umm a ? about E D?

[Brandi]

This is super personal (but now that we hava guy on the board maybe this will help me).
My dh and i have been together for 20 years. He is 10years older then me. We have always had a good physical relationship but... Well the past year or so there have been a few times when things have not worked right with him. I have never delt with this on any level. And I can tell it bother's him. We kinda talk about it but it is odd for us for some reason. He does have high blood pressure and is taking meds. He bikes all the time like me so he is in good shape. But when it happens we are both kinda weird with eachother and it is awkward. Any advice?

[Brandi]

sorry i should have posted this in the health section!

[Tri Girl]

Brandi, it is a hard topic to talk about. My sister went through this with her DH, and what helped them was going to the doc and talking about it with him. He wound up going on Cialis (I think that's it), and it's made all the difference in their physical relationship.
I would advise that you seek medical help. It might be awkward for him to see his doc, but going is important. There might be other things that need to be looked at medically, and a doc can make sure all is working right and lead him in the right direction.
I hope you get this resolved soon, as I'm sure it's putting unneeded stress on your DH (and you, too).

[Brandi]

Thank you. I know the Dr thing is a good idea. I just don't know if my dh would be able to bring it up to he's Dr. We both seem to play it off as something else every time it happens. We both seem to have no back bone on this subject. and with high blood pressure I don't think you can take those drugs for ed.

[makbike]

Brandi:

Is it possible that ED is a side effect of your husband's high blood pressure medication? When was the last time your husband had a thorough check up? It is an uncomfortable topic to address but it is not one that should be swept under the rug. Please talk to your husband and have him see a doctor.

[Duck on Wheels]

Blood pressure meds can do this. After all, an E is pumped up by blood. My dh is also on blood pressure meds, and this was a potential side effect his doctor talked with him about. I suggest that your dh take this up with his doc next time he's in for a bp check-up. If the bp is under control, then maybe he can reduce the med levels. If not, then he'll have to check with the doc before taking cialis or the like, as it might interact with the bp-regulation. For now, he should assume it's the meds and not himself as such that's causing the problem.

[Dianyla]

For now, he should assume it's the meds and not himself as such that's causing the problem.

Yes, seconding this. Granted, ED already has enough of a psych-out component. The last thing your DH needs is to develop a "complex" about something that probably is 95% medication related.

ETA: In the meantime, he'd better not have Oral Dysfunction.

[Brandi]

Some good responses here and a lot of different things to think about. I am going to talk with our Dr since we both have the same one and see if he can't approach my husband in a informative way. He is supposed to go in for he's next check up soon. And the meds do seem to mess with him. He would rather not be on meds at all. But it seems to be genetic. Cause he exsercises and watch's what he eats soooo.....
I have been a bit worried that maybe it was me, but I know better. So I think talking to my Dr about advise on how to handle this gently with him might be the right thing.

[anakiwa]

Brandi-

A couple of thoughts.

Your husband should definitely talk to his doctor (and believe me it won't be the first time his doctor has had a conversation on the topic). Encourage him to bring up the issue first thing during his next visit (if he's nervous and waits until the very last minute there may not be time to adequately discuss it). It's fine if you want to talk to the doctor, but it's his body and he's the one who really needs to have the conversation.

Blood pressure meds can definitely cause ED. That said, not controlling high blood pressure is not a particularly good idea. It might be worth trying a different med though.

High blood pressure is not a contraindication to taking meds for ED (active chest pain or nitrate use definitely would be though). If it's something that your husband and you want to try, talk to the doctor and get his/her opinion.

Lastly, don't be afraid to talk about this- there are more people out there than you think whose sex lives are less than perfect.

[Canyonlands]

Hi Brandi,

Noodle's DH here. I'm 41 and have never had trouble in this area. I'm not on meds aside from acid reflux and asthma. Furthermore, you know your hubbie better than anyone on the board hopefully. That said, I'd really think he'd want to be the one bringing it up (so to speak) with the Doc. I would have to believe he's planning to even if he may be playing down his concern with you. Speaking strictly for myself, there's no way I'd let this go past a consultation without mention. See if you can confirm that this is your husband's intent.

Ron

[Brandi]

I agree with what everyone is saying. Just for the record I don't have a lot of people I can talk to about this. All of you don't know me so for some reason it is easier then talking to people we are always around. I would feel wierd if we were with friends and having them wonder "I wonder if they are ok", "I wonder if their problem has been worked out". Sometimes the comfort of strangers is the way to go with certain subjects. Does that make any since?

[mimitabby]

yes. it makes plenty of sense. we're more or less anonymous. My dh was on zoloft for 2 years. it ruined our sex life for that time. it was awful. Now we're both older so it isn't as important. You never mentioned his age or yours so I've been kind of hesitating. Sex is nice, but as we get older, it loses some of its glamour and interest. and other things replace it (like affection and social interactions)

[Brandi]

Hi Brandi,

Noodle's DH here. I'm 41 and have never had trouble in this area. I'm not on meds aside from acid reflux and asthma. Furthermore, you know your hubbie better than anyone on the board hopefully. That said, I'd really think he'd want to be the one bringing it up (so to speak) with the Doc. I would have to believe he's planning to even if he may be playing down his concern with you. Speaking strictly for myself, there's no way I'd let this go past a consultation without mention. See if you can confirm that this is your husband's intent.

Ron

I was going to talk to the Dr for myself not for my dh. Just how I can handle it. And then maybe when my dh goes to see him the Dr can say something like, " In case you didn't already know , that medication your on can cause problems with..." Then the subject is on the table. You know what I mean? There will be an opening for him to bring it up if he wants to. I love my dh dearly and truley believe deep in my heart "For better or worse" I just want him to have a good normal life.

[Dianyla]

I was going to talk to the Dr for myself not for my dh. Just how I can handle it. And then maybe when my dh goes to see him the Dr can say something like, " In case you didn't already know , that medication your on can cause problems with..." Then the subject is on the table. You know what I mean? There will be an opening for him to bring it up if he wants to.

Even though you two are husband and wife and share the same doctor, this essentially boils down to asking your doctor to breach patient confidentiality and trust.

[Duck on Wheels]

Just to insert a positive thought ... My dh also has a hereditery (sp?) high bp problem. He is also on various meds, one of which seemed to be doing the job for a few years without interfering in our love life, but then his bp rose again. So the doc put him on another, which while not interfering a whole lot (a little maybe, but not a lot) also didn't bring his bp down. Still, dh is slim and fit and wasn't all that worried. For his 60th birthday he treated himself to a 10-day hike in the Chinese Himalayas. And when he came back, his bp had fallen So now his doc agrees that the prescription dh needs is for an occasional high-elevation hiking holiday And meanwhile, we're waiting to see how long the drop in bp lasts.