Dear So and So

[Pax]

Dear White Men,

You already rule the world, please stop being such whiny winners. Every woman who does not find you witty, interesting, worthy of her time, or who does NOT want to sleep with you is not a (fill in the blank with your usual vile hate filled words). In short, get the hell over yourselves and stop acting like whiny little boys.

Sincerely,

Another woman who is tired of you.

[missymaya]

Dear Gray Matter in my skull,
Please get through this paper. All you need is 300 hundred more words on this subject and some clarification. Just get through, you'll do well. Please don't break on me! How would I get to class tonight w/o my lovely gray matter!
Please keep working 'til 8:50 pm this evening.

[Kitsune06]

Dear corporate execs, hallmark shareholders, purveyors of things cute, pink, and fuzzy:

I first want to extend to you my congratulations. Every V-day you manage to flood stores with the spoor of commercialized affection. You make it easy for someone to go buy a small gift, a token or trinket to attempt to make up for disingenuine living. You tell people that unless they receive such tokens, their partner doesn't *really* love them. You do incredible damage to the subtle natures and delicate sensibilities of those who choose to let every day be equal in amorousness... and you do damm good business as well.

But to the pith of my letter:
I regret to inform you, I will not be contributing to your business ventures. Even as I look out my window at the party supply shop, watching a woman carry a massive bouquet of balloons and jam them into her minivan, I sigh and shake my head.
There are those who protest this 'holiday' completely and refuse to acknowledge its passing...
but I feel I do it much better service by taking it at face value... with intention and not the almighty dollar in heart and mind.
Love is love, and though I rather prefer Beltaine as a celebration of Love, I'll take any other excuse I can as well. Every day should have notes of it but what an opportunity we have, twice in a year, to celebrate the tremulous joy of sharing our soul with another- the bliss of the shared experience?
And for those alone today, or unhappily committed- today is a day to celebrate love as a concept- it exists for us all, deep within us in a way no one else can touch, but is ours to give as we wish.
In closing, men in shirt and jacket with silken noose about your neck,
Good luck with everyone else.
Best regards,
Aryn
PS. If you start commercializing Beltaine, I don't know if I'd be upset or amused... but you *have* to tell people what that maypole represents, first!

[mary9761]

Kitsune ROFLMAO!!! Indeed!

[margo49]

Dear Modesty Squads in Saudi,

This week's campaign to arrest people selling decadent infidel Valentine's Day stuff or even red articles in general and to hang out undercover and arrest people for wearing red or carrying red flowers or balloons is not quite what we had in mind either.

[KnottedYet]

Dear chaotic cosmic forces,

Thanks for the chemistry!

Knot

[Aint Doody]

Dear Nincompoops who park in our business parking lot,

Please read the big sign that says the parking lot is for our customers and employees only. Do not park there and leave for an hour and then come back and complain when I've parked behind you because I had nowhere else to park. If you want to pay the taxes and the upkeep on our parking lot, we'll negotiate.

[Pax]

Dear Snow Plow Driver,

I know you're really busy and probably exhausted but could you PLEASE stop piling all the snow from the street into the parking space next to my truck...I can't even get to the door to move it out of the way.

Frozenly yours,

Queen

[LBTC]

Dear staff of our employee services (human resources) department:

When I told you in June last year that my husband had quit his job and no longer had any benefits, I can understand that it was up to me to change my flex benefits plan online. I did that as soon as his coverage was over.

However, when I told you that he didn't have coverage anymore, you could have automatically made the change in my extended medical coverage so that when he went to pick up the first prescription he needed the coverage would have been in place.

And when it wasn't, several months ago, and I asked you to make that change which I thought you would have done automatically, did it not occur to you to check to see if you had changed my medical coverage?

Funny thing is, those medical guys send bills that are not allowed to be forwarded so that now, 8 months later, the bill is a warning that we'll be sent to a collection agency for monies that my employment contract say that you should be paying.

When I told you that he had quit his job and had no coverage, what did you think I meant?

No hugs or butterflies for you ladies, but I sure hope you can figure out a system so that nobody else has to deal with this!

~T~

[mimitabby]

Dear Snow Plow Driver,

I know you're really busy and probably exhausted but could you PLEASE stop piling all the snow from the street into the parking space next to my truck...I can't even get to the door to move it out of the way.

Frozenly yours,

Queen

oh, QUEEN, I AM JEALOUS!!

[logdiva32]

Dear overweight fitness center attendant,
Perhaps, if you place a covered bike rack out side of your fitness center, I would not ask you to move some of the old wrestling mats and boxing bags that lie at every hallway exit blocking the doors, because you will not allow me to bring my bike inside because, it is unsecured personal property and oh a "fire hazard" in the corner, that all 6 people who are in the gym might run for the same door; then I would happily lock my bike up outside and I might use your facility more and you won't have to cut your hours for lack of use. Oh, Then you wouldn't suggest driving my car like you do" who is 50 lbs overweight". But, guess it is not worth argueing over.

[CyclChyk]

Dear Biker Goddess/Powers That Be/God/Lucky Leprechan/Whoever can help the hopeless:

Pleaseeeeeeee don't let me flunk out of cycling class this weekend - please grant me the natural skills needed and confidence to know I have them so that I might pass the course with flying colors and get my learners permit and ultimately my mororcycle license so I don't have to ride b***h anymore and make my DH proud.

(I'll ask for guidance to a really cool bike once the above is obtained and I have proven to be a competent rider).

thank you.

Pic of a really cool bike below

[crazycanuck]

Dear dorky male rider by Murdoch uni this afternoon,

TAKE YOUR IPOD OFF...I shouldn't have to swear at people & yell "rider" 3 times before you hear me!!!!! If i wanted to bike 10km/hr I'd go behind you..

STAY TO THE LEFT...

FREAK.

Thank you & don't have a nice day

c

[Haudlady]

Dear Giant-Department-Store Clerk,

Please understand that the first time I said I didn't want a bag for my purchase (a single t-shirt), I meant that I did not want a bag.

Please understand that the second time I said I didn't want a bag... even though you laughed and said I would look silly walking across the parking lot without a bag... I meant that I did NOT want a bag.

Please understand that the reason I left the bag on the chair just inside the door, even though I knew you (and two other clerks) were staring at me in disbelief was that I DID NOT WANT A BAG!

Geesh.

[Kitsune06]

Dear little sister-
I can't tell you, without sounding like a total sap, how proud I am that you're coming into your own and being a strong young woman, making good decisions and doing well in school.

Keep being who you are, and you'll find someone proper to spend SAABJ Day with someone who is deserving and will appreciate you for the kickazz, savvy mechanic chick you are.

I'll have to let the little things suffice, posting pics of us as kids- remember how hot those polyester softball uniforms were??!- and sending you notes now and again. As embarrassed as I was that you tackled me when I came off the plane in WI, I wouldn't trade that experience for anything in the world. The airport security all took a collective sh!t because of you. They needed it. I needed it, too.

Thank you for telling our parents that it was okay with you that I had a girlfriend when I first had a human companion to go along with my feelings. I think it made all the difference in their reaction.

You don't always need to be so dark, you have a pretty smile- You don't need to be so quiet, you always have interesting things to say. You don't need to laugh off your close connections to the past- you have been, in many ways, the closest tie I've ever had to memories that get folded under the turbulence of everyday life.

They say you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses... ...no. no, that wasn't it. You can't pick your family? Something like that. Anyway, I'd pick you anyway. I would maybe even pick your nose.

Loveya, sis. Have fun laughing at the guys who weren't good enough to spend SAABJ day with you this year.
~Aryn