I think your first post asks questions that a gazillion women have asked--out loud or just to themselves--and they are totally understandable questions. And I would like to caution people about assuming nuances and connotations from electronic posts. We all already know this. Without hearing voice tones, seeing facial expressions, and having all of the other non-print communication aids we rely on, this is not really the place to decide that you know the poster well enough to reprove her for things she may or may not be saying. Think back to your own emails, posts, etc., and whether you would like them to be used to judge your full character...

I'm glad there were plenty of posters here who answered your questions with the understanding and honesty they deserve. Good for you for being honest enough to ask them.