Dear So and So

[mary9761]

Dear Morons in referral department of my PCC/NEUROSURGERY/ETC,
Is there really NO WAY for me to be seen BEFORE April 11?? I've been told you didn't have a more current MRI than 1991. That's funny my PCC who made the referral gave ME a copy of the Open MRI I had done in DECEMBER BEFORE sending a referral to YOU in the first place.
If it will speed things up, I'll be more than glad to bring you the bloody photo copy that my PCC OBVIOUSLY was able to pull up to send home with ME! You see I really would like to have my LIFE BACK sooner than later especially if I may be needing back surgery. I don't want to have that disk slip any more in EITHER direction because besides the sciatic pain, I really don't want to end up PARALYZED waiting to see you if something happens either.
Oh, and while I'm at it, dear people in charge of making sure I get refills or not of my pain meds while I'm waiting to be seen. I'm taking the VERY minimum of meds that I can but I don't want to end up being WITHOUT meds while I have to wait nearly 3 more MONTHS to be seen by Neuro surgery so please don't give me a hassle when I call to see if you've gotten that written up for me. I don't like taking the meds because they make me STUPID, but I don't want to be in terrible pain if the effects continue to wear off of the prednisone treatment I had earlier.

[Bluetree]

Dear Bad Dog-Owner Lady,

We are fortunate to live in the area where 99% of dog owners pay attention to the pet laws. People pick up their dogs' poo, make sure they are well-socialized, keep them on leashes and stay off the beach bike path. I appreciate their efforts. We live in a clean and pet-friendly environment. So it was so unusual to see someone like you who are either completely ignorant of the laws or consciously think that the laws do not apply to you and your little darlings.

It was bad enough to see your two little yappy dogs run willy-nilly across the bike path and beachfront, chasing runners and cyclists, running up and barking menacingly to other peoples' (leashed) dogs, while you stand there weakly calling, "Please don't do that baby!" The guy with the two Rotties had a time of it calming his previously-well-behaved dogs, who didn't appreciate hyperpactive terriers running up and barking right into their faces.

It was worse when one of your little tots ran directly into the path of a streetsweeper truck, forcing me to ditch my ride and wave frantically to the driver to stop in time (luckily he did).

But the absolute worst was when you saw that one of your darlings almost get run over. You yelled out frantically to him and he ran back to you (the one time he did listen to you.) When he reached you, you responded by slapping him and scolding him, "Bad dog! Bad dog!" Sure that poor dog is poorly trained and uncontrollable. But he had NO IDEA why he was being punished. And there was no need to slap him. For all he knew, he was beein scolded for running back to you. If he was uncontrollable before, he'll get even worse. What are you teaching him... that to come when you call is a bad thing?!

I would have stopped and given you a stern talking to, except there was a large bern between us and you were out of earshot. As I rode away, I saw the guy with the Rotties stopping to chat with you. I hope he informed you of pet law and etiquette. I hope you learn how to train a dog properly, or better yet, refrain from being a dog owner. I hope I never see you or your yappy dogs on the bike path again.

[Bluetree]

Dear brand new Castelli jersey,

I'm so sorry about this morning.

I was sloppy with the snot rocket and got shrapnel all over your left sleeve. I know I am much better on my right, but I will have to work on my left-sided technique so as not to mess you up again. Snot aside, you performed admirably on your maiden voyage, keeping me toasty warm despite the dense fog cover and ocassional drizzle.

There you go into the washing machine.
I'll be waiting for you when you come out.