Accident

[MightyMitre]

Spoke to my riding partner earlier today and heard her hubby was involved in a very nasty accident last night. He was knocked off his bike by a car, head on, while riding home and is now in intensive care with rib & pelvis fractures and a collaped lung. This is horrible! Both me and by bf are very upset as we often ride together as a group.

Apart from the How-the -hell- did- this -happen- & -why questions I feel totally useless. Can't really do much for her hubby - the hospital are taking care of that - but what can I do to help my friend out? She's only about 15 mins away and just feel I should do something.

[SadieKate]

Oh, this is awful news. And so difficult to know what you can do. Just be there for her. Does she have family around? Does she need pets looked after, plants watered, mail brought in, anything brought to her at the hospital? I think anything that helps her be with him would be a help.

[aka_kim]

That's awful. It's always terrible to hear about bike accidents. I don't really know what you can do for your friend, other than to be a friend and be available for her right now.

Not sure if this helps or not... a friend of a friend was hit (intentionally) by a car a few years ago with very similar injuries -- broken pelvis, shoulder, wrist. While recovering he found out he'd won a lottery position for Ironman Hawaii, and less than one year after his accident he competed at Hawaii. So, moral of the story, your friend's athletic life isn't necessarily over if he doesn't want it to be.

[Adventure Girl]

I’m very sorry to hear about your friend! It makes us all realize how fragile we all are! My thoughts are with you!

As for what you can do for your friend… All you can do is be her friend! My husband was in a very serious accident (and had similar injuries to your friend’s husband). I can’t explain how much I appreciated just having someone to talk to. My supportive friends saved me during that time!

While Robert was in the hospital, I drove an hour and a half (round trip) to see him for just a few minutes before I went to work every morning. I would call my friend, Heidi, from my car. Luckily she’s on the east coast and I’m on the west coast, so my 5:30AM calls to her were OK with her! Just talking to helped so much!

Let your friend know that she’s not alone. Ask her if you can do anything for her, but I she’ll probably say, “no”. Take her to lunch (hospital cafeteria food isn’t that bad!). Give her a shoulder to cry on.

[DeniseGoldberg]

I had a crash of my own last May, so maybe I can give you some ideas from a patient's point of view. I'm single, and I was lucky in that my mom was able to come to Boston and be at the hospital with me - nothing like a 52-year-old relying on her mother! Your friend's situation is probably different in that she is likely supporting her husband in a familiar place. I have to agree with SadieKate that being there for your friend is the most important thing. Going and sitting with her when she's not in intensive care (since they probably won't allow additional visitors) and bringing her food so she doesn't need to leave the hospital would both be helpful and provide the emotional support that she probably needs.

I had friends and neighbors who really jumped in and helped - the neighbors by taking care of my newspaper and mail and managing to convince the state police that they should give them my bike so I didn't need to worry about it, and my friends by picking up clothes for me at my house, bringing food to the hospital for us since the hospital food was pretty much inedible, and most important - visiting me both when I knew they were there and even at the beginning when I was pretty much out of it.

I'm sending my good wishes to your friends.

[MightyMitre]

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and support. I spoke to my friend again this evening and they're going to operate on hubby tomorrow to put a plate on his pelvis fracture. They also gave him an epidural earlier as the mophine wasn't working. That should be a good source of joking, about child birth etc, when he's well again.

My friend Sarah seems to be coping well, but I'm guessing it won't really kick in properly for a day or two. I told her she could call me any time, day or night and so I'll keep my mobile handy. Will definitely take her something nice to eat in the next few days, whether she asks not.

Certainly shakes you this kind of thing. Was going to go out for a ride this afternoon, but opted for the home trainer today instead.

[DeniseGoldberg]

It definitely shakes you - but don't let this keep you away from cycling. Just think of how many rides you've had without incident. The non-cyclists I know who really don't know me just assumed I wouldn't get back on my bike after my crash - but biking is an important part of my life, and I was riding again as soon as I was able. I would bet that your friend's husband will be back on his bike too.

It sounds like he may have a long recovery - but I'm sure that your support is important to both of them.

[CorsairMac]

oh MM - I'm so sorry to hear that. I send up prayers every day I cross the 2 really bad streets safely! Keeping your friend and her husband and you in my prayers! You're already doing for her just by being there. Let her know about your post too - it'll help her to know there are people all over pulling for both of them!

[MightyMitre]

This is what also sucks. We've already got loads of trips planned for the first half of the year. We're all meant to be doing the Tour of Flanders sportif ride in Belgium in April . It's about 90 miles and includes lots of steep cobbled climbs http://www.rvv.be/eng/parcours/hellingen.html and Phil also is meant to be going to Italy for a Gran Fondo sportif ride in Tuscany as part of my fiance's stag weekend in May.

Oh well, plans change. Funny how you suddenly get a new perspective on what's important and what's not. ...Apparently he was asking earlier if there were any bits that could be salvaged off his bike. 'Luckily' he was on his winter hack bike, not his very spiffy Colnago C50

[mtbstarr]

That is awful to hear MM......I wish I knew what to say. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

[MightyMitre]

Thanks again for all you kind messages - I passed them onto my friend ( and hubby) and she was really touched to know that people she's never met are sending their thoughts. It meant a great deal to her.

Quick update on her hubby : he's now on a normal ward. They've put a massive pin in his pelvis which sounds horrid and he's not allowed to do anything weight bearing for 6 weeks. He's just flat on his back for the moment but very relieved to here he's now stable.

Current thoughts are it could be up to a year before he's fully recovered.

Denise - I read your story about your accident and I'll certainly be passing it on for Sarah to read. Very glad you've made a good recovery.

[Veronica]

Oh good, I'm glad to hear things are improving.

Veronica

[Dogmama]

MM, my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer & due to many problems, spent almost a month in the hospital - one week of which was in intensive care. Here is what helped me.

Having people come to the hospital & sit with me. Now that your friend's husband is in a room, you can take your friend out for coffee (or better yet - bring some in & sit in a lounge.) I still remember the people who just sat with me. They didn't even need to carry on conversation. Just the feeling of having support was wonderful.

Bring munchable food. Fruit is always a good choice or anything in a wrapper.

Call often but let her know she doesn't need to return your calls unless she wants to. I was inundated with calls from friends and felt guilty that I didn't have the energy to return all of them.

When he gets out - bring more food. Anything so that she doesn't have to cook is good. Go to the grocery store for her. I was so drained from having to be a nurse, wife, worker (I worked from home) that cooking seemed an insurmountable hurdle.

Take her out for more coffee. I needed to get away from the whole horrible situation more than I realized. Those stolen moments were so precious. When he comes home, he'll undoubtedly be in pain and she'll feel stressed and helpless. Good friends can help ease the situation.

I'll say a prayer for her and her husband. And yes, it certainly makes one realize that life isn't just about "how many miles" or the newest Campy bits.

I don't know how medical care is across the pond, but whenever my husband is in the hospital, I stay with him night and day. Medical mistakes (in the U.S.) count for more deaths than breast cancer. I've caught the staff almost giving him meds that he is allergic to, not hanging his antibiotics when it was time, etc. Plus, he needed me to help to little things - move the kleenex box where he could reach it, get him ice water and just generally be there. Nurses are overwrought and simply don't have the time to do the things that make a hospital stay a little more bearable. I would go home twice a day to feed the 4-legged kids, get some dinner and/or shower and then I'd go back. It's tough, but I wouldn't have it any other way. We just got done with a hernia repair last week - five day hospital stay. (He ripped open all of his abdominal stitches while throwing up during chemo.)

Sorry this is so long. Just had a "little bit" of experience with this one!

[MightyMitre]

Dogmama - thanks for sparing the time to pass on your tips. Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment. You and your hubby are in my thoughts. It must be a tough time for you both. I hope things get easier for you soon.



My friend is actually a litigator, specialising in medical claims so she's well and truely on the ball with the medical care issues. She said herself, as great as the nursing staff are, they can't be there for every minor thing and she's been doing all the little things you mentioned, like fetching drinks etc.

Looks like Starbucks is going to do well out of us in the coming months. Better get some cooking practise in as well!

[Veronica]

My God - you have Starbucks over there! What's the world coming to? I really just don't like their coffee.


Thom, in an effort to lower his caffeine intake, has begun drinking decaf Earl Grey - no milk, no sugar. It's pretty good. Although I feel like Capt. Picard every time I have some.

V.