Not sure I should even post this.

[emily_in_nc]

Raindrop,

I also missed this thread as I was on vacation when you posted. I am so deeply sorry to hear about your brother. In some way I can relate to what you are going through, because my father was killed in a car accident in Oct. '05, and it was the most devastating experience I have ever had to go through. It was too sudden...too shocking...too wrong...too soon...too overwhelming...too everything. I was a complete emotional basket case for some time afterwards, and even now, I still have my difficult moments. I miss him terribly and always will.

I couldn't ride my bike for nine months after the accident. I just couldn't make myself go back out on the road, the place where my dad was killed. He was in a tiny Honda Civic and didn't stand a chance against a huge pickup, much as we cyclists don't if a motorist doesn't see us. There were some parallels in my mind, so road riding seemed a very scary thing.

I finally started mountain biking, because I missed riding so much. I loved it. I started feeling like myself again. It did wonders for my spirits, and I could hardly wipe the grin off my face. And a couple of months later, I tentatively got back on the road too. I haven't ridden on the road much, but when I did, on roads I felt were safe, I felt good, and found that my fear was very close to being gone. It felt great to be back out there. Just getting out there was the hardest part. I don't know that I will ever ride the way I used to -- it was my main focus of life for a couple of years, but then I had a cycling accident that broke my pelvis, and six months later my Dad's accident changed me forever. But I still enjoy the sport and hanging out here and chatting, riding the trainer, attempting to mountain bike, etc. I am feeling much stronger emotionally today, but it has taken awhile. Healing doesn't happen overnight.

Give yourself time to grieve and heal. There is NO timetable except that of your heart and soul. You will know when it is time to ride again, and your bike will be waiting.

A quote from one of the books I read about sudden death really stuck with me. It said "You don't get over it; you just learn to live with it." I've found that to be true.

I wish you peace.

Emily

[salsabike]

Raindrop---we're still thinking about you, still caring about you. Please just know that.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Raindrop---we're still thinking about you, still caring about you. Please just know that.

Yes, what Salsa said!