something i'd like to know? (re: housework)

[mimitabby]

When I was married. I did it ALL.

Paid the bills.
Worried about keeping a job to pay the bills.
Washed the clothes.
Cleaned the house.
Went shopping for the food and cooked.
Made sure his car got oil changes, etc.
Made sure he went the dentist, etc.

ETC... ETC... ETC.

He basically did nothing.

Oddly, I never want to be married ever again... go figure.

KSH you sound perfect for my son! (except he cooks and cleans in the kitchen!)

[maillotpois]

We're pretty even. We're both full time attorneys and we both ride bikes. I do most of the helping kid with homework, dinner prep during the week because I tend to get home earlier than he does. I tend to go into work earlier and leave earlier than normal business hours because it helps my commute immensely. I also try to work at home as much as possible.

The laundry stacks up until we both get so sick of looking at it that one or both of us folds it. I generally keep the laundry "going" in terms of making sure things get washed - mostly because DD is so fussy about what clothes she wears and we've been burned too many times on a weekday morning with her having no "right" pants.

Whoever cooks dinner doesn't do dishes. He's a better cook than I am so I do a lot of dishes.

I do 95% of the work on my own bikes. I still can't pull a crank or adjust cables well, and sometimes he'll step in and do something nice like putting on my new tires for me.

I always take the trash out or he'd forget. I almost never vaccuum. We do have cleaners every other week, but if the animal hair, dirt or whatever builds up too much between, then he deals with it.

I do all the dog transport (our dog has to go to Guide Dogs to breed every other month or so), but I'm the dog person.

I do most of the kid to doctor/orthodontist type visits, but DH's mother does a fair amount too. I do all of the working in school or field trip driving - but his mom will work my shift at school if I cannot. My work is a little more flexible than his - and it's also still tough for men to take time from work for school things whereas it's more expected of women. I'm lucky that his mom's nearby so I can volunteer for regular school work and not sweat if I cannot make it because of work.

It's pretty fair. The only time I get a little peeved is when I come home from work after he does and he is sitting at the computer, having done nothing to get dinner ready. He's the president of our tennis club, so he spends a fair amount of time at night on the computer dealing with all the work associated with that. So that gets a little old! As soon as I get home my priorities are 1. has kid done her homework? 2. has kid been fed or is there a plan in the works to do so?

[MyLitespeed]

Gee sounds like I will have to retrain my husband, although it may be to late (24 years to late). Our schedule is we both get up M-F at 3:45, I make the bed, clean the cat boxes, collect all the trash and take that out, eat breakfast, take my shower. At 6 am I take both dogs for a 45 minute walk, do the dishes, maybe throw in a load of laundry then start work at 7:30(I work from home). My husband gets up, takes a shower, eats, gets on the computer for about 1/2 hr. goes to work at 5:30. Then at 4:30 pm we either go to the gym (M,W,F) or walk the dogs for an hour. When we get back we usually just grab something quick to eat and head to bed by 8 pm. He does do all bike maintance and sometimes works in the yard. Overall though, he's a great husband and I couldn't ask for a nicer person to have married. A clean house isn't everything.

[Crankin]

The situation right now: 2 married adults, no kids, both work full time and ride bikes.

All housecleaning: cleaning service. Had one for probably 20 years, with the exception of the first 3 years i moved back to Massachusetts. Before this, we split it equally.

Cooking: I do most, he cleans up. He is a good cook, though. Cooking relaxes me and I like it, so it doesn't seem like a chore.
Food shopping: Now we go together 85% of the time. Like the "old couples" you see... when kids were little we had a strict every other week rotation on friday, after work. There were many years I couldn't stomach the thought of taking my kids to the store.

Bike repair: All husband. I know nothing, except how to change a flat and he is an excellent mechanic who has every bike tool known to mankind.

Cars: I take my car for the state inspection, gas, etc. but the dealer is a mile from his office, so when it needs service, we switch cars and he takes mine there.

Anything outside or mechanical: Not me. Our new house has no lawn, but when we did have a lawn, we had a landscaping service for most of the time. it was cheap in AZ and when hubby got into cycling, he no longer wanted to spend weekends doing that, so we got someone to do it. He used to like gardening, but now it is just done out of necessity. We have to landscape some areas in the spring and I am being coerced into helping because we don't want to spend the $ to hire someone. I actually helped rake out a large hill area in the front of my house in the fall. I hate it and the only way i can make myself do it is to look at it as exercise.

Bills: he does it, all on line. I know what's going on, though. I don't like the on line aspect of it because I am generally old fashioned and don't mind writing checks. We discuss everything and plan the financials together.

Fixing stuff: My husband has saved us lots of cash, because he can fix just about anything. he loves gadgets and has a tool for everything. I'm like my dad, who could barely hammer a nail. My mom fixed everything, though.

Buying stuff: We both do our fair share of the spending!

Laundry: I mostly do it, but for years, he did.

Advising adult children: They come to both of us for different things and I suspect tell us different things, too....

When kids were small, he always took them to daycare and I picked up. I arranged the daycare and babysitters. He took them to birthday parties (I had no tolerance for those things), movies, and computer related things without me. I took them to children's theatre without him. But most of the time, we did stuff together. I took them to sports practices, but he went to the games most of the time. I also took them to Hebrew school during the week. When Scott was racing he did everything, took him to races, helped arrange rides, dealt with the other psycho parents of junior bike racers. After Scott could drive himself, we went to see him race together, a few times. This was right when I first started riding, so I wasn't that interested.

Next year, when I retire, things will pretty much stay the same. I probably will do the food shopping alone, though, during the week.

[Tuckervill]

Been married 17 years and we've been through a lot of changes. He used to be more concerned with things like bed-making, etc., but I was always satisfied with "sanitary" when the kids were little.

But now it's pretty much me doing all of it, except he will do the dishes before bed every night if they need doing. I don't go in the kitchen after supper's over, (I clean as I cook) but he usually makes a late evening trip. I'd leave dishes until morning, but he just can't. Doing the dishes keeps him from eating at that time of night

There was a short time when he was out of work and I went back to work to make ends meet. He's a MUCH better housewife than I am! Made my lunch every day, laundry always done. He didn't have to do it day after day for 17 years, though.

We don't divide it up in any way, except laundry. Everyone does their own laundry. We just see what needs doing and we do it, if we've got the time. I have more time at home, so I do more. If I asked him to do what I usually do, he would.

Karen

[Aint Doody]

We own a small business. We get home; he sits down with the newspaper, and I start dinner. I pretty much do it all--except for some of the yard work that isn't hired out. I've always said, "Gee, I wish I had a wife."

He does rake the leaves in the fall and complains loudly about it. I used to feel guilty and help. Not any more!

[suzieqtwa]

I have been married 16 years ,and we help each other out. My daughter is grown ,so its just us ,and the 2 cats. I do the laundry ,but he cleans the bathrooms ,and cuts the grass. Who ever has the most time does it. If I cook dinner, he cleans the dishes. We never really talk about it ,just do it.

[Deborajen]

We're about 75/25 and both work full-time. He'll vacuum the easy areas, take out the trash (once a week of it), help load and unload the dishwasher, clean the bathroom (excluding the shower/tub), and feed the dog and cats (most of the time). I get the rest - cooking, laundry, and pretty much anything not otherwise specified as his.

He is gradually doing a little more, though. Ironically, what got him started was buying a boat. He and our son (who's now away at college) like to go fishing - I'm kind of a hydrophobe and don't get along with boats. They started out just heading off to the lake - whenever - and letting the housework slide 'til later. They seemed to feel a little guilty about leaving me out of the fun, plus they got tired of hearing me gripe about the housework not being done. I pointed out that if the housework was out of the way, it wouldn't bother me if they wanted to go enjoy some fishing - especially if they alternated fishing trips with some family bike rides. They seem to like that incentive.

Deb

[Mr. Bloom]

OK, here's a question:

Silver is a "clean" person...she's OK with clutter as long the clutter is on a spotless countertop. When she cooks, she piles the dishes in the sink.

I'm a "tidy" person...I don't like clutter. I wonder how you know it's a spotless countertop if you can't see it for the clutter. When I cook, I clean as I go.

Fill in the blank with "Tidy" or "Clean":

I am:____________

DH is: ______________

[kelownagirl]

I want to play!
originally from Shefly


Vacuuming - DH
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - KG and DH puts away his own
Cleaning bathroom - usually KG
Emptying kitty litter - ONLY KG
Feeding cats and dogs - DH
Tidying and dusting - mostly KG
Paying bills/managing household finance - KG
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - KG & DH
Grocery shopping - KG & DH
Loading/unloading dishwasher - DH
Making morning coffee - DH
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including DH's stuff - KG
Cooking - KG
Making pie - my mom
Watering plants - no live plants
Lawn care - .... DH mows once a week, spring to fall
Yardwork - mostly DH, KG does most of the flowerbeds
Bike maintenance - DH
House maintenance, building stuff, renos etc - DH
Picking up dog poop - DH
Remembering - KG
Nightly back massages - DH (which is why I do all that I do ?

[SheFly]

I've always said, "Gee, I wish I had a wife."

Great line! I was working around the house trying to frantically get everything done one day when DH looked at me and innocently said, "What are you doing?" I snapped and retorted, "I know that you think that everything around here happens by magic, but I am the magic!" He started helping a little more after that.

SheFly

[SheFly]

Originally by Mr. Silver:

I am:_Clean AND Tidy____

DH is: _Neither__________

SheFly

[Bikingmomof3]

OK, here's a question:
Fill in the blank with "Tidy" or "Clean":

I am:____________

DH is: ______________

I cannot function in clutter.

I am: Clean and tidy.

DH if left on his own is neither. He does not "see" clutter. You should see his office and lab space. Yet, he knows where everything is in his office. If it gets filed, he cannot find a thing.

The boys-the twins share a room and are the odd couple. One is clean and tidy, the other a slob. My oldeset has his own room and is a slob. I keep threatenting to put the two slobs together and giver] the clean and tidy child his own room. I would have years ago, but the twins prefer to be together.

[emily_in_nc]

Originally by Mr. Silver:

I am:_Clean AND Tidy____

DH is: _Neither__________

SheFly

What She(Fly) said!!!

However, DH is terribly handy and does so much about the house and yard, I can't complain too much about the crumbs in the sink or the clutter on the coffee table. He just emailed me that he fixed the electronic garage door today already...

Emily

[mimitabby]

I am ________sort of clean

DH is _______ak..um, sort of

help!! we need a wife!!