keep working on a compromise! I'm definitely going to see about finding another woman my speed to ride with. Haven't been able to talk my sister into it in the past 20 years and my kids are now too fast & crazy on the mtb - but if I keep riding with the clubs, I'm sure I'll turn up someone to ride with at my pace. Thanks again!