Should Men be allowed in a Women's Forum?

[mimitabby]

Hi Bluetree
I have seen 4 different guys that came onto this forum. One posted about his wife's dirty underwear. If I was a moderator, I would have banned him immediately. The other three, Mr Silver included, came on here because of their wives. Nice guys asking advice for a women's specific bike, wanting to surprise her. Mr Silver in particular was a much appreciated poster, because he came to us to let us know how one of the women that we all came to know and love was doing after an accident (and then a second one!)
I think except for the complainer, I am okay with men posting, as long as they remember that this IS a women's forum, and that they are our guests.
that's my opinion anyhoo.
thanks for asking.

[salsabike]

I have no problem with men being on this forum as long as their behavior is fine--which is the way I feel about ALL participants.

[bcipam]

I have no problem with men being on this forum as long as their behavior is fine--which is the way I feel about ALL participants.

+100

I had a male friend some time ago post on this forum. He ID'd himself as male and had something to add to the thread he felt was important - he also knew most of the posters.

This is a women's forum and basically it is. If I thought men came here to "play" and pick up ladies then I would say that person should go. I just haven't seen that behavior. Everyone has been polite, respectful and cordial.

Edited to add: I just read the nutrition thread... Mr Silver I would rather PM you (but couldn't) but a message from me... time to time I get myself in quite a pickle with some of the ladies on this board - I can be outspoken and I'm Christian and Conservative, so I can rub folks raw at times. I have learned when engaged so... to just back off and be silent. Men like to debate, women not so much. Just a lesson learned for the future where ever you turn up.

[Pedal Wench]

I also participate on the women's board on bikeforums.net. They debate quarterly (it seems) on whether or not to allow men in. It's a private forum - women are invited in, once it's been established on the public forums that they are, indeed a woman, although it would probably be easy for someone to fake entry. Our forum here is often mentioned, in that this one is open to anyone who wants to drop in. Trying to police it would require more work than Susan O., or Jeff, would probably want to take on. I have a feeling that most men gradually lose interest in our issues. This IS a public forum, and we have to deal with that fact.

[Bad JuJu]

Though it seems that a set policy on this issue would make some of us feel better, I have to agree with Pedal Wench that enforcing such a policy would be next to impossible. After all, we don't really know that everyone who posts here as a woman really is a woman. And what about the occasional transgendered person who might take an interest in the forum?

Mainly, I feel that, with maybe a few exceptions, this is a self-policing forum in that people who aren't really interested in women's cycling issues will eventually get bored and move on. So I think any policy on who can post here neither is needed or would be very effective in the long run.

Just my 2 cents.

[SouthernBelle]

Basically, I have no problem with Mr. Silver being here. He's here by invitation and has kept his testerone in check. But overall, I prefer that this forum stay mostly women.

I think there are reasonable exceptions. For example, if George Hincapie, whose company manufactures cycling clothing, came here with women's clothing questions and decided to stay because he enjoyed the cycling discussions, I'm OK with that.

But if a guy or guys, cyclist or not, comes here with no reasonable connections to the board, I think we would eventually lose what differentiates this board from other cycling boards. There are subjects discussed freely here that would disappear.

[jeannierides]

Well, I have to add my .02 as well. We all appreciated the updates on Silver, and we all did welcome Mr. Silver... to a point... we DO discuss things on this "Women's Forum" that we'd rather not have a male interject... whether it's tampons, whether to wear thongs or how much weight we've gained... sometimes having a man around to put in his two cents... well, sometimes isn't ok. You gals are right that he has been mostly polite and we've encouraged him... and maybe we've misled him into thinking he could be *the* man on the TE board?? I dunno. I somewhat agree with Queen, and mostly agree with Trek on the hijacked thread....
I have very mixed feelings...

[Kitsune06]

I've been privy to very differing views on this subject, and while I think all are very well-thought out and can see the reasoning, I must post with my input.

I am uncomfortable with gentlemen on this forum in general. This is a women's space, the "Women's Cycling Discussion Forums" as it were. The way I'm seeing past opinions etc as it were is mentally doing a complete role reversal. If I were a woman on "Team Testosterone- the Men's Cycling Discussion Forum" I can't imagine I'd have much to say, but were I married, I'd possibly be into looking up possible answers for my husband, given possible issues he had- though if he were a member as well, I don't know that I could help much.
I don't know if I could contribute very successfully either.

I don't want this to become a precident. In the past, the loving hubbies of most TE members will occasionally, rarely post, and they're great guys. But they respect the formerly unspoken boundaries we have here. They've rarely tarried long.

All that said,

I cannot knowingly be part of any sort of discrimination. To single out, (sorry) Mr. Silver has been very polite. He's been respectful, and open. Such can *not* be said for many of our previous male visitors. Perhaps this is why he's been so well accepted.

So to sum it up, while I don't want this to be a lasting thing, and wish men would in general respect what had previously been unspoken, I cannot fairly say that he 'should leave'. He will in his due time... and until that happens, he's a good guy and we should treat him as such, however we are unnerved by his presence and what it may mean for the future of TE.

[Brandi]

I do not have a problem with mr Silver! And if he becomes a problem then i am sure it will be taken care of (Vito will pay him a visit ). But I don't think to much of it until he becomes rude. But hey we can be just as rude too. Just my opinion.

[Melody]

I also participate on the women's board on bikeforums.net.

heh. I never knew there was a women's board on bikeforums.net. But then, I don't post there very often. (not that I've been here often lately either though )

I personally don't have a problem with guys on the forum. To me, it's all about people being polite and respectful to each other, no matter the gender. I just don't think most guys would have much to say on some of the subjects we talk about.

Mel

[caligurl]

I also participate on the women's board on bikeforums.net. They debate quarterly (it seems) on whether or not to allow men in. It's a private forum - women are invited in, once it's been established on the public forums that they are, indeed a woman, although it would probably be easy for someone to fake entry. Our forum here is often mentioned, in that this one is open to anyone who wants to drop in. Trying to police it would require more work than Susan O., or Jeff, would probably want to take on. I have a feeling that most men gradually lose interest in our issues. This IS a public forum, and we have to deal with that fact.

there is a HUGE difference, though..... THIS forum is WAY better moderatoed than the forums at BF are.... since this is a women's forum.... for the most part the boys stay away.... whereas at BF you have all the boys who are already there spouting off their garbage... posting pics of 1/2 naked women.... beind sexiest and dirty..... it would be a nightmare to control... they can't control the co-ed forums from the smut and trash!

yes this forum is public.... but it's also well moderated and advertised as a women's forum.... so most men can't be bothered to show up... if they cause trouble they are booted....

heck.... look at the trouble in the closed BF forum when we had a male moderator for a short time! YIKES!!!!! it's just a different "crowd" there than here....

[Dianyla]

Chiming in late (as usual ) with two random thoughts:

The women's only locker room analogy simply doesn't work, since our "locker room" happens to have glass windows.

Team Estrogen focuses on selling women's cycling equipment and apparel. My brother has big thighs and happens to prefer the way that the women's PI Microsensor shorts fit around the legholes. Should Men be barred from buying women's cycling clothes?

[East Hill]

there is a HUGE difference, though..... THIS forum is WAY better moderatoed than the forums at BF are.... since this is a women's forum.... for the most part the boys stay away.... whereas at BF you have all the boys who are already there spouting off their garbage... posting pics of 1/2 naked women.... beind sexiest and dirty..... it would be a nightmare to control... they can't control the co-ed forums from the smut and trash!

yes this forum is public.... but it's also well moderated and advertised as a women's forum.... so most men can't be bothered to show up... if they cause trouble they are booted....

heck.... look at the trouble in the closed BF forum when we had a male moderator for a short time! YIKES!!!!! it's just a different "crowd" there than here....

I hadn't visited this thread in a while, and it's taken an interesting turn. I don't belong to the 'closed' forum at BF, and probably never will. I can't believe that someone would put a guy in charge of a woman only closed forum, but it does seem to go with my having noticed that there are some not so good moderators over there. How many female moderators are there? One? Two? Koffee got chased out, partially because she wouldn't allow them to post their filth.

You are absolutely correct, this forum is well moderated, and no, the co-ed forums over there are not moderated for smut and trash. I sometimes wonder what is going on over there. I know I have logged on in the wee hours of the morning, reported spammers, and three hours later, the spammers are still there but a moderator's been on all night, posting gaily away.

Moderators have responsibilities. The moderators here do their jobs very well. And, our mods here are inobtrusive. I don't ever remember seeing a mod appear. But when I've reported spam on a few occasions, it's disappeared shortly thereafter. If it were only so in other places. I don't know about the rest of you, but I like well moderated forums.

It seems like any discussion of a women's health or clothing issue there turns into a thread to post pornographic images of women.

I don't want to see women sitting naked on bicycle saddles. I don't need comments about, well 'that's what I'd rather be following' showing a woman's rear end. We're here (and there) to learn about our passion for bicycles. If you have a passion for pornography involving bicycles and women, please set up your own private smut board. There are such things as 'members only' fora. But don't post it in public, on a site which is considered 'child friendly'.

There's also the more subtle issue of opinions posted by females from a female-specific perspective being totally dumped on.

It's sad, but true. Does anyone else remember the infamous thread about long distance randonneuring in Canada, and how it turned into a 'you should carry a gun' never mind that the OP stated quite specifically that she was in CANADA?

It doesn't even need to be a discussion of women's clothing in order to be turned into something with inappropriate images--there's a relatively recent thread about the wearing of championship jerseys in the general cycling forum. One of the last comments was

"I agree. Some people shouldn't wear championship jerseys."

and showed a photo of a woman wearing bibs. Not wearing anything on top, and holding her arms so that you thought her elbows were her breasts. I couldn't view the thread after that.

Perhaps the owner of the other site doesn't care about alienating 25% or more of his membership. All I know is that I get a lot more respect here than I do there, I don't have to put up with smarmy smut, and we have far better moderators.

East Hill

[caligurl]

I hadn't visited this thread in a while, and it's taken an interesting turn. I don't belong to the 'closed' forum at BF, and probably never will. I can't believe that someone would put a guy in charge of a woman only closed forum, but it does seem to go with my having noticed that there are some not so good moderators over there. How many female moderators are there? One? Two? Koffee got chased out, partially because she wouldn't allow them to post their filth.

WAS lol! it's now moderated by two lovely ladies.... (yes... the only two female moderators that i'm aware of) although, of course i'm sure joe (owner of the forum) has acces if he wants it.... i just found out it's his girlfriend who actually gives the women the "secret handshake" and not joe himself! so it appears even he distances himself!

there is really nothing going on in there and no reason not to at least get access! it's probably the slowest forum on that site! but i check it out just to see if there are any questions cuz there ARE ladies in there who have stated they won't venture into the other areas (they really need to come over here!!!!)

You are absolutely correct, this forum is well moderated, and no, the co-ed forums over there are not moderated for smut and trash. I sometimes wonder what is going on over there. I know I have logged on in the wee hours of the morning, reported spammers, and three hours later, the spammers are still there but a moderator's been on all night, posting gaily away.

Moderators have responsibilities. The moderators here do their jobs very well. And, our mods here are inobtrusive. I don't ever remember seeing a mod appear. But when I've reported spam on a few occasions, it's disappeared shortly thereafter. If it were only so in other places. I don't know about the rest of you, but I like well moderated forums.



I don't want to see women sitting naked on bicycle saddles. I don't need comments about, well 'that's what I'd rather be following' showing a woman's rear end. We're here (and there) to learn about our passion for bicycles. If you have a passion for pornography involving bicycles and women, please set up your own private smut board. There are such things as 'members only' fora. But don't post it in public, on a site which is considered 'child friendly'.



It's sad, but true. Does anyone else remember the infamous thread about long distance randonneuring in Canada, and how it turned into a 'you should carry a gun' never mind that the OP stated quite specifically that she was in CANADA?

It doesn't even need to be a discussion of women's clothing in order to be turned into something with inappropriate images--there's a relatively recent thread about the wearing of championship jerseys in the general cycling forum. One of the last comments was

"I agree. Some people shouldn't wear championship jerseys."

and showed a photo of a woman wearing bibs. Not wearing anything on top, and holding her arms so that you thought her elbows were her breasts. I couldn't view the thread after that.

Perhaps the owner of the other site doesn't care about alienating 25% or more of his membership. All I know is that I get a lot more respect here than I do there, I don't have to put up with smarmy smut, and we have far better moderators.

i can't even add anything to the above... except to say you've basically covered it! i agree wholeheartedly! i, too, am one that cannot stand the smut.... (i don't mind chit chat... but the smut (images AND words) just has NO part in a BICYCLING forum!)

[LBTC]

Hey, everyone

You have come to be my friends, my cycling buddies, and I feel like I am a part of a real community here, a community that I have not yet found where I live. The conversations here are insightful, generally supportive, often, but not always, about cycling, and often inspiring. I continually feel grateful to be welcome here.

My DH posted here once - I had posted a concern about his health, and we were overwhelmed by the positive wishes and prayers that were sent his way. He felt privileged to post his thanks to all of you, and his report that the cancer scare, was, in fact, a scare, and all was well. I tell him often about some of the interesting threads, sometimes ask him for technical advice when someone is seeking it, but he doesn't read the forum directly, and doesn't feel it is his place to post here.

That said, he's got as many online friends and community elsewhere as I have here, and he gets what he needs from them.

It seems that this is a bit of a delicate topic for some of us, and I can understand that. Many good points were raised in the other thread, the underlying thought seeming to be that men have lots of other forums, why hang out here?

In general, I agree that if this were to be a truly co-ed forum I may not feel as comfortable here, and may not spend much time here.

But part of me really hates the idea of "allowing" or "not allowing" a whole group of people to be here ever, just because of their gender.

I would hate to think that under new rules, in a similar situation, my DH would have been prevented from posting his thanks, or that another caring DH would have not been able to give us updates on our sister's progress recovering from an injury.

But when speaking of Mr. Silver, I haven't yet read a post that wasn't respectful, interesting, humourous, supportive or helpful....he's done nothing that should single him out to be kept out of the forum.

It is interesting that he is posting so much, but I do understand this. He spends his weeks away from home and he's just embarked on a difficult weight loss journey. He's very focussed on his food intake and exercise output, and is encouraged by the support and acceptance he's found here....it's hard to go hang out with the boys when you're trying to lose weight.

This is an extremely difficult question and I'm not sure how it will be resolved. If the question requires a yes or no answer, without any specifics, I would still have to answer yes....

Good luck to our moderators!!

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~