Not sure I should even post this.

[Haudlady]

Oh, Raindrop... I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. What a sad and overwhelming loss for you and your family. I hope you will give yourself permission to be gentle with yourself through the emotions and challenges.

I am thinking of you.

[mtbdarby]

Raindrop, ((hugs)) and shared tears with you during this aweful time. My niece has attempted suicide many times and is still with us but I agree with those that have gently reminded you this was his choice, ill-begotten as it is. I wish you healing thoughts as you deal with the pieces he has left behind. We're hear if you ever need to "talk". Please keep us posted on how you're doing.

God Bless,

[slinkedog]

Oh, dear Raindrop! I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss and grief. My hopes for healing and peace are with you. May you be blessed.

Shannon

[maillotpois]

Oh Raindrop - of course you should post your feelings and thoughts about this here. I cannot imagine what you must be feeling, but I hope that talking about this with folks here, and perhaps a grief counsellor, will help you to heal. I thought Denise's suggestion was great - use the quiet bike time, when you're ready, to just let yourself meditate and think about your brother.

Take care of yourself.

[solobiker]

Raindrop, I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that you are in my thoughts. I don't want to offend anyone, but I want to thankyou for posting this. I have been in a very bad place in my life in the past couple of months and the past few weeks have been unbearable. I have to admit I thought about things like that, which scared the you know what out of me. Lucky for me i have a few vey close friends who I have been able to talk with. I am slowly pulling my self out. Today, I work as an occupational therapist with the geriatric population, one of my patients said something that brought a smile to my face. mind you he is a big 6'4 350 pound guy. He always has a smile for me. Well anyway he said to my "you have everything" with a smile on his face and I said what do you mean? his relpy was "whatever you want" and you know,, he is right. I will pull through this eventually. Raindrop once again, I am so sorry for your loss, but thanks for posting because we all can support you in your time of need. All my thoughts Q

[Katiek]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and amazed at the strength you've shown so far. I also want to echo the people who have said how important it is that you don't second guess yourself and wonder if you could have done something else. You couldn't. Depression is an illness as real and deadly as any physical ailment.

I know the pain seems unbearable and at this stage all you can do is try all you can to get through the next day. Mourn and grieve in your own way and don't worry if it doesn't seem like you're going through the "right" stages or if you're on the "right" timeline. Eventually, the pain will lessen and it will be easier to focus on the good things about the time you shared.

I don't know you in person, but I hope you know how much support you have here and I hope you come and share your thoughts whenever you feel it would be helpful.

[Raindrop]

I've read through all your posts with tears in my eyes...and I've read through them often, but I don't have enough words to explain how all of you comfort me. It's very strange that I can't contact my real friends (except for a very, close few) to even tell them about what happened, but I came to a board where I am faceless and anonymous and feel so comforted.

I think it's because all of us are united in a common love of cycling....and then, because this forum is so nurturing, a common bond of being women.

I have to thank each and every one of you for your kindness, and for some, your shared stories and experiences. Right now, I'm still struggling. My mind is in kind of a fog I guess. The other day, on the way into the grocery store I realized I was wearing two different shoes. Sure, they were both black, but that's where the resemblence ended. One was a Keene and the other an Adidas.

I stay in daily contact with my other two brothers and one is going to therapy, the other isn't, but I worry about him the most because he had always been closest to my brother Rob. They skiied together, fished together and never lived more than forty miles from each other for most of their entire lives. He's the one who had to go and finish moving all Rob's stuff out of his place. It makes me cry to even think about how hard that was for him.

I'm kind of rambling. But I did want to let you all know how much your support has meant to me. This is such a very special site, and unlike any other in that it is so supportive.

Thank you.