something i'd like to know? (re: housework)

[emily_in_nc]

Originally by Mr. Silver:

I am:_Clean AND Tidy____

DH is: _Neither__________

SheFly

What She(Fly) said!!!

However, DH is terribly handy and does so much about the house and yard, I can't complain too much about the crumbs in the sink or the clutter on the coffee table. He just emailed me that he fixed the electronic garage door today already...

Emily

[mimitabby]

I am ________sort of clean

DH is _______ak..um, sort of

help!! we need a wife!!

[im4smiley]

I would agree with Mimitabby....I do everything, bills, cleaning, cooking etc....although..now that the kids are grown and out of the house..he cleans the living room (where he spends all his time) and if there are less than 10 dishes in the sink...he will do them. something wrong here!! I told him that next time around I was getting a wife :-)

[KnottedYet]

I highly recommend the wife option...

Knot-has-no-legal-rights-in-the-US-and-knows-it

[Deanna]

Over the years, my DH and I have worked out a pretty good system--we each do what we do better than the other. I do all the housework, but he does all the yard work. We have a big enough yard with enough leaf dropping trees that this is equitable. I like the housework done a certain way (okay, MY way), so I'd end up redoing it if he tried. We split most other duties. I dothe dinner cooking and the dishes (I can make things that don't require a can opener). He manages a bike shop, so he does any bike maintenance beyond cleaning and changing flats.

[emily_in_nc]

I would agree with Mimitabby....I do everything, bills, cleaning, cooking etc....although..now that the kids are grown and out of the house..he cleans the living room (where he spends all his time) and if there are less than 10 dishes in the sink...he will do them. something wrong here!! I told him that next time around I was getting a wife :-)

So, why do you ladies who do nearly everything (that seems to be a common response here) put up with it?

I'm not trying to be rude, just truly curious. It just doesn't seem right to me to put up with that disparity unless it is serving you in some way. Don't you get resentful? If you don't, and you truly do enjoy doing most everything, then that's one thing...but I'd wager that most of the "do it all" gals here have to resent it just a bit. I know I would.

I just can't imagine doing 90%+ of everything unless I were at home full-time and DH worked. Then I would. If we both worked or both didn't work, forget it -- it's got to be divvied up in some semblance of 50/50. Fortunately, my DH is a rare bird; he's always done a lot. He likes to stay busy; he's not one to sit around and watch TV, except late in the evening. And since I'm the one working full-time, and he's retired, I do a lot less right now than he does.

Just trying to understand....

Emily

[aggiecorgi]

I unfortunately do about 90% of the work....DH does the bills and sometimes mows. We both work full time, my job pays more and has longer hours. I think a lot of it has to do with which part of the county your significant other grew up. My husband is from the hill country of Texas, and many men from that area seem to expect these "typical" male/women roles. He does help with the housework if I ask, but only with lots of complaining and resentment. In the past I've asked for more help, but the "help" only lasts for a few weeks.

I do have one thing that might help....I've told him he has to help out more before we have any kids. No help = no kids.

[kelownagirl]

You can train them to help. It's easier if you start off small and give lots of praise. If you sit down and make a list of everything you do in a day, and everything he does in a day and then list the things you each get to do in your free time (ie how many minutes/hours of tv or reading or relaxing or biking etc), you will often see pretty quickly that you do way more work and less free-time. It's hard for him to argue if you show him the list. I don't buy the whole argument that he works and you stay home so you should do ALL the home stuff. When I was a SAHM with two toddlers, I agreed to do all the housework during the day. But when he came home, he had to help with the child-rearing and after dinner housework. My day didn't end at 5, why should his?

Anyway, I started with insisting that he help with the dishes, later we moved to him doing all the dishes as long as I cooked. Then we set aside one morning a week that we did housework together and I gave him his choice of what he wanted to do. It wasn't always easy but it's worth working on. It took me about 10 years to get it working though.

This time around, I have stepped up the training and expect to be done in 10 months instead of 10 years.

[ACG]

I was married, please note the word "was". I did it all, ALL OF IT. And was not appreciated. This is one, no two reasons why I'm not married. My ex also lurks on this site from time to time........... Oops there is another reason.

To all who can, share the work, it is the only way.

[Mr. Bloom]

You can train them to help. It's easier if you start off small and give lots of praise. If you sit down and make a list of everything you do in a day, and everything he does in a day and then list the things you each get to do in your free time (ie how many minutes/hours of tv or reading or relaxing or biking etc), you will often see pretty quickly that you do way more work and less free-time. It's hard for him to argue if you show him the list. I don't buy the whole argument that he works and you stay home so you should do ALL the home stuff. When I was a SAHM with two toddlers, I agreed to do all the housework during the day. But when he came home, he had to help with the child-rearing and after dinner housework. My day didn't end at 5, why should his?

Anyway, I started with insisting that he help with the dishes, later we moved to him doing all the dishes as long as I cooked. Then we set aside one morning a week that we did housework together and I gave him his choice of what he wanted to do. It wasn't always easy but it's worth working on. It took me about 10 years to get it working though.

I'm glad that this approach seems to have worked for you. However, I think if I took this approach with Silver or vice versa, then fireworks may have resulted. Don't misunderstand...I like the list idea, but comparing you vs. him...well, I'm not sure that would work with everyone.

Personally, I'd suggest simply listing the tasks and making it clear that you need his help in sharing the burden equally.

Just my humble opinion...