something i'd like to know? (re: housework)

[Offthegrid]

I'm a bit late coming to this thread, but I wanted to add that I am always amazed, shocked and repulsed when I watch "Supernanny" or "Nanny 911" and the woman is doing EVERYTHING from sunup to sundown while the man puts in his 8 hours at the office and then plops on the couch. So she's a SAHM -- does that mean she doesn't ever deserve a break? Amazing.

Re: housework. It's one other thing that doomed my relationship with my ex. When you're in an apartment, there are no typical "man" chores such as lawn care, washing cars, etc. Finally I made him do his own laundry because I was sick of doing everything, and he would stuff the washer so full of all his clothes, then wonder why they came out wrinkled after 90 minutes in the dryer.

[alpinerabbit]

I actually do less than him. He's very orderly and I am a slob. But I am currently paying for the cleaner so I have outsourced some of my responsibility...

[SheFly]

[rant on]

Vacuuming - SheFly
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - SheFly
Cleaning bathroom - SheFly
Emptying kitty litter - SheFly
Feeding cat - SheFly
Tidying and dusting - SheFly
Paying bills/managing household finance - SheFly
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - SheFly
Grocery shopping - SheFly
Loadin/unloading dishwasher - SheFly
Making moring coffee - SheFly
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including DH's stuff - SheFly
Cooking - Shefly and DH
Watering plants - DH
Lawn care - hired out....
Bike maintenance - DH - of course (he has to do SOMETHING!)

[rant off]

I am an enabler. It's defintely not 50/50 at our house, and some days I'm bitter about that. Oh yeah - we have two houses and the same rules apply at both houses.

[mimitabby]

I want to play!
originally from Shefly


Vacuuming - no vacuumnig
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - Mimi & DH
Cleaning bathroom - DH & Mimi
Emptying kitty litter - ONLY mimi
Feeding catZ - usually Mimi
Tidying and dusting - ?
Paying bills/managing household finance - DH
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - Mimi & DH
Grocery shopping - Mimi & DH
Loadin/unloading dishwasher - Mimi, DH, DS
Making morning coffee & tea - DH
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including DH's stuff - only the shadow knows
Cooking - Mimi and DH
Making pie - DH
Watering plants - bwahahaha Mimi (only cactus survives in this house)
Lawn care - .... DH mows once a year whether he needs to or not
Yardwork - mimi
Bike maintenance - DH
Floors - (sweeping, washing) Mimi
Sending cards and making phone calls to ailing relatives his and mine Mimi
Remembering - Mimi

[Hub]

Ditto most of what SheFly said- I'm so glad she posted so I don't feel alone!
[rant on]

Vacuuming - Hub
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - Hub
Cleaning bathrooms - Hub
Emptying kitty litter - Hub
Feeding dogs -Hub
Tidying and dusting - Hub
Paying bills/managing household finance - SheFly& dH
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - Hub
Grocery shopping - Hub
Loadin/unloading dishwasher - Hub
Making moring coffee, refilling coffee cups - Hub
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including DH's stuff - Hub ( Well alot gets lost)
Cooking - Hub
Walking dogs- Hub
Lawn care - hired out....
Bike maintenance -Please- only one cyclist lives here.
Paying for 'domestic assistance'- when we can find someone to work -dH
Driving HIS mom around to do errands- Hub
[rant off]

I am also an enabler. It's defintely not 50/50 at our house, and some days I'm bitter about that.

[mimitabby]

Paying bills/managing household finance - SheFly& dH
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - Hub
Grocery shopping - Hub

Hub, how do you get Shefly to pay your bills?

[IFjane]

Vacuuming - usually IFjane
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - usually IFjane
Cleaning bathrooms - IFjane
Emptying kitty litter - SO
Feeding dogs -Don't have dogs
Tidying and dusting - IFjane
Paying bills/managing household finance - both of us
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - both of us
Grocery shopping - SO
Loading/unloading dishwasher - both of us
Making moring coffee, refilling coffee cups - SO
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including SO's stuff - IFjane - example: this morning on my way to work I had to deliver SO's WALLET to him because he couldn't find it (it was on his bedside table )
Cooking - SO
Walking dogs- No dogs
Lawn care - hired out....
Bike maintenance - both of us


I feel very lucky because SO does so much - much more than my ex ever did (one reason for the divorce). One decision we made last year was to hire out the yard work - though we both love to putter out there - but we have about 1.5 acres to mow & it was taking way too much of our "play" time. It is not cheap but is one of the best investments we have made in each other.

[margo49]

In theory 50-50 from the beginning (22 years almost).
In practice 50 -50 altho' over the last 10 years we have specialised more (I do the bathroom (standards), The Friday Dinner (coz I'm the best cook), the laundry (coz I love it), I change towels and sheets (coz the rest just don't care); SO does more (and for some periods all) of the shopping (coz he sticks to the list), the chopping of the firewood (I became incapacitated so I taught him 10 years ago and DS#1 is qualified too and DS#2 is ok with the tomahawk ).
The one who cooks doesn't do the dishes, Dad gets a rest on Friday night and the kids split up the clear-up and dishes between them, emergencies involving both of us means the home front devolves to DD are some of our family customs.
That said we can each run the show of 3 kids cat and dog alone . This has been critical when it's been critical.
The kids are doing a lot more now and we (me + 3) have been known to do the Friday blitz and then all sit round with a beer feeling virtuous! SO is too virtuous for even beer!

My basic theory tho' is that it is not so important what you do but that your contibution is remarked upon from time to time and appreciated and respected.I developed this in my late 30's when I met a lot of people living very traditionally/stereotypically. And I saw that he thought she was a great at running the house and family and she thought he was a good provider and dealt with Matters of State to the benefit of all the family. [I myself would never live like this for all the appreciation in the world ... but I have seen it wenough to know it can work just as well as the most carefully worked out scheduled "equality"]

[SalsaMTB]

Yes! I'm not the only one....thanks shefly. DH and I both work full time. Dh runs our new business, I have the steady income. He puts in about one extra hour a day than me, I'll help out at the store on weekends.

Vacuuming - Salsa
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - Salsa (DH will put away normally)
Cleaning bathroom - Salsa
P/UP Dog Waste - Hired Out
Feeding Dogs - AM: DH PM: Salsa
Take dogs to vet - Salsa
Tidying - Salsa and DH
Dusting - Salsa
Paying bills/managing household finance - Salsa
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - Salsa
Grocery shopping - Salsa and DH
Loadin/unloading dishwasher - Salsa (or DH w/ guilt trip)
Making moring coffee - Salsa
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including DH's stuff - Salsa
Cooking (all threee meals)- Salsa
Watering plants - DH
Lawn care - hired out....
Bike maintenance - DH - he does run a bike shop
Snow Removal - DH (although we really haven't had any this winter)

[SheFly]

Hub, how do you get Shefly to pay your bills?

I wondered where those extra bills were coming from...

[SheFly]

Sending cards and making phone calls to ailing relatives his and mine Mimi
Remembering - Mimi

Oh Mimi - good catch! I left that one off. If it weren't for me, none of my inlaws (or my family, his/our friends) would EVER get cards, calls or gifts...

SheFly

p.s.
After three pages of 50/50, I thought I was the ONLY one who didn't fit that mold. SO glad to know that I'm not alone....

[spokewench]

Vacuuming - Spoke
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - 80% Spoke
Cleaning bathroom - Spoke
Emptying kitty litter - DH
Feeding cat - DH and Spoke
Tidying and dusting - Spoke
Paying bills/managing household finance - Spoke/DH
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - DH
Grocery shopping - Spoke
Loadin/unloading dishwasher - DH/Spoke
Making moring coffee - Spoke
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including DH's stuff - Spoke
Cooking - Spoke
Watering plants - Spoke
Lawn care - DH/Spoke
Bike maintenance - DH
Cutting and building fires - DH 80%

So, we share responsibilities. The only thing I would really like my DH to do that he does not, is clean up the dishes after I come home from work and cook. (He does not cook). Somtimes he will put the plates in the dishwasher but only about twice a year does he ever clean a pot or a pan. That would be nice!

[SR500]

Vacuuming - DH
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - Mostly SR
Cleaning bathroom - SR
Emptying kitty litter - SR (DH hates cats)
Feeding cat - SR
Tidying and dusting - Tidying DH - Dusting SR
Paying bills/managing household finance - SR
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - DH
Grocery shopping - SR
Loadin/unloading dishwasher - DH
Making moring coffee - We don't drink coffee
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including SR's stuff - DH
Cooking - Mostly SR
Watering plants - DH
Lawn care - DH
Bike maintenance - DH
Home repairs/projects - DH (plenty to do with a 100+ year old home)
Take out the trash - DH

I should add we each have our own business. DH is home based and he still takes care of the kids, I have an office and 7 employees. So there is always plenty to do...

[bouncybouncy]

Vacuuming - bouncy...tho DH claims he takes part! HA
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - 99% DH
Cleaning bathroom - generally bouncy...but DH does (cause he does a better job) when we are expecting houseguest!
Walk dog - my little one doesn't need much walking BUT we are getting a new baby tonight which will be DH's responsibility since he was the instigator of the new addition (with VERY LITTLE risistance from me )
Feeding dog - bouncy
Tidying and dusting - bouncy
Paying bills/managing household finance - DH
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - DH
Grocery shopping - bouncy/DH
Loadin/unloading dishwasher - DH...but he needs reminding every once in a while
Making moring coffee - bouncy
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including DH's stuff - BOUNCY...he can't find his own head sometimes!!! HUGE joke amonst friends how directionally impaired he is...kinda scary actually!!!
Cooking - bouncy...cooking for DH is taking me out...so no complaints from this chic!!! and he does clean up after dinner 63% of the time with 67% effort!!!
Watering plants - bouncy...until they die then I watch them dry out till I buy more for that pot
Lawn care - DH/bouncy (whining the whole time!!! ...and truthfully not doing much but playing with the dog or riding in circles on my mtb hehe)
Bike maintenance - DH
Cutting and building fires - DH
Sending cards and making phone calls to ailing relatives his and mine
Remembering and following through - bouncy

I am very lucky to have a hyper DH who loves to "stuff" and stay active whether it be yardwork, housework, or play...he does know how to lay around on a rainy sunday staying in jammies all day and just relax!!! I think our balance works out very well...I tend to do the daily little things that keep the house tidy and he does the major chores that take alot of time...

[KSH]

something i read somewhere made me wonder.... how many of you married women or women living with men do ALL the housework... all the dishes? all the vacuuming? all the laundry? all the cleaning? all the cooking???? etc!

i get irrited when i see posts from men that say they don't do that cuz they have a wife (or live in girlfriend)! YIKES! both of us work and we both do things around the house... granted i do the laundry.. cuz i have my quirks about it.... but once it's folded.. he puts his own away... i load the dishwasher... he unloads... we both vacuum, clean the bathrooms... clean the catbox (ok... he does that more than i do!) HE takes the trash out and cleans the dog doo!! lol! but we pretty much both do things...we both work... we both ride... ones not the "boss" over the other... it's a partnership!

and for your lurking men.... do you help around the house?

When I was married. I did it ALL.

Paid the bills.
Worried about keeping a job to pay the bills.
Washed the clothes.
Cleaned the house.
Went shopping for the food and cooked.
Made sure his car got oil changes, etc.
Made sure he went the dentist, etc.

ETC... ETC... ETC.

He basically did nothing.

Oddly, I never want to be married ever again... go figure.