DH Health Issues... How do you cope?

[LBTC]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Haudlady}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

First, I'd like to reassure you that his symptom could be caused by other things that are not cancer. For instance, I've been diagnosed with Crohn's disease. It's not cancer, and it is manageable. His symptoms could indicate this disease or something else entirely. No matter what, you've both taken the right first step to go to a doctor and find out what is going on! It's a hard thing for people to talk about, for sure, so it is understandable why he's left it so long. Try not to be angry about that...it would be easy to be so, but it won't help with healing!

Second, know that your support is a huge factor in his healing. No matter what they find, you'll be beside him and with him every step of this journey. You may have some times when it's hard to be the positive gentle support you need to be for him, so, please, when you're worried, post here so we can help you with that!!

Thirdly, I think this sheds some light on the other thread you started...an issue like this, kept private from your SO provides for all sorts of isolation and very little intimacy. You obviously love each other very much. This health crisis will lead you to a stronger and deeper love that neither of you realized could be possible. I was going through this a year ago last fall. DH had to find out if the lump was testicular cancer or not. Thankfully, it was not!! It was hard to be upbeat with him all the time, but it was my primary focus. I leaned heavily on the girls here at TE and on some of my girlfriends in RL. I just needed to talk things through sometimes....it was frightening, but it was so helpful to have the girls beside me through it all!

Lastly, ask the girls at TE for their positive energy, prayers and good wishes for his health. I've done it, and my DH was amazingly touched. He's still convinced that all that energy changed his outcome!

I'm sending lots of healing energy and butterflies to make sure the doctors find out what it is as quickly and as painlessly as possible! I'll send more once we know what he's dealing with.

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[mtbdarby]

((Haudlady)),
LBTC is right on - please share with us and openly receive the outpouring of prayers, hugs, well wishes, etc. that will come your way. Keep us posted and good luck!

Did you get your thyroid tests redone? I get to go give blood today to get mine checked......

[spokewench]

Haudlady - All my prayers are going out to you and your DH. It is scary not knowing. I'm glad you got him to go to the doctor immediately. It's hard to wait, but you are doing what you can to find out what is going on. Have faith, it will be okay.

[Bikingmomof3]

(((((Haudlady)))))) I shall be keeping you and your DH in my prayers.

[Wahine]

I've been through too many situations like this with family members. It is very hard waiting to find out what's happening. It's a great idea for you to vent your frustrations, worries etc here. Your DH has plenty on his mind, so although you should not hide your feelings from him, try to discuss them when you are both not emotionally revved up and can discuss things rationally. So when your bursting, post it here first. Then let yourself calm down before bringing anything up with your DH. My father had blood in his urine for many years and did not do anything about it. When he finally got it diagnosed, it was serious and I was furious. But what I had to remind myself was that whatever was going on in his head was torturous without me adding to it. So again, I'm not suggesting you bottle it up but try not to let your emotions get the better of you and try to be as sensitive as you can.

Take care and let us know what happens. It's very likely that it's not serious. We're all sending postive vibes.

[five one]

You've received some very good advice from the others here. I know exactly what you are feeling right now. My DH is a two time lymphoma survivor (15 years!) We have been through some very scary and rocky times because of this. Chemo, remission, relapse, bone marrow transplant is the short story, followed by a horrible case of shingles on his face which destroyed the optic nerve and tear duct in his left eye. The kids were in grade school and middle school back then. I lived on pins and needles much of the time, but tried to keep things as normal as possible for them. Since so much time has gone by now, my subconscious has conveniently tucked away much of the day to day struggles, but what remains with me is that I always had the belief that no matter what we had to go through, he would get well again. Looking back, it was probably naive to think that, but it's what helped me cope. We are also very private and didn't want to participate in cancer support groups, though I know they are helpful to many. DH firmly believed he would fight and win the battle - and he did. "It's not what happens to you, it's what you do about it" is a quote that helped him in that fight.

The important thing for you and your DH right now is that the doctor's appointment has been made. You've taken the first step. Hopefully a diagosis won't take long and then you can deal with it, whatever it is, together.

Going through all that we did actually strengthened our relationship and love for each other and a lot of positive things happened to us as a result, not the least of which is cycling.

Sending positive vibes your way. Please let us know how things go today. You have a great support group here in the forums.

Virginia

[kaybee]

I just wanted to echo want everyone else has said. Don't panic -- as others have mentioned, it could be Crohn's or something else. I have a brother who has had Crohn's for several years, and he's fine. He does have to manage it, but as long as he does what he's supposed to do, he's fine.

Sending positive thoughts your way . . .

KB