Quote Originally Posted by Maury Cohen View Post
I'm planning to go on our local club ride tomorrow. This was the same 2nd Friday ride that Kathy was headed to when she left us. I may take the same route that she did, around the same time. Maybe I'll see the same recycling truck and I can see if he uses his signal or if his emergency flashers are on (which I was told by another driver recently is their policy). I'm a bit obsessed with creating an image of what she saw last.
Yesterday was one of the best I've had in a while. Today started off with lots of sadness. I expect this will be the case for a while; these ups and downs. I should think of them as "rollers" like we used to blow over on the tandem. Kathy loved to stand up and blast past single bikes on the small uphills. ; )
Keep the rubber side down all.

Maury
Maury,
You are doing all the things that you feel you need to do right now. The image creating thing is totally normal. Do whatever comes to you as an urge, no matter whether the act may on the surface seem odd, morbid, sweet, or sad. Doesn't matter- it's a healing act, and that's good. Avoid what feels just too painful for the moment, you can always come back to it later on if you need to, or not. You call the shots right now.
I spoke with my husband last night about what I would want him to do if I died. I told him that if that ever happened, I wanted him above all to NOT suffer alone and withdraw into himself. I said I would want him to allow all our friends in to surround him with love and strength, and that he should go forward and stay active and a positive force. The thing that would make me unhappiest is for him to go through his pain and grief all alone and in silence.
You are doing the very things that Kathy would have wanted.
Have a good ride tomorrow. Ride on in her spirit.