Keeping up with boyfriend

[annie]

My DH and I are pretty much opposite of what I've read here. I am the faster rider. He is the slower when he even deigns to ride. I've been riding for a long time now. He only got into riding because I do. He rides only when he is training for something specific, and even then, it is at a leisurely (for me) pace. I made it clear from the start that I would rarely ride with him, at his speed. I'm sorry, but it is too difficult for both of us. I am miserable going that slow. He is breathless and still can't keep up with me. So what is the point? Neither of us will enjoy the ride. On the rare occasions we are on the same ride, we set meeting points or see each other at the finish. It works, tho' it may not work for everyone. I've heard so many suggestions about trying a tandem but I'd have to captain and I don't feel capable of handling his weight and mine. We've learned to make this work. I honestly think sometimes, for two different riders, it is the only solution. Hope you figure out what works best for you.

Annie

[Grog]

My partner - who until very recently was a competitive racer - and me - a cyclist with only a couple of years on the road, good general shape, but nowhere near his strength on the bike - ride together occasionally in the shoulder season, and it gets really complicated and unpleasant.

When I'm in top shape, in the summer, however, we can ride together. On the flats, I can hold on to his wheel for my dear life at nearly 40 km/h for a little while and I really find it a lot of fun. But it's not for every day. As soon as we hit the hills, I'm toast: I can't get up there as fast as he does. However, on rollers, I have a chance because I'm crazy about going fast on downhills, and I can muster enough momentum to get ahead of him... for a little while at least.

Most of the time though we just can't really ride together, but we still get out of the door together for day-long rides. If we're on a scenic ride, he carries the camera and has a 'picture quota' (he's mandated to take, say, 10 pics an hour). That slows him down a little bit. He'll wait for me at the top of the next hill (with the camera ready to shoot... so I better smile). Or he'll turn on side roads if they have a steep hill, go there for a while, and come back behind me (I know it's him because of the way he breathes...).

It took him a while to understand that when I said he should feel free to ride around me in circles, I really meant it. I still have to repeat it once in a while. Sometimes if I'm having a bad day, fitness wise, or a bad headwind, we can get in a nasty fight, especially if he's in the mood to hammer because he doesn't get a lot of time to ride. Now we've learned to recognize those days, and we're careful not to ride together then. Or we'll agree ahead of time that at X place he'll wait for me so I can catch his wheel (long flat stretch with headwind), and the rest of the time he can do whatever he pleases.

I don't think we're ready for the tandem. Too much communication is required. And I love the freedom of my own bike...

I hope this provide if not help at least some inspiration... You're not alone out there. But please don't break any more bones!!!!

[Pedal Wench]

I just had an idea. I realized that I like to ride forever. But, I'm not fast. What if you set out for a longer, slower ride. He will most likely have to slow down if he's gonna ride longer, and then you can keep up. It's worth a shot. Instead of going faster, go longer!

[LBTC]

This is an echo of what so many others have said. If you can agree to ride together once in awhile - a light day for him and a harder day for you, you should be able to enjoy some riding time together.

DH and I started riding at the same time years ago, and there have been times that we are the only riding partners we each have. We primarily MTB, but do some road also. He is naturally faster than I am. There was one season that I managed to get very fast and he was recovering from an injury. That was cool for me!

What works best for us? I do still look at biking as "training", even if there isn't a race coming up, so I do some really hard ride days and some really light ride days. DH kind of does the same. I typically try to line up my hard rides with his easy rides. We also try to do rides once in awhile that are purely social. Lots of times he goes off ahead and waits at a designated point; sometimes he'll "vulture" by riding back to circle around me; sometimes he rides behind me to keep me encouraged to keep a good pace. On some rides he's pleasantly surprised that I'm right behind him, and others he worries that something has happened. We both try to be the generous rider with each other and newbies. It's important to have someone who knows sweep, and we have both taken turns doing this. If I'm riding with someone new, I will sometimes get to a section I really really like - a section where I know there are likely no scary dangerous obstacles, or points where a newbie can get lost, and I'll just let them know I love this and I'm going to crank it. I'll have a blast and then wait for them up ahead. DH does that with me, too.

All in all, I think the message is that when you have different goals and different levels of speed and skill, that you just can't ride with each other *every* ride; but that you can probably find great ways to ride with each other some of the time.

Listen to what you and your body want; talk with him about what he wants; and find the scenario that works best for you both.

Happy riding!

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[midlife]

Ah, you poor thing! Don't break anything else - it's not worth it!!

What I do (and I'm about your age) is ride with a female - she's 10 years younger and we seem pretty compatable ability wise (boosts my ego when I can be faster than her too!) Sometimes we ride with guys from our tri club (the older ones!!) and talk about the pace up front so everyone is happy.

My husband either rides with his mates and then does some rides with me and is happy to ride at our pace. Where we ride is a cycling mecca so he often tears off after packs and chases them down (gets his cycling kicks doing that ) and then either waits, or rides further and picks us up on his way back after we have turned around.

If you have a super competitive guy, I guess you have a problem but my man reckons he's happy to ride with us and perve at my bum After 28 years of marriage, am I gunna complain about that?!!

It's a bit of give and take - if he can't discipline himself to ride at your pace sometimes, then get yourself a gal to ride with. After all, isn't it about togetherness and encouragement?

We also mountain bike and we start our ride together but follow different routes and see who can get home the quickest. My head got a bit big recently when he said 'gee I didn't expect you back for a while, you were fast' I do a fair bit of gym work lately and I find that has strengthened me and my 'climbing' ability-not that I ever had much anyway

[makbike]

BF and I have an agreement, we each ride our own rides when we ride with the club. He is much faster than I am so I typically only see the back of his jersey before he becomes a dot ahead until finally he is nowhere to be seen. He likes to go fast and I do not want nor need to be an anchor and slow him down. That saide, when we ride together he stays with me and rides at my pace. Would I love to ride with him more, certainly, but I also want him to have fun and enjoy his time on his bike so I ride my ride and he rides his and we meet up at the end to enjoy some time together. If I try to keep up with him I simply become frustrated and it spoils my ride. Everyone has to find their comfort zone and their time on their bikes.

[farrellcollie]

Two of my friends have this difficulty - one is a much stronger biker than the other. When they ride together - the stronger one rides her mountian bike in a harder gear ( i never can remember if it is lower or higher - just harder or less hard) while the other rides her road bike - it sort of evens them out and stronger rider feels like she got a good workout.

[EBD]

Ride in front! My BF is faster than me (without EVER training, argh), although not a ton faster - he would probably average 17-18 mph, I average more like 15. I almost always ride in front, because we've found I go a lot faster that way. It must be psychological - when I'm following, I guess I get lazy, or perhaps resentful, and tend to drop back. When I'm in front I push a lot harder. I guess the sight of open road is more inspiring to me than the sight of BF's back end.

If he just can't contain himself enough to ride a little slower, well . . . perhaps it's time to let go of the dream of riding together. You can still tinker and shop for gear together!