*sigh* Wedding planning

[mimitabby]

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We want to go from the ceremony to the reception venue (about 2-3 km) on our bikes and attach cans at the back! No transportation fees (but about 20 dollars to decorate the bikes!) Music will also be a DIY affair. I'm hoping to find a musician friend for the ceremony itself, though. Photographs? We'll see what happens.

big hug to all you ladies! you really lifted my spirits there!

gosh, i was hoping you'd get your bikes involved somehow!!


Wahine, a surprise wedding, if that doesn't take ALL! and thanks for the info about diamonds. I have never liked them and now I feel so much wiser for knowing the rest of the story!

[Wahine]

Hey Grog,

I'm attaching my step daughter's website. She's a photog and does fantastic, non-conventional stuff. Not only that, her brother lives in Vancouver and I'm sure she would love to use this as an opportunity to visit family.

Warning, she's very popular in the LA trendy young people's scene so I doubt that she's cheap. I have no idea what she charges but her stuff is amazing.

http://www.photographybyhelene.com/

Check it out. She studied Fine Arts at UVic, so even if you don't want to hire her she made have a suggestion for a local contact.

[SouthernBelle]

Wedding cupcakes. There are tiered stands to put them on and you can even put the bride and groom thingie at the top.

[matagi]

For our wedding, we had a cocktail reception rather than a sit down meal. A little cheaper foodwise, and if you also restrict the drinks choices then the beverage bill isn't too shocking.

We had a pianist playing music in the background, a few chairs around the walls for people to sit on if they needed to and everyone just mingled and chatted and generally had a nice time.

As a wedding cake, we had a croquembouche (basically a pyramid made of custard filled choux pastry balls, decorated with spun sugar)

As others have suggested, go with things that you want - don't try and do things because that's what other people expect. It is YOUR day, YOU are the one getting married so celebrate it in a way that has meaning for you and your fiance.

[Crankin]

Make sure you do what you REALLY want, and don't just do something because you want something "different." My husband and I met, dated, moved in with each other, and got engaged in a 3 month time span! It was August and we decided to get married in March, but the rabbi couldn't do the ceremony because he was going skiing during spring break... so we moved it up to Dec. 8. I had been married before and both sets of parents moved out of state within 2 weeks of our engagement. We toyed with having a small luncheon at a hotel in Scottsdale (this was long before there were any hotels in Tempe), but I just didn't have it in me to plan this without help. We had the $, but I hate thinking about centerpieces, flowers, etc. So, we had the ceremony at our apartment. There were maybe 20 people there. We each had one attendant; no other friends. My mom made appetizers and we had champagne right after the ceremony. Then we had a dinner at a restaurant that was owned by friends of my husband's parents. We had a very small typical wedding cake. The restaurant was nice, on top of a bank building. I bought my dress at the Limited and it was just a regular street length, off white party dress and my husband bought a nice suit. My mom went to the Japanese Flower growers on Baseline Rd. and we put together bouquets and the men's flowers. My brother, who was 15 at the time, and a talented photographer took the pictures. After the dinner we went into the bar/lounge and danced to the music that was being played by a live band.
I agree that spending thousands is ridiculous. But we regretted not having something where we invited all of our friends. I just was too lazy to do the planning. It IS just a day, but make it yours. When our sons had their Bar Mitzvahs, we did exactly what we had wanted to do at our wedding: we had a luncheon at a local restaurant that is only open for functions on Sat. afternoons. We spent the money on the food and the DJ, because that is what people remember. We did the flowers ourselves and spent little on the invitations. Both parties were really fun and we have no regrets about doing them.

[Bikingmomof3]

We had a very small ceremony at home with each set of parents, best friends, and a sibling or two. Then we threw a big party at a place with a great view (on Magnolia Bluff, water and mountain view here in Seattle). We brought our own stuff for drinks, made music tapes of our favorite stuff (reggae, Aretha, Talking Heads, etc.), had a close friend who was a professional baker make our cake for us, had caterers bring hors d'oeuvres only, had a few friends taking pictures. No flowers, no pro photos, no fuss, everyone had a blast, no stress at all.

I guess the reason it all worked is because, while we didn't want to spend a lot or have the high stress of planning a formal wedding, neither did we want to deprive everyone of the big party--so we managed to find a way to do all those things in combination. It worked really well and everyone has good memories of it.

Mine was very similar. Very small ceremony. My SIL made the flower arrangements. We had a small cake and then had a big party that evening. It was a very low key, low budget, and we all had a blast!

[xeney]

Grog, on the other side of things: don't let anyone make you feel bad for doing the catering thing. I got some grief about how if we were trying to keep it simple, why were we having the party at a restaurant and serving a meal, why didn't we just have people over to our house? Well, because I have a job and only one bathroom! Our venue provided a wedding planner, which sounds crazy and over the top, but she was actually a sweet 80-year-old volunteer who helped me pick the menu, stage managed everything behind the scenes, told us where to put the speakers, and basically took all the stress and pressure off of us. Having it catered meant I just pointed at a menu and said, "I want that." Having it at a restaurant meant I didn't have to clean up. Having it at a restaurant meant I didn't have to decorate or rent chairs and tablecloths and all that stuff.

It wasn't a $500 event -- I think the final tally was closer to $5,000 -- but it was the best balance we found between low-key, and not making ourselves crazy. Sometimes it can be even MORE work to keep everything deliberately low-key. (Like invitations. All my friends are crafty and spent weeks and weeks making their own "simple" invitations. I didn't even want to deal with fighting a laser printer, so for me it was worth it to order them from a printer.)

[pooks]

Grog -- I think you've probably already covered this, but I just thought I'd ditto the part about being sure your partner gets a shot at what he wants. You said he wanted some of the traditional stuff -- find out what it is he thinks is important. Then you won't be doing it for the expectations of others -- you'll be doing something for him, at a time when he can't.

Sounds like you've got it all covered though, and you'll have a great time!

[Tuckervill]

While there are some things that should not be scrimped on ( like thank you notes) do what you want.

And a photographer! I scrimped on that and I regret it a lot.

Karen

[Grog]

And a photographer! I scrimped on that and I regret it a lot.

That's the one that keeps me pondering right now. If we're going to hire someone, we're going to try to find someone good. The only decent photographer in my surroundings is my father-in-law, and I don't want him to be taking photographs during the ceremony!!! (Plus, he's also one of the most photograph-able characters around!!)

My fiancé is not so much 'traditional' as he is not as principled as I am on certain things (like diamonds). I'm probably going to delegate him the task of choosing the photographer. That will make him to look at their portfolios, hence at other weddings. It might be easier for him then to form his own minds on things he wants or not...

Thanks you all for your support! I hope writing these posts brought back nice memories.

[Meaux]

I totally agree with xeney. You should not not do something just because it is conventional. (Bad grammar.) Do what feels good to you guys. DH bought be a great book that has some FANTASTIC suggestions: The Knot's Guide to Weddings in the Real World. This book was full of EVERYTHING wedding, and not just conventional type weddings. It also gives great advise, in terms of disagreements with in-laws, friends, and even your fiance. Let me know if you need any help or advise, I just did this a little over a year ago, I know what it is to fight with people to get what you want. Again, remember, it's you guys' day/wedding, not someone else's.
I'm totally going to pull out my wedding pictures now and I'm going to get all sappy. Poor DH.

[Irulan]

And a photographer! I scrimped on that and I regret it a lot.

Karen

lol, forgot that. A friend of hubby's offered to do pics and he got so high he over exposed much of the film. The guy who showed up with a cam corder was more interetested in my SIL than the wedding. OTOH, lots of folks took candids and we did get great photos. Just not formal ones.

This is guy is in the Puget Sound area, travels in the and he does amazing wedding work. The site is amazing.
http://www.derekpearson.com/

[Trekhawk]

LOL - glad Im not the only one that finds the whole full on wedding reception thing a bit much. My Mum and Dad really wanted a big traditional wedding reception for me but I just couldnt cope with that and all the expense that goes with it. My husband and I decided on a cocktail party as our wedding reception with lots of wonderful drinks and lovely Hors D'oruvres provided throughout the evening by waiters on lovely platters. The venue overlooked the ocean and it was just perfect. I couldnt cope with the whole big cake thing so we opted for a Croquembouche. The great thing about these is that its made for the amount of guests you are having so there is normally no left overs to deal with and the price (at least for us in Aust) was a lot more reasonable than a big traditional cake.

Check out Croquembouche and Profiterole cakes here
http://www.brunetti.com.au/WeddingCakes.html#wedding

I cant believe so many people end up in debt or drain their savings for huge weddings it just seems odd to me.

Good luck with the wedding plans.

[KnottedYet]

I totally agree with xeney. You should not not do something just because it is conventional. (Bad grammar.) Do what feels good to you guys. DH bought be a great book that has some FANTASTIC suggestions: The Knot's Guide to Weddings in the Real World. This book was full of EVERYTHING wedding, and not just conventional type weddings. It also gives great advise, in terms of disagreements with in-laws, friends, and even your fiance. Let me know if you need any help or advise, I just did this a little over a year ago, I know what it is to fight with people to get what you want. Again, remember, it's you guys' day/wedding, not someone else's.
I'm totally going to pull out my wedding pictures now and I'm going to get all sappy. Poor DH.

Gee, who knew I'd written a book on weddings? <hee hee >

If you can somehow arrange photographs, please do. Either by hiring a photographer or by putting disposables around for guests to take pics that you develop and keep. So many sad stories of The Wedding Pictures That Weren't!

[ribbit_zap]

The cookie idea is really cool and would be inexpensive. I just might steal that idea... I am currently planning a wedding too and dealing with the whole "wedding expectations". I don't want a super expensive dress or flowers or food. We decided that it is our day and we should be happy, whatever that equates to. We are probably going to spend more money on the honeymoon than the wedding! Good luck with all the planning!