umm a ? about E D?

[Brandi]

Some good responses here and a lot of different things to think about. I am going to talk with our Dr since we both have the same one and see if he can't approach my husband in a informative way. He is supposed to go in for he's next check up soon. And the meds do seem to mess with him. He would rather not be on meds at all. But it seems to be genetic. Cause he exsercises and watch's what he eats soooo.....
I have been a bit worried that maybe it was me, but I know better. So I think talking to my Dr about advise on how to handle this gently with him might be the right thing.

[anakiwa]

Brandi-

A couple of thoughts.

Your husband should definitely talk to his doctor (and believe me it won't be the first time his doctor has had a conversation on the topic). Encourage him to bring up the issue first thing during his next visit (if he's nervous and waits until the very last minute there may not be time to adequately discuss it). It's fine if you want to talk to the doctor, but it's his body and he's the one who really needs to have the conversation.

Blood pressure meds can definitely cause ED. That said, not controlling high blood pressure is not a particularly good idea. It might be worth trying a different med though.

High blood pressure is not a contraindication to taking meds for ED (active chest pain or nitrate use definitely would be though). If it's something that your husband and you want to try, talk to the doctor and get his/her opinion.

Lastly, don't be afraid to talk about this- there are more people out there than you think whose sex lives are less than perfect.

[Canyonlands]

Hi Brandi,

Noodle's DH here. I'm 41 and have never had trouble in this area. I'm not on meds aside from acid reflux and asthma. Furthermore, you know your hubbie better than anyone on the board hopefully. That said, I'd really think he'd want to be the one bringing it up (so to speak) with the Doc. I would have to believe he's planning to even if he may be playing down his concern with you. Speaking strictly for myself, there's no way I'd let this go past a consultation without mention. See if you can confirm that this is your husband's intent.

Ron

[Brandi]

I agree with what everyone is saying. Just for the record I don't have a lot of people I can talk to about this. All of you don't know me so for some reason it is easier then talking to people we are always around. I would feel wierd if we were with friends and having them wonder "I wonder if they are ok", "I wonder if their problem has been worked out". Sometimes the comfort of strangers is the way to go with certain subjects. Does that make any since?

[mimitabby]

yes. it makes plenty of sense. we're more or less anonymous. My dh was on zoloft for 2 years. it ruined our sex life for that time. it was awful. Now we're both older so it isn't as important. You never mentioned his age or yours so I've been kind of hesitating. Sex is nice, but as we get older, it loses some of its glamour and interest. and other things replace it (like affection and social interactions)

[Brandi]

Hi Brandi,

Noodle's DH here. I'm 41 and have never had trouble in this area. I'm not on meds aside from acid reflux and asthma. Furthermore, you know your hubbie better than anyone on the board hopefully. That said, I'd really think he'd want to be the one bringing it up (so to speak) with the Doc. I would have to believe he's planning to even if he may be playing down his concern with you. Speaking strictly for myself, there's no way I'd let this go past a consultation without mention. See if you can confirm that this is your husband's intent.

Ron

I was going to talk to the Dr for myself not for my dh. Just how I can handle it. And then maybe when my dh goes to see him the Dr can say something like, " In case you didn't already know , that medication your on can cause problems with..." Then the subject is on the table. You know what I mean? There will be an opening for him to bring it up if he wants to. I love my dh dearly and truley believe deep in my heart "For better or worse" I just want him to have a good normal life.

[Dianyla]

I was going to talk to the Dr for myself not for my dh. Just how I can handle it. And then maybe when my dh goes to see him the Dr can say something like, " In case you didn't already know , that medication your on can cause problems with..." Then the subject is on the table. You know what I mean? There will be an opening for him to bring it up if he wants to.

Even though you two are husband and wife and share the same doctor, this essentially boils down to asking your doctor to breach patient confidentiality and trust.

[Duck on Wheels]

Just to insert a positive thought ... My dh also has a hereditery (sp?) high bp problem. He is also on various meds, one of which seemed to be doing the job for a few years without interfering in our love life, but then his bp rose again. So the doc put him on another, which while not interfering a whole lot (a little maybe, but not a lot) also didn't bring his bp down. Still, dh is slim and fit and wasn't all that worried. For his 60th birthday he treated himself to a 10-day hike in the Chinese Himalayas. And when he came back, his bp had fallen So now his doc agrees that the prescription dh needs is for an occasional high-elevation hiking holiday And meanwhile, we're waiting to see how long the drop in bp lasts.

[Brandi]

A couple of you have asked our age. I am 38 and my dh is 48.

[Mr. Bloom]

Brandi, silver asked me last night why I didn't respond here...I must have overlooked this thread. Sorry.

First, I am 43...and I KNOW first hand what your DH is experiencing. I assure you that this is something that strikes to the core of a man's self perception and one that should be handled with sensitivity. Having said that, I'm a transparent guy and didn't hesitate to confront it with my Dr.

The focus in the responses is on BP medication. There are other potential causes...low testosterone, nerve damage from biking, normal aging, life's stresses (generally my problem), and so on.

I encourage you each to be careful about being "kinda weird with each other". The fact is that as you age, you'll be confronted with this more often and you don't want weirdness to rule the day. One way might be to know how you'll respond before this happens and divert the activity to other mutually satisfying options. Many men enjoy satisfying their wives in other ways.

I also encourage you to not 'take the bull by the horns' on this one. Please make him feel the unconditional love that you've vocalized in this thread. But he's got to be the one to take this to the next step...

I'll add one more thing, ED medications are very misunderstood. They do not CAUSE the arousal, they ENABLE it. Despite cartoon stereotypes, the pill does not arouse you...it still requires the mental desire.

I'm sorry to make this long...I'll gladly answer any other questions you have if you want to pose them here.

[Trek420]

Just to insert a positive thought ...Still, dh is slim and fit and wasn't all that worried. For his 60th birthday he treated himself to a 10-day hike in the Chinese Himalayas. And when he came back, his bp had fallen So now his doc agrees that the prescription dh needs is for an occasional high-elevation hiking holiday And meanwhile, we're waiting to see how long the drop in bp lasts.

sorry for the thread hijack....I want DH's dr "the prescription for your arthritis and bad knees Trek is a weeklong cycling holiday. Here, let me write it out. Yes, it's fully covered by insurance and you'll be excused from work through FMLA, I'll sign the paperwork"