Not sure I should even post this.

[bcipam]

Raindrop, hope you realize you never have to ask if you should post something so personal or not. This forum contains an amazing group of women and I think it creates a wonderful network of support.

I cannot begin to understand your loss and how hard it is for you. I can only tell you that I have a brother who fell from grace and got himself into alot of trouble (having to go to prison). It was a horrible ordeal for my family and it has taken years for all of us to accept the reality of what occurred. Place no blame on yourself. Your brother made his choice without thinking what he would leave behind, alot of hurt and disappointment from his loved ones. Acknowledge the loss, discuss it with your family and each strive to move on. Tough, I know, but time is your friend.

[eclectic]

Raindrop - a big, silent, teary hug goes out to you.

I know the feeling of the numbing, choking pain and feeling like you are living in a surreal world where nothing else seems to have importance, the heartache overwhelms everything.

My older sister is an attempted suicide survivor (3 separate incidents). It is only by the grace of God that she is still with us. She has been able to give us insight on what it is like to be in a suicidal state. She told us that once the decision was made nothing anyone could say or do would have prevented her from doing what she did.

When and if you would like to know anything more of what she said please feel free to PM me. Her description helped me with the "Why?"

You will run the gamut of emotions, circle yourself with loving, caring people and allow yourself to grieve. Grief counselling is an excellent idea and it helps.

Prayers go out for you and your family ((((((Raindrop)))))