Not sure I should even post this.

[Tri Girl]

Oh, Raindrop. I'm so saddened for you. That fact that you're returning to work is a huge step forward. I can't imagine your sorrow, but know that we're all here for you. Big hugs....

[margo49]

My brother was an alcoholic and died at 40 - just 6 months after my father. That lethargy you describe is familiar to me. I think it is a natural reaction.
It does pass. But it takes time.
I always think of Douglas and what an amazing person he was. We were 2kids so I am the only one now.

In my prayers...

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

My heartfelt sympathy to you. I lost my brother under awful circumstances as well.
There will be a period of numbness...non-feeling, non-reality, difficulty sleeping and difficulty feeling emotions. That's like a self-protecive thing our body does to keep us from shock. After that probably periods of both sad helplessness, missing him terribly, and also anger directed towards him but then turned back on yourself -because being angry at him is not "acceptable".
I say these things because it may help you to know that all this is simply normal and is part of the process of returning to life slowly over the next couple of years. The pain and sadness will never go away, but your life will come back and you will see all this in a different way. The pain will morph into a new strength within you, and one day you will "forgive" both your brother and YOURSELF, and be more at peace about it. This process takes its own path and its own time. Don't be afraid to get some counseling, even just for a limited time to get you over a bad hump.

Please take extra special care of yourself right now. Eat healthy things, excercise on occasion to keep your physical body feeling well. Exercise can also produce chemicals that make us feel better, and calm our minds. Crying makes us feel better too, so embrace that too.

(((((Sending hugs to you....)))))

[margo49]

Yeah, that misdirected anger thing LisaS.H. describes is so real.
Your mind plays some funny tricks on you out of grief and hurt.