Quote Originally Posted by xeney View Post
This thread really depressed me. With my immediate family, we always had a pretty low-key approach to Christmas ... we all tried hard to to buy something the others would like, but if they didn't like it, you'd never really know ... because my mother thought that returning a gift (unless to exchange a size) or regifting was rude and thoughtless, so everybody was just happy and gracious. And they still are that way, so buying and receiving is a pleasure even when they get the gift completely wrong. (I will never know why my mom thought I would love a sweater with a giant parrot on it, but I am pretty sure that this sentence I just typed is the first time I've ever expressed anything negative about that sweater ... which went to the Good Willl over ten years ago.)

But I have another bunch of family members with whom I now exchange gifts, and the attitude is completely different. Everything is always wrong, Christmas is a time of disappointment and resentment, and buying the wrong gift is an opportunity to revisit every real or imagined flaw in the relationship. It is a miserable situation, and a holiday that I used to love is now something that I dread. And the dread starts in early November, because we try so hard to get it right, but we never do.

I have pretty much gotten to the point where I don't even care. I will buy any stupid thing because they aren't going to like it anyway. Which of course makes me the grinch who is ruining Christmas.
Xeney,
You apparently have two completely opposite ends of the spectrum divided into two different family halves. I'm sure it's wonderful to have the first group you describe that is always gracious, just as I'm sure it's awful to deal with and exchange gifts with the second half who find everything to be wrong and are full of resentment towards each other.
For most people it's a combination of varying degrees of compatibility, effort, appreciation, and thoughtfulness. It's not usually all black or white.
We just came from a friend's house this evening where we celebrated a little holiday cheer. We brought 4 perfect red pears and 5 tangerines, nestled in pretty colored tissue in a box as a gift for our friend and her young son. She gifted us with a lovely bag of granola that she made fresh in her kitchen. We sat and had cheese and a glass of local fresh ginger porter we had brought over, talking about life and watching her sew little wool and woodenpeg dolls for her son's xmas present. This is the kind of holiday celebrating and gifting my DH and I prefer to engage in with our close friends and family. But we realize that not everyone has the same ideas and preferences that we do. We don't "get" some people just as they don't "get" us. Sometimes we just have to try to tolerate them anyway.
I suppose it would be better for ALL of us to stop exchanging gifts altogether with people we have problems relating to in one way or another. If this issue is big enough in your life to cause you misery and turn a holiday you used to love into something you dread starting in November, maybe you should consider this option and put your foot down about participating in that debacle of gifting unpleasantness with that part of your family. I wish you luck with alleviating the problem, it's not easy.