*sigh* Wedding planning

[Bad JuJu]

Our wedding was very much like Salsa's, with a few minor differences. You just have to be insistent about getting what you want, which isn't so different from what most brides do--it's just that you're demanding less rather than more.

We got married at my parents' house, in the town where I grew up, and the mayor married us. Afterwards, we had a big party right there--fortunately my folks lived in an old but large house, with a nice backyard, and the August weather cooperated nicely. DH and I used to skydive, so we put a couple of our old parachute canopies up over the backyard, along with some balloons and bows, to make it look more festive. We played tapes of our favorite music--assigned a cousin to handle the tunes. For photos, we asked my brother and a couple of friends to take random pictures. My grandmother had known the baker, so he honored our request for a simple cake--still looked like a wedding cake but he didn't go crazy with it. As far as I could tell, everybody had a great time.

We must've done something right--we celebrated our 25th anniversary last August.

[Irulan]

Do not, and I repeat do not get sucked into pleasing others. It is YOUR wedding, not anyone elses. Get your spouse on the same page and be team when it comes to pressure to do certain things. While there are some things that should not be scrimped on ( like thank you notes) do what you want. Save your $$ for a new bike or a down payment on a house.

I had an outdoors blue grass wedding. We rented a group campsite at a state park. The reception was pot luck. I wore my grandmothers wedding dress. I just happened, at the time, to jam with a bunch of guys in a blue grass band who agreed to play for $100. My sister just happened to work at a bakery.

I think the whole thing cost us $500.

just for grins, go to the wedding ettiquette hell website.
http://www.etiquettehell.com/content...eh_index.shtml

[xeney]

I agree with everyone else: you just do it. Our situation was different because we got married on a whim at our friend's house on New Year's Eve, but we did have a reception a few months later for family and friends. It was smallish for a wedding -- about 75 people -- and very informal, but it was one of the best days of my life, and I am glad we did it our way.

We figured out what we wanted, and what we didn't want, and we stuck to it. The hardest part was the two of us agreeing on things: I thought it might be nice to have a photographer, he thought that was over the top. I caved on that one. I had a fun idea for favors, he thought those were too weddingy, but he caved on that one. Neither of us wanted a "wedding cake" (and the price tag would have scared us off anyway), so we each picked a fabulous cake from the best bakery in town, and we just bought two sheet cakes. We had them cut in the kitchen so that we would not have to make a production out of cutting the cake/feeding each other. My husband wanted music but neither of us wanted to deal with a band or an obnoxious DJ, so he rented audio equipment and I made the song list on my iPod.

We held the party at a restaurant that is run by a local children's home -- it's all volunteer, and they put on weddings and events and all the proceeds go back to the children's home. The food was fine, not gourmet by any means, but wedding food is always wedding food unless you are willing to spend an absolute fortune. We had decent wine and beer and champagne. My nieces wanted to be flower girls, so we said what the heck, we aren't having a wedding but we can have flower girls. They got to dress up and carry buckets of rose petals, which they threw at the feet of all the guests. The ladies from the children's home were our waitresses, and they were so sweet, everybody loved them. Lots of guests made a point of telling us they had made donations to the children's home because they'd enjoyed the party so much.

Our moms and my sisters-in-law did the flowers. Our dads did the toasts and set up the audio equipment. I bought a simple dress that I love to pieces, and we told our guests to wear whatever they wanted ... some of my friends went all out with vintage dresses and outrageous hats, and some people wore shorts, and a few dressed up for real. It was an excellent time, and if I had it to do over again, I would do it all exactly the same way.

That is the answer. You just figure out what you want, and you do it, and you roll your eyes at anyone who tells you that you are doing it wrong.

[LBTC]

DH and I ran away from small town BC to get married on the steps of the art gallery in Vancouver (it used to be the courthouse), at noon on a Friday which happened to be our 5th anniversary. We each had one person stand up for us, and had a friend take pictures (which disappeared before we could get any prints, good thing the "best man" took a few!).

My dress was a gift from a friend and my maid of honour - MoH bought the fabric, friend made it for me. We bought the flowers locally and I just wrapped a small bouquet with the same netting my veil was made from.

About 3 weeks later we had a party back at home. I think there were around 75 people. It was semi-potluck - not everyone brought food, but we didn't do it all ourselves, either. It was BYOB. One friend ran a DJ service at the time and his wedding gift to us was the DJ service for the night. heh Neither of us can remember if we had a cake! heehee. The only tradition I wanted was the first dance with DH, then the second dance where both his parents and my parents would dance also.....his parents refused to dance, so that was that.

What I realized was - a wedding, even though it's your day, even if you are somewhat untraditional, will not be a great chance to catch up with all those wonderful people who travel to be at your wedding. I felt like I barely got to visit with anyone!

As for the rings - DH was training to be a cabinet maker so he made me the engagement ring out of wood. He had to make several because, no matter how careful you are with a laminated wood ring, it will eventually break. Our wedding bands are matching European yellow gold bands that were his grandparent's. I've simply never really liked diamonds...

Do your wedding your way. Include any traditions that are meaningful to you and to your DH to Be. Keep it simple. After all, the wedding is the ritual to memorialize the beginning of your married life together. While the ritual is important, the marriage itself is far more important.

There are many many many beautiful places in Vancouver that you could be married, especially if there is not a large crowd. And there are many many ways you could ritualize this celebration.

Hike up the Grouse grind and be married at the top (people who don't want to hike can still get there). Or kayak along false creek and be married on the water. Bike through the endowment lands and be married at a view point. As a fairly frequent visitor to Vancouver, my favourite spot is the Granville Island Hotel. I can see a beautiful wedding on the grassy knoll there.........there are so many ways to do this I hope you can find a way that will be *fun*!!

Keep us posted!

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[Wahine]

Grog, I feel your pain.

My DH and I decided to get married after we had been a couple and living togaether for 9 years. It was important to his parents that we get married - they are quite traditional and also older and were worried that they wouldn't make it to see the BIG day.

DH and I didn't want it to be this big deal, we didn't want presents, we didn't want the expense and we certainly didn't want the pressure from any family memebers. In 2000 we got a call from his sister to say that as she had hosted their father's 75th birthday party, it was up to us to host the 80th. This meant getting his parents to agree to come to our city of residence at the time (Edmonton, AB) from California because we could not travel at that time of the year. Summary: a week later we had his immediate family, including his 2 children from a previous marriage lined up to come to Edmonton. My Mom, dad and one sister came (for my father in-law's birthday party), they lived in the area so it was easy to get them to come.

So the next morning while we were walking our dog, DH turns to me and says "Everyone will be here, let's have a surprise wedding." So that's what we did. I had a dress made that was a "Ball gown" and done in light gold satin in stead of white, much cheaper than a wedding dress, we had a friend that lives in Jasper AB make our wedding bands for us and they were spectacular (she's a great artisan and I can give you her contact information if you like, she's also relatively cheap), our triathlon training buddy, who is also a lawyer married us, we each had one person stand up for us, we leased out a favorite restaurant for the night and voila, we had a fabulous wedding with everything that we wanted and no arguements with family.

The meal was expensive as it was gourmet but we only had about 25 guests so it wasn't a big deal. We had another friend play the cello for the ceremony (a celtic hand fasting ceremony where we wrote our own vows and kept to 10 min) and for the cocktail hour afterward. Then we had our own music, Billy Holiday, Etta James, that sort of thing. And as for cake, we had a dessert buffet that went over really well. We were also able to invite more friends for the dessert part at only 7 dollars a head. We asked our friends that were "in the know" to bring cameras and take photos which worked out great. Most brought point and shoots but we had one friend who brought an SLR and did black and Whites - no posing just candids. The next day this same friend did our official outside wedding shots (we had to get dressed up again). We did not have a dance, we just all hung out in the restaurant and visited. It was fantastic. I would not have changed a thing.

I did not have a engagement ring for the reasons other people have listed. Also, did you know that the "tradition" of the engagement diamond was a marketing ploy started by the Debeers diamond company sometime in the 40's in an effort to increase diamond sales. Boy did it work!!

Other non-trad, budget conscious ideas from friends:

- an engagement puppy
- wedding favors of home made cookies packaged nicely in chinese take-out boxes
- wedding dress ordered off the internet from China for 3 dollars (my friend ordered 5 and chose one, gave the other 4 away or to Good Will)
- a pyramid of creme puffs for a wedding cake made by an aunt
- single gerber daisies in small vases bought from a dollar store for table flowers

Good luck with your wedding planning. Stick to your guns and as much as people may grumble about your non-traditional decisions, they'll all have fun anyway and they'll talk about it for years - ours still does.

[Grog]

Other non-trad, budget conscious ideas from friends:

- an engagement puppy
- wedding favors of home made cookies packaged nicely in chinese take-out boxes
- wedding dress ordered off the internet from China for 3 dollars (my friend ordered 5 and chose one, gave the other 4 away or to Good Will)
- a pyramid of creme puffs for a wedding cake made by an aunt
- single gerber daisies in small vases bought from a dollar store for table flowers

Wow these are awesome!!! I have been talking about wedding cookies for a while!

We're not goign to get a puppy, but it's really a cute gift, and one that might be much more meaningful! (And quite durable too.)

[SouthernBelle]

Wedding cupcakes. There are tiered stands to put them on and you can even put the bride and groom thingie at the top.

[matagi]

For our wedding, we had a cocktail reception rather than a sit down meal. A little cheaper foodwise, and if you also restrict the drinks choices then the beverage bill isn't too shocking.

We had a pianist playing music in the background, a few chairs around the walls for people to sit on if they needed to and everyone just mingled and chatted and generally had a nice time.

As a wedding cake, we had a croquembouche (basically a pyramid made of custard filled choux pastry balls, decorated with spun sugar)

As others have suggested, go with things that you want - don't try and do things because that's what other people expect. It is YOUR day, YOU are the one getting married so celebrate it in a way that has meaning for you and your fiance.

[Crankin]

Make sure you do what you REALLY want, and don't just do something because you want something "different." My husband and I met, dated, moved in with each other, and got engaged in a 3 month time span! It was August and we decided to get married in March, but the rabbi couldn't do the ceremony because he was going skiing during spring break... so we moved it up to Dec. 8. I had been married before and both sets of parents moved out of state within 2 weeks of our engagement. We toyed with having a small luncheon at a hotel in Scottsdale (this was long before there were any hotels in Tempe), but I just didn't have it in me to plan this without help. We had the $, but I hate thinking about centerpieces, flowers, etc. So, we had the ceremony at our apartment. There were maybe 20 people there. We each had one attendant; no other friends. My mom made appetizers and we had champagne right after the ceremony. Then we had a dinner at a restaurant that was owned by friends of my husband's parents. We had a very small typical wedding cake. The restaurant was nice, on top of a bank building. I bought my dress at the Limited and it was just a regular street length, off white party dress and my husband bought a nice suit. My mom went to the Japanese Flower growers on Baseline Rd. and we put together bouquets and the men's flowers. My brother, who was 15 at the time, and a talented photographer took the pictures. After the dinner we went into the bar/lounge and danced to the music that was being played by a live band.
I agree that spending thousands is ridiculous. But we regretted not having something where we invited all of our friends. I just was too lazy to do the planning. It IS just a day, but make it yours. When our sons had their Bar Mitzvahs, we did exactly what we had wanted to do at our wedding: we had a luncheon at a local restaurant that is only open for functions on Sat. afternoons. We spent the money on the food and the DJ, because that is what people remember. We did the flowers ourselves and spent little on the invitations. Both parties were really fun and we have no regrets about doing them.

[pooks]

Grog -- I think you've probably already covered this, but I just thought I'd ditto the part about being sure your partner gets a shot at what he wants. You said he wanted some of the traditional stuff -- find out what it is he thinks is important. Then you won't be doing it for the expectations of others -- you'll be doing something for him, at a time when he can't.

Sounds like you've got it all covered though, and you'll have a great time!

[Tuckervill]

While there are some things that should not be scrimped on ( like thank you notes) do what you want.

And a photographer! I scrimped on that and I regret it a lot.

Karen

[Grog]

And a photographer! I scrimped on that and I regret it a lot.

That's the one that keeps me pondering right now. If we're going to hire someone, we're going to try to find someone good. The only decent photographer in my surroundings is my father-in-law, and I don't want him to be taking photographs during the ceremony!!! (Plus, he's also one of the most photograph-able characters around!!)

My fiancé is not so much 'traditional' as he is not as principled as I am on certain things (like diamonds). I'm probably going to delegate him the task of choosing the photographer. That will make him to look at their portfolios, hence at other weddings. It might be easier for him then to form his own minds on things he wants or not...

Thanks you all for your support! I hope writing these posts brought back nice memories.

[Meaux]

I totally agree with xeney. You should not not do something just because it is conventional. (Bad grammar.) Do what feels good to you guys. DH bought be a great book that has some FANTASTIC suggestions: The Knot's Guide to Weddings in the Real World. This book was full of EVERYTHING wedding, and not just conventional type weddings. It also gives great advise, in terms of disagreements with in-laws, friends, and even your fiance. Let me know if you need any help or advise, I just did this a little over a year ago, I know what it is to fight with people to get what you want. Again, remember, it's you guys' day/wedding, not someone else's.
I'm totally going to pull out my wedding pictures now and I'm going to get all sappy. Poor DH.

[Irulan]

And a photographer! I scrimped on that and I regret it a lot.

Karen

lol, forgot that. A friend of hubby's offered to do pics and he got so high he over exposed much of the film. The guy who showed up with a cam corder was more interetested in my SIL than the wedding. OTOH, lots of folks took candids and we did get great photos. Just not formal ones.

This is guy is in the Puget Sound area, travels in the and he does amazing wedding work. The site is amazing.
http://www.derekpearson.com/

[mimitabby]

lol, forgot that. A friend of hubby's offered to do pics and he got so high he over exposed much of the film. The guy who showed up with a cam corder was more interetested in my SIL than the wedding. OTOH, lots of folks took candids and we did get great photos. Just not formal ones.

sigh, true confessions; I had a very nice friend who was getting married. I told him if he paid for a new superflash attachment for my camera that I would take photos. I had previously taken lots of pictures, been published a couple times, and made some money taking photos for friends.. So I figured I could do a great job for him...but... I did not understand my new flash well enough... the battery didn't charge enough... all the photos were underexposed. It was heartbreaking.

my own wedding same kind of deal; well meaning friends took mostly blurry shots but they were better than nothing.